Hi everyone, lately I’ve been thinking more and more about suicide. Over a year ago I met this guy who I feel in love with and after about 8 months I was told he had a girlfriend. Imagine the hurt and betrayal I felt by this. Sadly I wasn’t strong enough to walk away from him, it’s like he had some kind of control over me. I finally got to a place where I walked away from him for good about 5 months ago. I’ve been trying to better myself and move on with my life, I’m only 22. I’ve been trying to get back […]
Tag:
the future
Lou Tzu once said
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace then you are living in the present”.
But what he didn’t realize is that I may not be anxious, but I am at peace. I am at peace with my depression, my insecurities, my scars, my imperfections, and my horrible thoughts. I may not be living in the present, past, or future, but I am living, and that is all that is important.
It doesn’t make sense. Right now, me sitting in my room with the lights out, only listening to flow of my typing. I’m not popular, but I do have friends. I have a crush. I have a roof over my head and food on my plate. I have a family that cares about me in their own way.
But still, I am alone. All that there is left of me is a shell that smiles. Inside, it’s hollow.
What’s the point? All the pain, expectations for the future, burdens from the past. I just don’t want to anymore. I sound like such a whiny b*****. Don’t most […]
Lately my thoughts are filled with my death…weather it be by my own hands, another or some freak accident.
ive always been suicidal, since a very young age and I’ve been in and out of ‘mental institutions’ since I was 13…I’m now 18. Nothing helps anymore…I feel like the weight of the world is holding my down. I try looking to things or people I love and know will be hurt by my death but even that’s not helping.
i can’t sleep anymore, I’m so scared of everything. I’m scared someone will break in and hurt my family. I’m scared of even the tiniest things.
Hell my dog […]
Hi everyone,
I’m not sure if anyone will read this or care but I’ve accepted that boiling up my demons inside of me is not the answer, so here’s my story.
I’ve only felt this while for a little over the year, and I’m not exactly sure what triggered it. I have a stable family, a stable education, and a stable set of friends. I have a roof over my head and I have a lot to be thankful for. But I had one sad day too many, and one day I just collapsed into this mindset. And I haven’t gotten out.
I wrote a paragraph of reasons […]
With every step forward I use to think it was a step away, and in a way it was. A step into the future, not a better future but a future none the less. It’s funny but when the past is dark and you start to make moves into the future, you can believe the future to be brighter, or that the darkness is the past. It’s amazing how easy it is to make yourself believe something, all you need is the desire to believe it, belief in something doesn’t make it true but it offers comfort to believe that the future holds more than […]
Man I hope I get better n if I need surgery to for my spine n the pain will stop hopefully stupid muscle spasms it hate myself it’s very difficult for me not to worry about the future of my well being it scares me cause I want to get better so badly I’m hurting constantly every day it’s something else on me one day it’s my neck another could be my shoulders or any other part of me that feels wrong n out of place I can’t sleep at times n when I do I don’t want to get up because of how pain […]
Everyone knows me as that smiling outgoing girl who is sometimes annoying but speaks her mind whenever something pops into her head! No one knows I feel so alone all the time, and that I just want more love. I always think about my life in the future, married to my dream man, having my dream family that consists of a boy, a girl, And a pair of twins (girl and boy). But then when I think about it I don’t want anything I just want to meet my maker and live a happy life in heaven.
I would consider myself to be an intelligent person. I’ve always sought to understand how and why things are and gravitated towards reading challenging books at a young age. In Middle School I was reading books like The Count of Monte Cristo and Watership Down. By Highschool I was obsessed with authors like Alan Moore, Ray Bradbury, George Owell and Auldous Huxley. Now I’ve been clinging to Ayn Rand like she’s my own mother. It’s because of these people and the books they wrote that I’ve been instilled with a deep sense of morality and individualism. They kept me going long after I couldn’t and […]
I’ve been miserable for as long as I can remember. I’m a fully-grown adult now and it’s followed me everywhere. My situation in life is a complete failure, socially and financially. Unemployed, birthday coming up and no prospects for anything. I am about to be evicted and have no plan whatsoever for the future. Everyone who knows me I am a burden on, and honestly I think the world would be better off without someone like me here. I’m worthless, so it wont matter if I’m not here anymore. I’ll be missed by a few, but they will be relieved when the nuisance that is […]
It’s like some kind of sick movie. I was all ready to go through with my plan tomorrow and be done with it all, but today at work it was like he knew what I was thinking and was trying to save my life. He just kept making me laugh, but that’s easy considering how I am around him. We played around with each other like we were 5 years old, spinning chairs and all. After work he even drove me to my car cause it was parked farther away. I’ve had a crush on him for less than a month, and as crazy as it […]
I have a stable pain inside, not going away, causing me to thinking about commiting suicide. I cannot enjoy anything, if you can send me to my happiest moment or give an option to just vanish, I would definately choose the second one. Most of the time I wish I was normal. While registering to this site I couldn’t help but think about the future; somehow if I end up committing suicide, this account will eventually be discovered by my friends/relatives, they probably will think this was a cry for help. It is nice to know that you are not the only wierd person who […]
Today felt different. Not really a good or bad different. I went to work today as I had been out the last few days due to the fact I was not mentally able to go. Today was just a strange day. I did my normal routines, handled my normal business. I spoke very little. A couple co-workers told me I was a “bit off” today. They asked if everything was alright. I assured them everything was fine – from my perspective anyways.
The ride home from work was different too. The sun was well past its zenith, the shadows were long, a light breeze in the […]
Hello, i just really want to tell someone about this, i really do want to kill myself, everyday i feel anxious, depressed, worried, and most recently angry, i was always fine with the idea of suicide, but recently, i screwed things up, i have a great family, i am dating someone, but, i just cant seem to tell anyone about this, i doubt any of them will understand, i am going through a rough point in my life, and i know i can get through it, but i just simply dont want to, i am always afraid my girl will leave me, i dont tell […]
I am very ashamed of myself. No, my life isn’t filled with constant despair, and I haven’t lost anyone important to me. Nothing that bad actually happened to me. Still, I really want to disappear.
My friends are much more distant than they were before, and I can’t actually mantain a stable relationship between me and my parents. I feel like there’s a hole where it should be my heart, and the only thing that makes me feel better is reading. If I talk to anyone, they’ll probably tell me to stop complaining, and that my life is much better than I think.
I feel like I’m […]
I have been looking for a place to share my frustration with people who can understand me and help me come out of my depression.
Here goes my story-
I was in college when I met a guy and fell in love with him so deeply that I had to marry him at any cost. I always believed he loved me as much as I did. I had an amazing college life with my life revolving only around him. Seldom did he papmper me, he never said a “I love You” to me on face but still i always believed he loved me the most in this world. […]
I haven’t posted on here in a while so thought I’d just give an update in the hopes it will maybe help others.
If you’ve read any of my other posts, you’ll know I was in a pretty bad way. I stopped sleeping and eating. I was in constant physical pain, had lost control of my bodily functions, was having hour-long panic attacks and constantly crying. I couldn’t go outside, couldn’t make phonecalls, could barely get out of bed. I would have meltdowns in public, screaming; had to have midnight trips to several hospitals. I was permanently shaking and on a massive cocktail of drugs […]
As this summer toils on, I’m left contemplating how things change in life. I’ve spent the last four months watching my life degrade. Losing people who meant the world to me, losing my job. Watching things that I used to enjoy and even take a bit of pleasure in wither away. But mostly I’ve been thinking about how different I thought this summer would be. Instead of planning my death, right now I was supposed to be planning my wedding. Instead of watching people slip away, I was supposed to be preparing to welcome a child within the next year or so. Now, I find […]
Earth-shack up in New-Mexico. Meet me up, twist-plot our next move. Go north, perhaps. We, the good vagabond.*
by Bisban
written by Bisban
A “Solar Kiva.” An earth-shack, two States over from SoCal.
Can we survive the summer in Taos.
The UV radiation may be overwhelming.
There is nowhere to run. Somewhere to hide.
The moth smelled the blood. The blood.
Dead like the dead past. In transcendence.
Hell’s Satan is the root of our modern life.
Still small in time; the history of our modern human history.
Dead like the dead past. The crystal evolution.
The angels. God, the ancient alien.
The story. The cosmic-saddest, of all.
But our hearts, abyssal devoured. Our nature, a defect.
That is the story of “Man.” The devil has won since […]
Hi guys, it’s been some days.
I’ll confess I actually forgot about the SP for some days, and a few days ago I realized I hadn’t logged on in a while. I was kind of shocked, my shock suprised me. Does that mean I actually forgot about suicide for a few days? I did actually. No random thoughts, no dark voices, it had actually been a few peaceful weeks. But does it actually mean I forgot about it? I don’t think so, but it does show me that I can distract myself and have peace, and that makes me hopeful. I think I’m doing okay. I’m […]