I´m 16,diagnosed with major depression,been depressed and suicidal for over a year now,I recently got out of a mental hospital,I was put there for suicide risk,it was one hell for me,I hated every single second I spent there,I were there for a little over 3 months,every second of it I spent faking my smile and telling lies about my mood and suicide thoughts, just to get out of there,it was really hard for me,I never want to go there anymore. So now that i´m finally out of the mental hospital,I have to keep this fake smile on my face constantly and act like everything is […]
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today
I cut myself twice today and the addiction starts.
I had something to say, something clever and witty. Now I can’t even remember what it was. Like I’m losing track of my own mind. I’m good at my job, I think. But today, I couldn’t remember how to do even the basic stuff. And I really want to hit the voice in my head, even though that wouldn’t work, and it’s a stupid idea.
I’ve failed myself, once again.
Two weeks ago, I threw away my blades, and said “This time, I’m stopping”.
I didn’t cut for two weeks. I snapped bands against my wrists until my skin turned purple, and dug dents into my skin with my nails, but I didn’t cut.
I went to the store today and bought a new straight edge razor.
I cut myself.
I gave up.
I don’t think I can do this anymore…
I made a decision weeks ago that I have to live for my family, but…
by cagedtiger
written by cagedtiger
All I can think about every minute is dying. I want to fucking die today, right now, so badly. Â :'(
I have to wake up early in the morning to go see a pyschiatrist.
I’m really scared though.
I mean, what if he/she thinks I’m some crazy person? Or thinks I should be locked up in some mental hospital?
My anxiety is being a big bother at the moment, and I have no mecidine to control it at the moment.
Wish me luck for tomorrow .. er.. today I guess since it’s 12:00 a.m.
have a nice social buzz going what better time to reach out? today is an anniversary of sorts for me. one year ago today i got felt up by a cop in front of an office full of people. checking for the gun i had recently purchased. in my state i had to wait 3 days to get it. so therefore i didn’t have it yet. the whole incident was traumatizing. and in after thought was a mistake. should have learned to keep my mouth shut. i really don’t know what i was hoping to accomplish. my stay at the nut hut was a waste […]
i dont know.. maybe its cliche but I cant stop thinking of a way to end today
not even today only.. but maybe all the days?
I started self harming when I was in 4th grade. I would choke myself, buy one day my mom read my diary and flipped.
I STOPPED. YOU HEAR THAT? I STOPPED AND WASNT EVEN STRONG ENOUGH TO NOT GO BACK.
7Th grade rolled around and I cut. I cut because I was in a new school, and everyone hated me
8th grade came, and I cut. I cut because I just couldnt be happy with my new popular friends.
sophomore here, and I’m ready. I’m […]
I had a really good day today. I took my close friend home and then went bowling with my mom. Then had a rec cheer game. The only thing I have to say is I felt as though no one was themselves. Like they were there physically but mentally they were somewhere else. I tried to ignore it but it still stuck out to me.
Hi Guys,
Sorry for the late notice… But I am disconnecting from the world to go Dog Sledding. 😀 So I will NOT be post today or tomorrow. I will post Sunday though. Have a good weekend!!! And don’t worry about me! 😀
Hi Guys,
It’s almost 10 here and I am exhausted… Needless to say I do enjoy writing, just not when I am extremely tired. So if this is short I do apologize for that.
Now how are you? (Don’t forget to comment! I do read them… Sometimes I forget to reply… Sorry, but I do read them!)
How am I? Physically: Sore, Tired, Exhausted Mentally: Broken
My physical state… Well I went skiing tonight (for ski club) fell down and my ski tip jabbed into my inner thigh soo that’s bruised. I had a few panic attacks and two breakdowns where I couldn’t take […]
I have spent a long time reading through this site. But never posted.
For the last 3 years now is struggled with depression, caused by job stress, relationship etc. Over the last two month I hit a patch where my job and my boss brought me right down. I’d entertained the idea of suicide, but could never go any further than that because of my partner, whom I love very much.
So for two months I’ve fought back, getting back to a healthy state, then on saturday night, after a good day in the sun, drinking and enjoying my time with my partner and friends, I go […]
Hi Guys,
It’s day 19… Woo… Ummm sooo… Guess I’m continuing these things?
My day… I had a few panic attacks… Well to be exact two… *sigh* Maybe they’ll get better… Umm… So yeah….
How am I? Physically: Terrible absolutely terrible Mentally: Awful
My physical state… *sigh* I’m sickish… I have a headache, my nose hurts, I may or may not have a fever and I’m really stressed out… So I’m not doing so well in my physical state all I want to do is curl up and cuddle with someone, but alas no one is here to cuddle with […]
i don’t want to kill myself i just can’t live anymore. this is not a life. i can’t be who i know i am i have to be what somebody else thinks i am. my life is defined by them. not who i am TODAY. i hate my life, i truly mean that, i have nothing, and i can’t just live life. i am my own person. I’m not what somebody else thinks of me. but what difference does it make if i can’t show them that! i have to go on everyday like this?! the only person i care about is the one who […]
This is my tribute to bullying. There are SO MANY kids out there getting bullied. And what are we doing to stop it? Nothing. Stand up for once. Be yourself. Stop being fakes. And start caring. WE can only change this world. It’s not going to magically happen. So live in the moment. Don’t bully. Be you. And stand out. You were born to be YOU. Not someone else. You weren’t born to be bullied or to be a bully, just you. So what if you were born ‘weird’, an ‘outcast’, or ‘nerdy’. It’s you. You can’t change who you were supposed to be. […]
I have struggled with addiction,depression,low self esteem,family issues,loss,grief etc for the better part of my life.I have attempted to take my life a few times,most times not truly wanting to die,was more of a cry for help.A year or so ago my best friend commited suicide,it was a very hard thing to deal with,it hurt very much.I always think of the way that he did it,i think that is how i want to go as well.Last year on x mas eve,i received some news that was rather bothersome to me,it hurt me deeply.I turned to alcohol,for the most part ive been clean for 10 years,the […]
Today I told my mom pretty much that I hated her. We got into this big arguement about nothing. Then we got into another one and it was about my best friend/sisster. She told me I was hanging out with her too much and asked me if we were gay. I said ” You know what I’m getting tired of being accused of being gay. But I’m not and neither is she. Maybe she’s not old enough to be my mother but at least she’d treat me like a mother is supposed to because obviously you don’t give a shit about me. And if you […]
I was thinking today of a conversation i had with a teacher of mine a long time ago now. it was a biology class and she was going on about the whole nature versus nurture, i told her at the time that either one on its own is not important, i went on to talk about serial killers, how a partially damaged frontal lobe is an indicator to seriall killers, but i then went on to say that not all people with that type of damage turn out to be serial killers so logically speaking there has to be another facter, how they were nurtured […]
I didn’t eat yesterday but a small bowl of chicken pasta from panera bread. I haven’t eaten anything today yet. But I know my best friend/sisster is going to make me eat lunch. I just don’t like eating, I think eating is gross. On top of that I don’t have an appetite for anything. Plus I am a very picky eater.
Today I’m going to lunch with my best friend/sisster. She knows my whole life story and I love her and respect her so much. I don’t know what I would do without her. She has been through a lot with me and I make up excuses and she doesn’t buy them so that’s how I know she will always be there for me know matter how many times I try to push her away. I’ve lost many friends buy pushing them away with all my excuses. I hope today goes well for me and I will let you all know how it goes.