im tried talking to my aunt once again about helping me with supplies I need for euthanasia. I gave her all my logical reasons, told her that I’d feel so much relief just by having it here, even if I wasn’t gonna use it right away. I told her that it’s not fair to force me to live without a peaceful means out and that if I continu living, I’m probably gonna die a painful death anyway. She said “I’ll make you a deal, if you ever become terminally ill I’ll help you”. But I’m NOT terminally ill! I want this instrument of euthanasia. Even […]
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told
so, my headache had gotten worse (due to overthinking) and I decided to go to a counselor and she told me that I should undergo to a therapy and I’m planning to tell it to my mom but I guess she’s just kid me again like when I told her I wanted to die/kill myself and she said she’d even help me. I wish I could stop thinking you know, i wish these thoughts would just perish
iam 21 and i have gone through many things which are beyond my age. i love my family very much. i love u mom sister and my brother. iam sorry that iam going to end my life as soon as possible becase i cant stay in this world full of fake. i always tried to be myself and because of that people hate me saying im proud an egoist.
i love u dad.. before u left us…every thing was perfect.. my life was a heaven. now its a hell which i want to end. i wonder what people think if i die…no one does not even […]
I don’t get it. My parents say that my depression is just and act, but when my sister boyfriend breaks up with her and she goes and cries they help her right away. But when I’m crying or just lock my self in my room all they say is oh stop acting like a child. When i told them that i have some scars, this is the thing that got me so mad all they did was laugh. They say im just acting. But I’m not they don’t know i tried to kill my self more then once and all they say is that I’m […]
I’m suffocating.
I don’t know any other word for it.
I’m slowly suffocating in this life and I’m dying inside.
My mother asked me today, “Would you mind if I smoke?”
She knows that I HATE when she smokes. I’ve tried to help her stop smoking for the past 13 years and it seems like every time I think she;s getting better, she’s just faking it.
She told me she hopes that I can forgive her.
But how can I forgive a hypocrite? When I started smoking, she almost threw me out of the house. When I […]
I think if I didn’t have a mom and dad It would definitely be a lot easier to die. It must be a much harder choice for people who others rely on, how can you go through with it if you have kids? I’m lucky nobody relies on me, I’m only thinking how bad the effect will be on my parents who love me but don’t rely on me and actually want me to go live on my own now. How do I minimize the suffering death can cause? I’ve tried once before but I began thinking of my mom as an old lady with […]
I’m not really sure what to say im new to this googling suicide crap. All night I been thinking about ways to kill myself how to do it. This isn’t the first suicide attempt. There’s been a few but overdoses never really work I end up being sick and well I failed. But tonight I just can’t cope anymore. It’s getting worse and worse I don’t get any help with my depression. I even told my support worker I’m going delusional. Funny thing is she thought it was nothing and signed me off that day! Tonight I even written a suicide note. First time and […]
i stopped smoking weed cause everyone told me that was the reason I was depressed. But now, I feel overwhelmed with anxiety all the time and I have such horrible violent nightmares all the time. My bf always plays really loud violent games all the time, and I wish I could shoot my head off.
How does one *fix* the affects of abuse? You can’t fix that what is. You just learn to cope. No matter how hard one tries, the memories are still remain; forever haunting, forever there.
I have been told to dwell not on that what was but rather focus on what can be. I have always maintained that focusing (and influencing) one’s future is largely based on one’s past, as it is one’s past that makes up one’s present. It is one’s present that gives one strength and abilities to influence one’s future. We are after all the sum of all of our experiences.
One’s past = […]
I have felt like shit for so long, I don’t remember what it’s like to feel normal.
Since the fifth grade, I have been dieting because one of my friends constantly told me my thighs were fat. I compared myself to her daily: She was pretty, had good grades, had a Mom lot of boys wanting to be her boyfriend, and I had jack shit.
In sixth grade, I started self harming. I was caught, but nothing came of it and I started to do it again about a month later.
In seventh grade, I started getting bullied. I would get shoved in the halls and would get called ******, […]
Everyone tells me that I had no choice, and that it wasn’t my fault. They said I did a lot more than what most would do. But I don’t feel that way, because I took her there. I am fully responsible for her death. I am to blame. It was my fault. I was supposed to take care of her, but instead, I sent her away. She died because of me.
It was horrible and heartbreaking why they decided to put her down. It shattered me.
I was going back for her, I couldn’t stand it that she was there. I was waiting for […]
Well it started in primary I was 4 when I started getting bullied I begged my parents to let me move school and they kept shouting at me and telling me no but when I told them they just shouted at me even more and told me they didn’t believe me, that was them on good days…
As I grew up it got worse in year 6 I started getting abused by people at school but I didn’t understand depression then, it came summer holidays I left primary and then it was high school
I thought I’d have a fresh start with new people from different schools, […]
why must i live only to be hit.
why must my life always be in pain.
why does no one care when they see this kind of thing?
why is it that when people see the buses they laugh and stare?
why does no one care what happens to me? why does everyone think its funny?
is it because you hear and see it on the news everyday a father who is drunk punches his child and gets a way with it i tryed getting help only to be told you are a lier and a sinner thats why you deserve it. i walk alone on […]
I wish I were dead. I wish that, every single hour of every single day. I can’t actually do it myself. I can’t bring myself to be the one to do that to my parents. They wouldn’t understand, they would think it was their fault. In truth, I am privileged to have the parents that I do. It never feels like enough. I’m 28 years old, I’m single. And not just normal single, like, still a virgin, never even been kissed or asked out on one single, solitary date. Pathetic. Its driving me crazy. When I was younger my mom used to joke to her friends […]
People used to always tell me I looked like my sister… she was my best friend through out all the shit we went through, never leaving my side and always by me. She was my rock but then things just got way out of control and then we separated and it’s still so new to me because I’m not used to not seeing her or her not coming to me for advice … no one told us how hard it is to loose someone so close to you. I wish she could see me living my dream and be there cheering me on but I […]
I know I’m not pretty because many guys have left me for other women. My former fiancee constantly contacted prostitutes and denied it, posted pictures of his body parts online and to other women, and told me it wasn’t him. I’m being treated like I’m stupid. My boyfriend just said that I take credit for other peoples’ work, but he also told me I was fat. He talks about other girls’ butts and how smart they are, but whenever he says anything about me, I feel that it is fake. I’ve never done anything to deserve being loved in this life. Everyone else is married […]
I wanna say thanks to you all for accepting me into this group. Never thought I’d find such amazing people that think just like I do. Not only that, but yall have the dignity to accept me for who I am and even though I’ll be dead this time next year and have a long way to go to get there (since I got a lot of funding to do), none of you told me DONT DO IT! That means a lot to me. Total validation and acceptance of my choice, and self ownership means a lot to me. As I plan my eventual end, […]
I got frustrated watching the Sopranos last night because the characters were acting stupid. My anger at these fictional people once again reminded me of how empty my life is. I recently came to the realization that I don’t actually have any friends. My co-workers only care about what I have to say if it’s entertaining and won’t hang out with me after hours. The friends that I do see in my spare time only ever want to do stuff once every 3 or 4 months. The guy that I considered my best friend is little more than an acquaintance. I’ve told him so much […]
My doctor told me he can’t help me by himself. Meaning he wants me to go to somebody else… The problem with that is I hate talking and I don’t trust people so easily plus I don’t have insurance so my doctor gives me a deal when I go for a check up. There’s barely any groups around me its just frustrating he won’t see me again until I go and see someone else and he gets their opinion. Problem is he also won’t refill my medicine one day without Paxil after on it forever tears me apart from the inside out.
so i started to cut myself. My sister found out and wanted to talk to me. She asked me why do i do it and i couldnt tell her…i couldnt tell her that the pain from cuts makes me forget about my mental pain, it also kind of feels good. i just told her “i dont know” and kept quiet. I promised her not to do it anymore, but i couldnt keep that promise. Instead, I now have scars on my legs. Much deeper scars. and it helps.