I can’t tell people how I feel because of a misguided sense of how they perceive me and because the words that I have, as extensive as my vocabulary is, aren’t up to the task of adequately conveying the feelings I have or the impact they have on me. I am depressed, a condition which has sat in the background of my mind for a great many years and pervades the darkest corners of my conscious and subconscious thought. Why that is and where it comes from is a matter for discussion by people that have given themselves more education into the workings of the […]
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think
Here I am again, didn’t kill myself, pretty sure I won’t, but I’m already dead. Told God to leave me alone today, told Satan to take a hike too. How stupid is belief in God? I lay blame at his feet, I try to shame him by saying I would never treat my children they way he treats me, fact is, I do, I ignore the true needs of my son and he is lost just like me. My wife mocks me, says I need help, all I see is a bobble head when she talks and I hate her. I’m numb, dead inside, I […]
I ruined a friendship with one of my best friends because of work stress and now all I can think about is that I am a huge fuckup and want to die. I don’t even care about the job. I care about my friend. Why do I always get angry and push people away like this? I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It all seems so illogical and distant now.
I’ve had a few problems in hand lately and I guess I’ve lost my path again… I had troubles in 6 grade with bullying and family and almost decided to take my life when my purpose in life appeared before me. It’s been 2 years since that and I’m proud to say I’ve been helping people with their problems since then but now, I’m the one that needs help, I’ve fallen right back into the darkness that swallowed me whole. I have to say I’ve killed of the bullying, now it’s just family. Let me explain, I was doing just fine at school, grades above […]
On the 4th of December this year I will eliminate myself. My Father also died that day (how fitting) never knew him though. I’ve given myself 6 months to prepare. Not to contemplate it but get my shit in order. Need to save some money, so that I can go to whatever location of my choice. Will possibly spent my last hours on this Earth somewhere near the ocean or the forest. Somewhere I’ll finally be at peace. Have thought about suicide for 6 years now. Failed 3 times. But I shall not this time. People think suicide is such an irrational and crazy thing […]
I never knew about this website, but I’m glad that I came across it. The thoughts in my head have been getting worse and worse, but I keep trying to push through. Sometimes, it’s just easier to think “what would it be like if I were dead?” It all stared when I was just 11 years old. Here I am, 21 years old, and still fighting. When I was 11, life literally SUCKED. I attended a private school, and it’s true, the kids who go to school there are complete and total BITCHES. Just in 6th grade, I was bullied non stop. I was told […]
suicide isnt a joke nor is it a game.thats really fucked up when u make fun of people who cut and shit.ISNT NOT A JOKE OR A GAME stop being fvcking retards and make fun of people who r suicidual or were suicidual….. its not fun i know because now ppl at school ask me whats that on your arm and i say scars and they ask for what and i dont tell them because im afraid of getting bullied!so i know how it feels to get rumors spread about me nd shit because i have been at this school for about 5 months and […]
Every time I seem to like someone its strange.. like when I’m not with them all I do is think about them and get butterflies in my stomach when they text or something.. But when I’m with them I don’t feel anything towards them, it’s kinda like nothing.. like all I see is a person and don’t feel anything. Does ayone else get this?
I always here it. Suicide is so selfish it makes everyone around you unhappy.
Here’s what i have to say to that…
Suicide is not selfish, if anything, stopping suicide is selfish, because it’s selfish to make someone stay here on this world when they are in so much pain. Or even if they think that they are having a bad effect on the world. I think that people have the right to kill themselves without being reprimanded by people who have no idea what it’s like…
Also, if someone kills themselves people should be happy for them, they discovered there emotions and acted upon them. If you […]
i really dont see meaning in nothing. i just want a courage to stop this hell that is to exist and to deal with problems that will never stop.
nothing keeps me wanting to live here.. oh god, how i hate my parents for being so egoistic and putting a life in a hell of world. i think that having children is the most egoistic act ever, you only put a life there and fuck it and if the life just not feel ok with that, ohh you’re a douche.. you have problems.. NO, you that put me here that have problem. not me. fuck you.
i […]
I don’t know what to say, so I’ll just ramble.
For the past two weeks the only thing that has been on my mind is putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger.
Three years ago I would have said that there may still be hope for me. Five years ago I would have said that suicide is a cowards way out. But now, I see it a bit differently.
Now, I see just how much strength it takes to abandon whatever it is that convinced you to stay for so long and enter permanently the into the unknown. I understand that it isn’t a way […]
Well, been with this girl for the past 4 years. The most amazing girl, did everything she can to me, gave me all the love that she could. Everything was perfect.. A few months ago though, I got bored, and ended up cheating, and told her. The girl I cheated with had gotten pregnant.. Of course, my gf left me. Told me if she knew it wasn’t mine then maybe we could work through it. Well that was 2 weeks ago, I get a call this morning saying the baby didn’t make it. So I called her and she said “well that was last week, […]
I have been back home to my country to attend my niece’s wedding, it was beautiful event, but it made realize how so alone I am and I have nobody to say all this to as my family doesn’t know that I am ill with my mental health and that I have been suicidal for last for months and that I had made 7 unsucessful atttempts at ending it all and was twice in psych hospital to stop me killing myself as on those two ocassions I would have not survived if they hadn’t stopped me.
In my visit to my country, my friend told me […]
I can’t rest, my mind in total chaos. My emotions are doing what they do best, running a muck through my veins flowing to my heart choking me with every thought. I am lost unable to process my thoughts. My voice is gone, I’m choking am I alive? My thoughts wrapped around my throat. As my thoughts continue to flow, the choking keeps growing. My heart beat it’s slowing, my body emotionally dying….
I had an appointment with my mental health team again today, or something that resembled that, as it was agnes again, the women who’s job a monkey could do, which sounds cruel I know, but she studied for what three to five years to be a counsellor, yet displays no professional skill, its like talking to one of my mums friends, or some women who just walked in off the street
To be honest I was in a mood, she started off by saying ‘what a lovely day, good day to get some washing out, do you ever hang out washing’ I didn’t reply, so […]
As I sit here writing this all I can think about is the medication I want to overdose on. I’m a very easy person to talk to, I’ve been taken advantage of and at this point I’m really ready to be done. Life as I know it could quickly end. I’m 16 and have been to hell. My parents caught me my first attempt and thus putting me in therapy because they said I had lost it. Â How can I make it stop
Ever since I was a little kid maybe just 5 years old I was always extremely depressed. When all other kids were thinking about growing up, getting a job married etc. the only thing I would think about all day every day is “I can’t wait till I die” I always would tell myself that I won’t live to 18 then I said I won’t live to 21. As a kid my dad was very abusive towards me my mom and my siblings. I have a neurological disorder that makes me grown little bumps on my body. It causes me to walk slightly slanted forward […]
Ever since I was a little kid maybe just 5 years old I was always extremely depressed. When all other kids were thinking about growing up, getting a job married etc. the only thing I would think about all day every day is “I can’t wait till I die” I always would tell myself that I won’t live to 18 then I said I won’t live to 21. As a kid my dad was very abusive towards me my mom and my siblings. I have a neurological disorder that makes me grown little bumps on my body. It causes me to walk slightly slanted forward […]
If I were to die, who would care?
I’m sure someone would care, for a few minutes, but honestly, who would really take it to heart because I meant something?
My family might care for a minute, but they would forget about me, probably within a week.
I don’t really have any friends, and I know why. I am a jerk. I am worthless and stupid and I have no purpose. So, the people who are “friends” with me are friends with me out of pity. They would probably be better off if I died.
I honestly can’t think of anyone who would […]
Whenever something bad happens in my life I dont have anyone to go to. If my friends or family try to give me advice i pretend to listen and to understand what they’re saying. It’s just they dont understand what I go through even though they think they do. I always so they have to experince it for themselves to understand. I love my two three main friends because they listen and one of them kind of go trough the same shit everyday like me.