I’m here for the same reason most everyone is, I’ve given up and I thought suicide was the only way out. Just a few days ago I posted something, but since then I’ve done some thinking. If suicide is the only way to find peace, then why have we held on for so long? It’s not because we love the pain we are in, it’s because one day we hope we wake up and hope the world will treat us better. It might also be because we know if we go we will be hurting our friends and family. Things may never get much better, […]
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the world
I have a wife and a great mam and dad. I feel selfish for wanting to kill myself as I know it will finish these people. I have tried tablets before and ended up in hospital for a day or so! I was 23 at the time, unhappy with my friends, my job and being lonely! am no longer alone but lately (last two years) I’ve just hit rock bottom. I’ve made it to 32 years old and feel the world as nothing more to show or offer me! I feel emotionless writing these words as I’ve heard them in my head so many times […]
It’s a funny thing blackmail, they take something you have and force you to exchange something else that you have.
It’s purely threats, they could have information or photos of you and they threaten to show the world, even though it could get them in trouble. If you aren’t strong enough, you’re basically their slave.
Recently I’ve been a victim of blackmail and I’ll tell you this, it’s ruining my life. I feel worthless everyday, it’s forced my friends away from me and overall it’s made my depression so much worse. I’ve never been good at maintaining a good and healthy mental condition, now I feel as […]
At this point I am all alone in my own head. There’s not a single person in the world that knows how I truly feel, and I’m hurting. I have no clue what the source of these inner demons I’m struggling with is, and at this point I don’t think I’ll ever find it.
It has been six years since I started feeling depressed. I am 19 and my feelings started as a freshman in high school. At first I just thought they were normal teen angst. I felt lonely. I felt alienated from those around me. I felt so guilty about everything I did wrong, […]
Angry all the time. Lost. Frustrated. Tired. Angry at the world and at myself. Still blood dripping down my face from getting in a fight with my brother and getting angry about being weak and cutting my temple just to let go of some of the anger. Girlfriend of 4 yrs got angry and walked out, and rightly so. It’s hard to fight the enemy when the enemy is yourself. I……just don’t know what to do anymore, and maybe I never did. I can’t do this anymore. But I don’t know how to change. Been on meds, counseling, you name it…..I just…..still trying to figure […]
I will miss being held by those who love me.
I will miss watching cow parsley swaying in the breeze.
I will miss songs that remind me of those who left me.
I will miss the smell of warm rain, small rabbits, dandelions and daisies.
I will miss helping those who need me.
I will rest in peace, knowing I brought more joy than pain to the world.
Although I regret the harsh words I sometimes spoke, especially to those who hurt me.
I hope my death does not take long, I don’t want to suffer or have people watch me suffer.
I wanted death a couple of months ago. Then I found a […]
One’s problems don’t mean jack-s**t in the world.
Unless someone can make money off of it, or benefit in some way, it will remain useless and repelled.
Even a mother doesn’t care what her son’s been through.
Or maybe that’s just mine.
Yeah, probably just mine.
Man, I feel like I for once was right about something. This website is already proving amazing. My previous vent helped me through the day, and upon logging on again and seeing a couple encouraging comments, I feel I can fully breathe again. Well, at least for today.
Tomorrow is a different story, but we’ll talk about and deal with that when we get there. Seriously though, this website is my new go-to place. I’ve kept diaries in the past, but my older sister snoops through them and at times would have the nerve to leave comments she believed encouraging. On the contrary, they were quite […]
Color influences perceptions that are not obvious, such as the taste of food. Colors can also work as placebos by having the color of pills be certain colors to influence how a person feels after taking them. For example, red or orange pills are generally used as stimulants. Another way in which colors have been used to influence behavior was, in 2000, when the company Glasgow installed blue street lights in certain neighborhoods which resulted in a reduced crime rate. For example, males reported that red colored outfits made women seem more attractive, while women answered that the color of a male’s outfit did […]
I am tired to explain my problems, but I suffer every second of my life and it’s not gonna end. I know in my heart I won’t be happy again, I personally ruined my family, friendships, love and job. All my fault, odd story but I self-destroyed myself and I can’t blame anyone but me. I’ll never forgive myself and I’ll never get back the things I lost and I can’t live without them. I have to go to end this.
On the other hand I already hurt beyond imagination the people I love, and I can’t afford to add other pain. My death would literally […]
Never occurred to me I could be in a world with so many people and yet feel so alone. Used to think talking would help. It did. But then i lived long enough to grow up. Talking is a waste of time and i dont care to trouble people with my issues. Rough life … Sure but i know others have had it worse than me. My mind and spirit isnt better than the next person nor my tolerace and ability to recover. There is no organ transplant for a damaged spirit. Religion and relationships are wishful thinking. I earn my living helping to ease […]
If your journey has brought you to a place where you believe in “nothing” then just live in the reality of, what is for you, Truth. You are young and have a long way to journey yet. Just be the best person you can be and try not to impose your non-belief on others. Don’t mock, don’t judge. Because if Atheism is what you’ profess to believe in, then that is your religion…..it’s a belief system that professes a non-belief, but it’s a belief system none the less.
My own personal opinion about the labels of belief and unbelief is that they inflict a sort of […]
For the past 3-4 years of my life, I have urged to become special! I’m not talking about any normal kind of special, I have watched a lot of TV programs and Anime in my life and the characters I see in front of me have these amazing gifts, It fills them with the confidence I wish I had!
I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do is try and conjure up a fireball, pathetic right? I just feel like if I managed to do it then I would feel special, If I could perform real magic then I would be the […]
when youve lost all hope of ever being happy again whats left
when youve lost interest in everything you used to care about whats left
when you feel completely lost and hopeless whats left
when your whole life falls apart around you whats left
when it seems like the world is going on without you whats left
when everybody elses happiness makes you miserable whats left
when just waking up makes you feel like shit whats left
when negative emotions are the only ones that remain whats left
when you see death as the only way to escape the sorrow whats left
when the pain […]
Surely, you’ve heard the phrase “old soul.” Dammit, that’s me.
I’m not that old. I’m still young, most people would say. But the things I’ve been through and the perspectives I’ve held must surely tell another story. I say this with sincerity, not grandiosity. In fact, I’m sorry to admit it. I wish I saw things differently.
All my life I’ve dealt with depression. To be fair, I didn’t start noticing it until I was maybe 9 years old, but I did notice it, and it only got worse with time. Depression brings […]
its been a tough couple of years..sixth grade and up was bad. my eighth grade year, my dad passed away..two months before i entered high school. R>I.P 7/19 i entered 9th grade alone and lost…i hated the world and i had a huge gap in my heart..from 7th til this day, i used self harm as an escape..after my dad passed away from cancer, i didnt eat and i constantly self harmed..a week and a half before homecoming, i lost all my friends due to rumors that everyone made up..saying i slept around and did drugs..none of it ever happened and none of it was […]
I’m forgetting him. I don’t remember what he sounded like without listening to a video. I have a faint memory of it, but it’s fleeting. I honestly think I’m going to forget him completely. I can’t do that. I mss him and I can’t stand the fact that I’m never going to see him again. I’ll never see that cute little crinkle in his nose or his weirdly thick eyelashes. His fucking blonde hair and his stupid fucking face. I wish I could feel something. I can’t tell if I’m mad at him or if I’m sad or if im just fuckedd up. He left […]
Man i hate life, but if the shoe fits, wear it.
i hate myself for being born on this evil planet.
if i could kill and get away with it ill make these fuckin Christians pay in blood because they know inside they fuckin did it.
I bathe in pain because my life is in a fucking mess.
Don’t say you understand because you dont know how i stress.
i think about suicide all the time because i wanna die so bad and it dont matter that im fuckin pressed.
Take a moment to think about what i see.
All i see are ghosts of […]
Have a plan in place. Will have my house empty, clean, and pay as many bills as possible, as well as debt. Going to take vacation few days before. And any money left over will go to family.
Still working on the final note, but for sure don’t want services, just creamation, quick and easy. Only one person I want to say a few thing to first. BuT would only make me feel better, and her ask herself if she should have seen it commimg.
Going to slowly die, over the next 100 days, doing my best to show the world everything is peachy. And going to […]
The title explains who I am. The list of things wrong with me doesn’t stop at the age of 18. -Do nothing every single day my entire life but play video games. -Eat nothing but fast food. -have 0 friends. […]