With every step forward I use to think it was a step away, and in a way it was. A step into the future, not a better future but a future none the less. It’s funny but when the past is dark and you start to make moves into the future, you can believe the future to be brighter, or that the darkness is the past. It’s amazing how easy it is to make yourself believe something, all you need is the desire to believe it, belief in something doesn’t make it true but it offers comfort to believe that the future holds more than the past or the present. After all, who want to believe that the future is just more of the same, I mean why not make yourself believe that the future is in fact a brighter place. When you decide to move forward you let yourself believe that forward equals better otherwise why move forward at all? But eventually the realisation hits you that every forward step is curved, that the path to the future is itself curved that the path itself is nothing but a circle, which you walk to the future while also walking to the same route you walked in the past. All that changes is the faces and the places but the events always come around. All that changes in the circuit of life is you get older but no smarter. Every time you pass a certain point in the circle you think you won’t end up in the same place again, but you fail to realise you have no control, you walk your own circuit every time, ending up with the same results, you think it changes yet every time it remains the same, and every time you fail to see it coming. Life is a merry-go-round, you sit on the horse with a prepaid ticket and you go round in that circle for as long as that tickets got time on it, you are stuck in that seat as you grow slowly older going around in circles reliving the same events with different faces and different places but the events are always the same. You sit on the merry-go-round and while some people enjoy it the constant up and down and circular motion makes you nothing but sea sick, but all you can do is hope that that prepaid ticket will soon run out. I believe Dante described hell as nine circles, each worse than the last, I believe there is ten and that this circle is in fact the tenth circuit of hell, doomed to live in a circular life until our ticket is finally up.
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4 comments
Wow what an insightful post, I hope you keep writing cause using a merry-go-round as a metaphor for life is pretty bang on.
I’m trying to get unstuck from this walking around in circles thing. I feel every step I take forward I take two steps back. What I really hate is seeing people who have had no suffering in their life get forward while I sit here languishing. It sucks and I hate seeing everything I love about myself being stolen from me because of my depression.
I’m definitely finding it hard to stop the darkness of my past clouding my future. I believe in a better life but I can’t see the path to it and even worse, I feel the path won’t reveal itself to me because someone up there wants me to die. Someone is laughing at my pain.
Brilliant post Procel.
I’m glad ye both like it.
@rey. People often take to studying history because it is believed history has a habit of repeating itself. And some people do believe that by studying history they can learn to avoid the mistakes made by those before them and therefore avert the course of the future. In theory the same process makes perfect sence in real, personal life. Were you to study your own personal history well enough to pinpoint the parts that keep recurring the point that create the events you don’t like and change either your actions in that situation or simply avoid that situation all together perhaps you could change the circle. Jump from one merry-go-round to another so to speak. Perhaps approach it as if you were an outsider merely studying someone’s history from a long time ago. Hating people who move forward is t always the best. I mean sure I understand it and somedays I resent them for having it. But it only hurts yourself to allow that hate in and that only fuels the depression. I understand watching everything you are be destroyed by the depression, I really do but what was there once can be brought back again. Never give up hope because without hope we are worse than dead.
Peace and Love,
P.
Thanks bro for the insight. Good stuff.