Recently me and my girlfriend broke up because of the things I have done in the past. I came up front and told her the things I did while we were together. So she decided to leave me. I’m not sure if she’s going to completely walk out my life just yet, but she has been ignoring me for a week now. My heart is just aching so bad from this situation. I wanted to tell her those things because I didn’t want to lie anymore. I’m so in love with this girl and she’s trying to walk out my life. Lately I have been thinking suicidal thoughts everyday. I try to think of ways to hurt myself all the time now. I tried cutting myself a few days ago and it sucks! what am i doing with myself. I feel like I’m losing myself during this relationship break up. I’m hurting bad… I cant see myself without her. I feel so attached to this girl. I’m constantly having thoughts of her sleeping with other guys and it’s tearing me apart. I just feel so emotional about all of this. I’m a guy, and I don’t understand why I feel like this. I need her. WHATS WRONG WITH ME!
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cutting is a bad habit, (or addiction rather) PLEASE DON’T CONTINUE. Breakups are hard, but making your skin look the way your heart feels is not an option, nor suicide. Tell yourself they are not on the table, and try to remain calm.
I have felt something similar, and did start cutting. The cutting stayed, but the other feelings did not.
“Attached” is a key word here. If you really wanted to love her, you would never have done anything that might cause her to leave you. Lying to a significant other creates walls between you. It is destructive behavior that subconsciously keeps you from becoming close to them, and thus helps to eschew the possibility of being hurt. It may be caused by deep-set issues (perhaps leading back to your childhood and adolescence), regarding insecurities surrounding rejection and abandonment.
‘Attachment’ is just that. It is not ‘love’ unless you were truly committed to her, and she was committed to you, and you both demonstrated this sentiment through your words and actions. Right now it sounds like you want to “have your cake and eat it too”. You’re possessive of your girl, but you expect her to forgive you for your actions that were harming your relationship? Once trust is broken, it’s usually over.
Word of advice: next time, if you want to be with someone, fully commit AS SOON AS you agree to be in an exclusive relationship. If you do anything to break this “contract” tell them immediately. Don’t lead them on, knowing that you are sabotaging the involvement from the inside.
If you CHOOSE to love somebody, honor this commitment. If you can’t handle that, then don’t get into serious relationships.
You might also want to analyze yourself and ask exactly ‘why’ you distanced yourself from your girlfriend through deception in that way. Was she not enough for you? Or are you searching for something within yourself, and until you find it, you will not be able to be ‘real’ and ‘vulnerable’ with a romantic pa.rtner?
I was going to second a lot of what Opacity said but add that another important thing is honesty, that every relationship should be built on a foundation of honesty…but, while I firmly believe that, as a person who has had one relationship in 33 years and who spends most of his time alone probably shouldn’t be giving relationship advice. I mean, I’m a guy who resisted getting direct deposit for years simply because putting my check in the bank every two weeks made me feel like I had a social life…
I do think honesty is good though, even if it is advice coming from me.
^ Absolutely, even if I didn’t explicitly state it, what I was intending to get across is that honesty is ALWAYS essential. Otherwise, your relationship will go nowhere. One pa.rtner may feel like they’re putting in all the effort, while they can’t reach the other… and why? Because of the walls they built through either deceit or not enough open communication. So… when in a relationship, always try to connect with your S.O. by talking to them and expressing what’s on your mind and what’s going on in your life, and listening to their goings on in turn, and by working through any issues together. If you become avoidant, shut down, and hope they’ll read your mind somehow… don’t expect to get very far.