I have offically liquidated all assets. Erased all memory of my existance. What I leave behind are peoples memories, and a beautiful child. I’m The last of 5, I was ignored. Made my existance and recognition on my time. I seriously lived life to my fullest. It has now collapsed after 18 yrs. For months ive debated how. No one is going with me, seriously, not my style. Ive lived alot and had a lot ive called my own. With no serious plan for the future other than day by day, I realize my error. We choose who we are. I lived in secrets and […]
Tag:
the future
it’s scary
not knowing what’s on the other side
not knowing how the exit will go
some claim to know the answer
but they profess their belief and not a fact
in my mind it swirls
will i be in pain?
will i linger?
i imagine all black on the other side
no feeling, no emotion, no individual consciousness
there’s no joy or accomplishment or love
but there’s no fear or pain or anger either
i would make that trade
the grass does seem greener on that other side
am i wrong?
can i do better for myself over here?
the neutrality of death is appealing
on this side i’m a pessimist
over there it’s not possible
while all of experience might be expressed […]
He left me because I was depressed and he couldn’t cope with it.
That fact hurts in itself, because I never asked to feel like this and I hate it too.
I asked for just one chance, that was all, to prove to him that things could be different; I’d given him many throughout our relationship.
He said no. He said he didnt even want to try.
It’s been a month or so, and he hasn’t contacted me at all.
I’ve tried so hard to make things up but every attempt I’ve made, he’s ignored.
We were best friends for seven years before we got […]
I quit. I can’t save people, I can’t talk to people, I can’t love people right, I can’t do it. I’m done.
Fuck everything. Fuck the images replaying in my head. Fuck my fucked up choices.
And no matter how much love and care you give to people they’re going to chew you up and shit you out. They never take you serious enough. There’s a quote I read….”A lot of you cared, just not enough.”
I’m going to start cutting everyone off now. It saves me the pain later. And this God I’m supposed to believe in knows I’m tired of it. Done being strong for everyone […]
Everyone is getting sick of me.
I’ve been in the exact same state since my breakdown over a month ago. I’ve made no progress. If anything I’m worse.
I’m trying so hard but I can’t move on. I hurt so much. People are sick of dealing with my weakness and I don’t blame them, I just don’t know what else to do. I need help pretty much 24/7. I’m a mess.
If I don’t talk to people, I feel worse and so lonely. But they’re tired of dealing with my issues.
I’ve had my exit planned for a while now. It’s all there and ready […]
Hello, well I don’t really know what a forum is, or how to use it, but I guess i’ll just share my story and maybe someone can help. Â I am a 19 year old guy from California. 9 years ago I stared getting bullied. I was already a loner, so I guess it made me more lonely. I always thought that was fine though. This was before social media though, which just added to my depression. When I used to sit at home alone, I thought everyone did. Later I found out that people actually do fun stuff with these things called “friends”. Well I’ve […]
I can’t really stand to be here for more than a few moments, but I am here to leave an update comparing today to this day last year.
One year ago today I was ready to die. Today is my 29th birthday, and this time last year I was trying to hang myself from a shower stall or from a tree in a campground. It didn’t work out. At 7am the next morning I was dealing with campground staff wondering why my car was in a ditch; the rear hatch window was smashed, and I needed a tow truck to pull out my car. It took a […]
label me hopeless, label me a coward, label me with whatever name you want to. I’m coming to the conclusion that my life is nothing but a reflection of  the dog shit on the corner of the street. you see.. the more i live the more i begin to realize this and the options i have in order for me to be happy are becoming slimmer and slimmer. Im on the cusp of being homeless and my mom wont help me out. I dont know what i did to make her so angry so fed up, honestly im fed up with myself. alot of things […]
Dear life, I am tired of being afraid.
I don’t care about anything anymore. It’s all just pointless now. I don’t care about life, about the future, about death, nothing. I gave up a long time ago. I guess if you immerse yourself in enough pain you eventually stop feeling it. But the problem is that I still do feel. It would all just be easier if I ended it all, but somehow I can’t get any access to anything lethal. I thought that all of this would eventually end when things got too bad to bear, but every time I hit rock bottom, somehow I […]
Tonight is it hopefully I’m done. What life has for me isn’t what I want nor what I can bare. I’m just numb the feeling hurts. ive got my plan ready. I’ve decided I always n knew that it would come to this. I’m to stupid for life to ugly to fucked up for it I can’t stand being in my skin a minute longer I’m tired of weeping I’m retired of being depressed I can’t get help I’m tired of being tired. So goodbye. I hope everybody is better of thani the future
There is this internal conflict that keeps occurring more and more frequently. My feelings are trying to resurface and my numbness is trying to fight it away. I have the strangest dreams but they reflect those feelings I won’t allow myself to feel when I’m awake. When I’m dreaming I do feel them even if it’s just a pinch, but I feel it. And I wake up with the Reminence of those feelings and I don’t know what to do. These feelings for the most part have to do with one person in particular and I wish I could talk to this person but I […]
‘Ask him why there are hypocrites in the world.’
‘Because it is hard to bear the happiness of others.’
‘When are we happy?’
‘When we desire nothing and realize that possession is only momentary, and so are forever playing.’
‘What is regret?’
‘To realize that one has spent one’s life worrying about the future.’
‘What is sorrow?’
‘To long for the past.’
‘What is the highest pleasure?’
‘To hear a good story.’
— Vikram Chandra
Ive posted again and again on here and have not yet managed to kill myself.I know im running out of time.Something more tragic is coming if i dont commit and succeed at suicide.Like me being homeless.I wish i could just run in front of a car and get it over with but i freeze.Ive tried dehydrating myself and overdose.Apart of me is afraid of succeeding just cause i dont know what is after this.What if i come back to this earth.what if hell is real and ive got to look forward to demons poking at me with knives in a dugeon for the rest of […]
I’m tired of this mess that ive made my life. I have been suicidal since my first breakup. All of my relationships have always ended in the girl either cheating or leaving for one reason or another. Its usually the classic “its not you its me” crap. I am a very loving and emotional person and no matter how many women say that is what they are looking for, it is simply not the truth. I just got out of a “relationship” with a girl that i thought was a person i could trust. I should have known better. I was laying in bed with […]
I am 16 and I have been in a phyce ward and i’ve been to C-Star Rehab for drug abuse. Over this past year I have grown to be more and more depressed. I would rather not talk about why because it may piss people off and the other reasons are embarrassing. One reason I don’t want to is my family of course and the other is what happens after death, if after death was purgatory then it wouldn’t matter to me because then all of lives worries would be gone. My last reason would be because I would like to know what the future […]
i know we have a business empire. and i know that you’re looking to your kids as the future leaders of the business, but i want you to know, before i leave, that there is something much much more important than our business.
although i am very thankful that you have built it up to be what it is, maybe it’s time to look at your kids and really see how they are feeling. personally, i feel nothing but disappointment and neglect. disappointment because i know that i have not yet reached the dreams and expectations you have of me. neglected because rather than really look […]
I am in a pretty rough spot here. I’m only 16, but every aspect of my life I’m starting to hate. My family doesn’t hate me but it is apparent my parents don’t have a great opinion of me as I complain a lot. It’s understandable, they have problems too but I don’t know who to turn to. My mom has diabetes and I take care of her most of the time during the day. She lets her sugar level go very low and becomes incoherent sometimes. But she isn’t grateful for it and I pretty much hate her, for many more reasons than one. […]
This is going to sound ridiculous, but I don’t think my body was meant to last as long as it had. I tried to kill myself a couple of years ago and failed (obviously). I am currently in my first year of university, and a lot of my joints have been giving me increasingly more problems. It started with just my ankles, but now my wrists, knees and shoulders are paining more and more often. It’s as if my body it breaking because it was not meant to go on as long as it has.
I also see nothing in the future. All my ‘friends’ have […]
I think we are here because we have a common interest in finding someone similar to us. Someone with a familiar story. What good this accomplishes or what you do after that is beyond me.
I am 27 years old and recently began seeking help for depression. I have been depressed for most of my life, as far back as my early teens. I figured the symptoms were just a part of my personality and didn’t think much about treatment. I didn’t want to admit that anything was wrong. Only now do I realize that I have dug myself into hole. Other people my age have […]
Nobody tells the future. Â Futures don’t have infinite linearity to each distinctive, singular life. Â I have more future then past in my life right now. Â And they say . . . live for that. Â Truth be told, no – we can not undergo a set-in-stone determination of what the future will be. But the implications of life now can decide what the future might be like. Â Life is bad right now, driving me to the last of me, all done by my own hand. Â What makes it worse, is I can’t pick out any possibility for a future with a good outcome.
Quiero morir
Déjame ir