I have offically liquidated all assets. Erased all memory of my existance. What I leave behind are peoples memories, and a beautiful child. I’m The last of 5, I was ignored. Made my existance and recognition on my time. I seriously lived life to my fullest. It has now collapsed after 18 yrs. For months ive debated how. No one is going with me, seriously, not my style. Ive lived alot and had a lot ive called my own. With no serious plan for the future other than day by day, I realize my error. We choose who we are. I lived in secrets and mystery. U only knew me if u were in my circle. I never thought it would end my life, but here I am, just a spec of existence. Everything is now behind me now, and I have no choice. There is no future. I gathered a couple degrees in hope of finding another life. Syke. Wish someone had told me it was a fucking joke. So here it is, after 17 years, I still love my wife and friends. After 36 years I love few of my family. We all experience despair, but not me. No. I created who I am. I surrounded myself with the best. I had the opportunities I made for MYSELF. I choose ignorance instead. People wanted me, not them. How fuckin ignorant I was. It was them I needed the whole time. After weeks of deciding the best way, I can only take the cheapest. We’re all fucked. Be positive if u want
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4 comments
I could have almost written what you wrote, so I know how you feel. I keep trying to find reasons to stick it out longer, and keep coming up with better reasons not to….most of us are fucked, that’s true, and most of us don’t know it (yet). I don’t even try to be positive anymore.
But if you still love your wife and friends, and have a child, are you sure this is the time?
As much as I might agree with the thought that you should stick it out if you still love your wife, friends, etc., I can’t tell you to go that route. Living solely for the sake of other people doesn’t sound like life to me, it sounds like servitude.
Wow. I agree with bzbzbz
It sounds very much like my life, minus having a child. I can no longer continue to live for the sake of other people when I am living in Hell everyday.
Like you, I’ve had my shares of highs and lows and wouldn’t take it back for the world. However, you get to a point where you feel like you’ve reached the peak of change/trangression/progression in a lifetime.
I’m out.
How is it people get to the too late stage? Can it ever be too late really? Children , ahh how those ties bind. Lived my life for them and them alone and it killed me, yours? Beautiful child. beautiful ones always make me smile. Why leave now? Just when your eyes are opened? There is always another day, the sun rise and blinds us with its cheerful fucking new beginnings .. We have hope somewhere, all of us or we would be in the morgue already, I think my hope is in a travel brochure dated 2022. Where your is I can not say, but maybe in the beautiful child’s smile….