This is my last time writing this to someone because I’m ending myself. Nothing seems worth living for except a few things, which are not yet here with me. What are those things? Having my first child. Having my first relationship. Drinking coconut juice, very refreshing. Anyways, here is my pouring out thoughts of you: I still think about you every day. I’m quite sure it’s not the same for you. But I wouldn’t know. Though you could say I’m still in love with you, I don’t consider I am, in fact, I feel I’m near over you. ‘We loved with a love that was […]
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think
I don’t know why I’m posting. I guess because I can’t share this with anyone else. But I have 4 more days to go. I’m both at peace and afraid. I’m afraid I’ll fail. I can think of nothing worse than failing. My method I hope is as foolproof as anything can be but then nothing is ever 100%. My plan is meticulous. But once it starts I cannot stop. Even best laid plans may be interrupted though and as long as I haven’t started I can delay it. I hope I don’t need to though.
I want so much to go through with it. I […]
Looking for like minded people. I have dreamed of suicide since I was a teen. I made a couple feeble attempts as a teen but didn’t have the courage to pull it off. Now I’m a mother and I couldn’t put my child through the suffering of losing his only parent. I truly believe if I wasn’t a mother I wouldn’t be here. If anything ever happens to my son I would die soon after. He wants to go in the Army.. And I would never wish anything to happen to my boy but.. I can’t think of that. I love him more than anything. […]
a while ago, i read an article that says extreme prolonged loneliness is just as bad as obesity as far as lowering life expectancy. i think, good. i am both extremely lonely and obese. i hope it doubles my chance of dying early. sometimes i get little chest pains. i’m only 18. but when it happens, i think about how it would feel to have a heart attack. that’s how i’ll probably go, if i don’t do it first; my obesity + the stress of loneliness/depression/everything else will finally come crashing down onto me, like lightning, and i’ll be gone.
Lately, before I go to sleep, I read SP. I don’t do this because I am morbidly curious or just plain nosy, but because it helps me to realize that I am not alone. I don’t often comment (although I want to) because I honestly don’t know what to say. I want to hug you close and feed you comfort food and watch a good movie with you and make it all go away. Really, I should have the words because I work in the medical field and am surrounded by smart, caring and compassionate people every day, but guys…I’m so BAD at knowing what […]
As a futurist, i got to thinking last month – What if we passed a national law that would allow everyone who is alive today, to have there brains preserved by cryogenics upon death until science and technology advanced enough to not only bring us back but far enough into the future were suffering abolition is scientifically possible?
I say just the brain to save space and money. I believe that in the future, 3D printing like tech will advance enough to build an exact but better replica of your body around your brain. Along with your original brain, there will be your original memory, and implanted memories […]
This song really shows me how important you mean to me. You trust me with everything and maybe that’s the reason I am pushing you away. I care to much about you to let you be stuck in my screwed up life. I don’t think words describe how thankful I am that you have come into my life. This past weeks been hell, but everyday I looked for you and knew you’d always be there for me. You are the reason I am still here this year. I’ve wanted to end it many times but because of you I didn’t. You broke my walls down […]
I just realized I never really introduced myself. I am ‘bones. A teenage girl who was born with a sense of duty. The model child. People thought I was wierd. Mature for my age. People still think that. As far as a reason for being depressed, it is mostly a control issue. My family expects and demands perfection, and controlling me is like an insurance to them. “If she doesn’t have room to mess up, she won’t. But if she still does, lets completely restrict her!” As a way of claiming something for myself, I became addicted to not eating and to over-exercising. After the […]
I’m terrible with writing so please excuse how shitty this might come out. My name is Dorothy I am 18 years old and I have been depressed since about 9th grade. I grew up happy-mostly anyways. I had some issues with my mom but i was fine without her i don’t think that is the reason for my depression. I have not been diagnosed and not many people know about it. As in even my best friend doesn’t know. I have cut before but no one has noticed. My friends did in the first few years of high school but they have long forgotten now. […]
My name is Kristin! I am 15 years old. About 8 months ago now, my life was a bit hectic. I was living in Thailand at the time. I had a handful of friends, but I never got to hang out with them, because they were busy during the week and I was busy on weekends. SO therefore, I felt very alone most of the time. Being on the opposite side of the globe from everything I had ever known didn’t help much either. I felt lost and alone. I didn’t think anyone cared about how I felt. One day, I was at home alone, […]
This world we live in is a screwed up place ladies and gentlemen. This is even apparent in Junior High. You have the popular crowd who think they are better than everyone else. You have the jocks, who believe they can be assholes to everyone, even calling a girl a whore openly. Then you have the outcasts like me. We don’t fit in anywhere. We just take up space. That’s the hardest part about joining a new school. Unless the “cool” kids accept you when you join, making friends will be the hardest part of being there.
I was raised to think that depression and suicide were selfish acts committed in the despair and hollowness of one’s own soul based on their selfish desires. My mom gave me this idea. Strange, seeing how she used to be suicidal.
I have seen the families of suicide victims first hand. They rot away until they are dead themselves. Mere skins of the people they once were. And I feel selfish.
Why do I want to put my family through that? Why do I want to take my own life just because it would benefit me? Went to church today and the preacher was talking about […]
its fucking pathetic how paralyzed i get when i think about what happened
Recently me and my girlfriend broke up because of the things I have done in the past. I came up front and told her the things I did while we were together. So she decided to leave me. I’m not sure if she’s going to completely walk out my life just yet, but she has been ignoring me for a week now. My heart is just aching so bad from this situation. I wanted to tell her those things because I didn’t want to lie anymore. I’m so in love with this girl and she’s trying to walk out my life. Lately I have been […]
one day left. Its quite nice being so numb, i no longer think so much and no longer care about how it may affect her and everyone else. without her even being near me i can tell how hurt she is, i wish she would just let go, it would be so much easier…..people always say it’ll get better, well it never did it just got worse and even now people say it but they still don’t realise for some it never gets better, it just gets worse. I wonder whats after…..death, is it worse then this? Or better then this?
For the past 4-5 years, i’ve smoked an eighth of cannabis a day, every day, of every week. Needless to say, anxiety is something i’ve suffered with from day 1. Going out in public is hell, I generally sweat more than I can handle due to stress, and risk passing out each time I even have to visit the Doc – whom has no idea I’ve ever touched it. I also get extremely, extremely paranoid and self-concious about almost every part of myself, and every choice I make.
The real problem is, I don’t think it ends at anxiety at all, since 1-2 years ago suicide has […]
The post mentioning GGB reminds me of my story.
I spent some time around GGB with the most perfect woman in the world. I’m on another side of the globe. I flied to her place, and she brought me to GGB as one of the tourist spots.
I don’t think we will meet again. I don’t think she would want to see me anymore. But the photo of two of us in front of GGB keeps popping up in my phone.
And I’m here on this site. I just feel, maybe everything is related.
my mind really meant to me. I spent the majority of my teen and adolecent years concerned with how I looked, what I wore, who I spent time with and so on. My educaiton was never a really huge concern of mine (although I did care if I was able to get the higher marks on my sudies along with my peers) but I did okay as far as all of that went. Even into my 20’s I wasn’t as concerned with what I knew as much as I was with what I was doing at the time.
Now, here I am in my late […]
you kno what .. you wanna know what really fuckn sucks is when you think you can trust someone but they backstab you .. are you fuckn serious right now .. i guess this is gods way of showing me who i need in my life and who i dont ..
fuck friendship fuck love bc i get hurt in the end anyways
13 more days until my 60th birthday. I’ll be in San Francisco, visiting the GGB……I wonder………my heart function continues to deteriorate. There is no way the govt would put me high on a list for a transplant since I am on disability (little to no value to the US Govt). If I decide not to jump, I think I may just stop taking my heart meds and let nature take its course. I still have a nice little inheritance to blow on travel.
What do you guys think?