I remembered laying against your soft naked breast. We cuddled at the Deadly Muppets theme camp for what must have been 6 hours. I didn’t realize how fast the time flew by. The sun rose and I had to leave you. I didn’t even know your name. We just lay against one another for so long. That whole weekend I spent falling in and out of love. It couldn’t have been the drugs or alcohol, but my desperation to find someone to fill that dreaded empty feeling digging deeper and deeper inside of me. I’m so confused. I think I’m gay. I only have these […]
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together
I should be working on the first part of my huge Payroll Accounting project; I’m working on my will, instead. I should be listening to music and immersed in the challenge of putting the numbers together and getting them to make sense; I’m sitting in silence and thinking about taking a nap so I don’t have to feel for a little bit. I should be be functional, happy, and loved; I’m broken, miserable, and unwanted. Horrible timing, really, it was on figuring out that, for me, love is unconditional. It’s not “I’ll only love you if…”, it’s just “I love you.” […]
I just realized I never really introduced myself. I am ‘bones. A teenage girl who was born with a sense of duty. The model child. People thought I was wierd. Mature for my age. People still think that. As far as a reason for being depressed, it is mostly a control issue. My family expects and demands perfection, and controlling me is like an insurance to them. “If she doesn’t have room to mess up, she won’t. But if she still does, lets completely restrict her!” As a way of claiming something for myself, I became addicted to not eating and to over-exercising. After the […]
You don’t have to make your breathing stop to be actually dead. There’s this self-therapy to make you go bat-shit insane. You’ll laugh and cry until the two blur together like an ugly blur of paint colors and you won’t be able to paint a picture, no, but you’ll be able to rot in the trash. No one wants grey paint
Go to sleep and scare yourself. It works. Lucid dreaming. Frighten yourself to the point of numbness
Have you ever stared in the mirror for too long? That pale fleshy creature morphs into something twisted and grey and demonic, hollow, empty, dead!!! And yet alive…..
Last night […]
I’m terrible with writing so please excuse how shitty this might come out. My name is Dorothy I am 18 years old and I have been depressed since about 9th grade. I grew up happy-mostly anyways. I had some issues with my mom but i was fine without her i don’t think that is the reason for my depression. I have not been diagnosed and not many people know about it. As in even my best friend doesn’t know. I have cut before but no one has noticed. My friends did in the first few years of high school but they have long forgotten now. […]
Unfortunately, death is less beautiful. There is no beauty in death for me.
Me: a once vibrant, beautiful girl, has rotted away, literally.
I don’t want to be ill, but I am. There is no going backwards. Things have gotten much worse. I am deteriorating rapidly again. There is no ease. I cannot accept.
I have suffered a lot in the last two years.
I don’t want to die. I want to be alive, happy and well. I am not well, however.
Even as empty as I feel, I just don’t feel good about myself to be around others anymore. I need to die, […]
Recently me and my girlfriend broke up because of the things I have done in the past. I came up front and told her the things I did while we were together. So she decided to leave me. I’m not sure if she’s going to completely walk out my life just yet, but she has been ignoring me for a week now. My heart is just aching so bad from this situation. I wanted to tell her those things because I didn’t want to lie anymore. I’m so in love with this girl and she’s trying to walk out my life. Lately I have been […]
Dear ole friend:
We were bullied together. This bonded us.
We fought with each other. This strengthened us.
We teased each other. This helped us.
Your mom killed herself. This broke us.
You won’t talk to me. This hurts me.
I wish I was your mom. Then you wouldn’t die.
But I know. You’re just like your mom. I just hope I can wait until after you die so you don’t lose two people in the same year.
I used to hate you for trying to be my friend. But you finally made it.
I’m gonna miss you. Bye…
~Me
My wife came and stayed with me last night. And brought one of our kids. I missed her. We lived together. Then we were separated due to her fake beatfriend/roomate giving her altimatums on me being there. Today is the fifth day we’ve been living apart. Last night went great. Of course we bickered about what has been going on and stuff sence I’ve been gone the house isn’t a home . its been turned into a frat house. She promises to have me back home soon. She promises to have me back in her arms. In our bed with our pup and our normal […]
It has been 11 months since I got cheated on the day before my birthday. I made a date with the weekend of the 4th of april; I just need to book the hotel.. so far all my plans were about being silent, calm, alone so that my body would be discovered only by the amount of concern people have for me.
Now, I plan to jump down from the highest hotel this city has to offer me with enough pills to make sure that I will be K.O. during the free fall…
The reason? Partly the fact that this girl cheated on me over and over […]
This world has overcome me on a whole new level. This emptiness I feel just won’t leave.. It’s useless I really don’t know why I try. I should just lay here and slowly waste away. People ask if you could sit down for hours or days and think about where your life will be in 5 years or 10 years or maybe even just 2 months from now I’ll never have an answer. I can not see myself anywhere new unless it leads to death.. It’s the only way I feel I’ll find some sort of peace. The only way I’ll ever feel like I’ve […]
She talked to me for the first time in a month today. Just to tell me she has no feelings for me. After five years. We were raising a family together. Thats what I get, I was an asshole. I cant be mad at her. But damn the truth hurts. Wasn’t this supposed to get easier? I just want to give up so bad. Fuck me.
so I’ve been thinking about going on disability for a while, until I can get my shit together. I’m going to be 21 in a few months…and because I don’t have a job, all my help will come to a halt. And God knows if that happens I’m lost for good. And I can’t handle a lot right now. I get overwhelmed very easily. Just thinking about going on disability for a while makes me feel even more incapable then I already do.
On a different note…
Has anyone considered suicide by cop? I’ve been thinking about it.
I don’t know how I do it. I think I’m different from a lot of people on here. I’m mostly happy. I have a house and truck and a cat and a business. And a wife. She means more to me than anything has ever meant to me. We’re so good together, the perfect team. Except we fight. A lot. When I get passionate about something I really dig in my heels and so does she so we clash. I have a temper, a bad one. I’ve been blowing up at people when they push me as long as I can remember. I work on […]
I don’t know what to do anymore and I could use some advice or something. On January 18 my boyfriend left me. He was the only reason I had to keep going. He was my only happiness in the mess I call a life. We had been together for four months. We’re both in high school- he’s a senior and I’m a junior. He just moved here from another state and has been through a similar but far worse past. We understood each other, or I thought we did. We were good for each other. The last month we were together my medications changed. I […]
Well I just got dumped this past saturday after 2 1/2 years of being together. I guess I should have realized the signs when he stopped answering my messages of fb for two weeks…. The worse part he didn’t even give me an actual reason on why…. Just a bunch of shitty excuses and fake lies like oh It would be better if we were best friends…. NO ALL YOU DID WAS FRICKEN STABBED ME IN THE FUCKIN BACK AND LEFT THE KNIFE IN IT!
I’ve been pretty much in a pretty bad funk/depression all week going by so slow feeling like I’m in a time […]
Looking for partners who would like to end it with me together. A suicide pact. I live in nj and can’t travel. So you must be able to come to me. Email me at alexlee94@outlook.com to discuss.
I don’t know any more. I don’t think that my time here is going to be much longer. I feel that I have done my journey, its all over for me. I miss my ex and the true love that we actually had together and how pure that love actually was to me. It was so clear and considering the time and effort that was spent on everything. The love we had for each other was something that I probably will never have again. I still love him and that love will always be with me <3 *sorry if this post makes no sense, I […]
Don’t read this if you don’t want to. I don’t expect people to do it. I just need to summarize the past months to see where I fucked up once again.
I started highschool, alone, like always.
People came to me asking why was I alone and if I wanted to be with them.
I befriended them.
I started meeting more and more people. They all seemed really nice.
Probably I fell in love with someone.
All my friends are “divided” into 2 different groups.
Group 1.
-The girl I accidentally fell in love with even when I know I will never accomplish anything.
-The girl’s best […]
I lived in a broken family. Divorced parents, lots of fights, my mom and brother didn’t get a long, never-ending shouting, crying and screaming. I tried not to say a word, to appear strong, to not make things worse. For years since I was in primary school I felt alone and longed for love. I felt broken inside, so broken to the point that I feel numb and empty, I had to cut myself just to feel again. To feel anything, to remind me that I can feel pain, and I’m still living. The blood trickling down my skin to the bathroom floor somehow calms […]