I hate when people tell me it’s going to be ok… That life gets better. I get that, I do. But honestly if I lived an alliterative life with all the money in the world I still wouldn’t be happy. I know too much and seen too much to be happy. Why can’t people accept that?
I really don’t know where to start. I guess I’ll start by saying I’m transgender…and please no comments about your thoughts on transgenderism.
I’ve been through so much in my life and have so much to be thankful for, but lately I have this deeply engrained feeling like I’ll always be alone and nobody will ever understand me. Some days it’s just all too much and I’ve been desperate for relief.
I guess I’m here because I don’t feel like I have anyone I can tell this to without them wanting to admit me to some psych ward
I love someone infinitely and I think my love will last forever.
Yes, I’m bipolar. My moods swings too much these days.
Sometimes I’m so sad, sometimes I’m indifferent, sometimes so full of love, sometimes rage shows me the nightmare.(but mostly depression bother me.( my crazy thoughts were on bullet train for last few days.))
But it doesn’t matter how I am, I always believe in love peace and harmony.
It’s the only thing worth living.
But I’m so fade up with people’s fucking hatred behaviour. It runs so deep in them.
I can’t understand how can someone live with so much hatred in his/her mind […]
Wanna know something I’ve never admitted before now? I’m not scared of the darkness inside me. It’s comfortable, familiar, but I’m terrified of the pure. It’s in there somewhere and I swear it’s so bright It washes over everything else until it’s all I can see, and it it’s in love with everyone. Honestly I just want so bad to embrace it but I think it has the power to destroy the rest of me. It feels like my choices are to watch myself destroy my own life like I always do, or die in a barrage of change, and I’m too much of a […]
It’s been a very long time since I have visited here. It’s been at least two months since I wrote anything here and since I felt this lost. Tonight however, was the first time in what feels like an eternity that I felt completely lost, alone, helpless, and like no one was ever going to be able to be trusted again.
You see, to understand you would have to know what it felt like to be living a type of Quintin Terentino movie that felt all too much like a dream but one that you could never wake up from. Add to that a movie […]
A year ago, when I bought my burial plot and put a deposit on my tombstone, I was certain that I was doing the right thing. I only asked God to grant me one thing, and vowed that afterwards I would be willing to carry out my end of the bargain. I was granted the time I wished. Now, that time is over and I realize I no longer have that excuse. But although I already feel lifeless, I’ve discovered that I am too much of a coward to follow through. And, I also realize that God knew all along that I wouldn’t have the […]
hey so I found SP while I was researching on pills overdosage and ever since the past few months been lurking on this page, reading many posts and decided to make an account today.
Its another year and most of the people I see are anticipating what the new year brings but im dreading it. Really, really badly. School is starting which is bad because I have to deal alot with being lonely and left out and anxiety issues which sucks alot. I know there are way graver problems out there, people starving in Africa, beggars on the street. And here am I, letting my […]
ok so I logged in here after several months of just lurking and someone had changed my nickname to TrustMyDogB4Men. I did not do that and would never choose that nickname even though I have been through a lot of crap with someone, and it did have to do with my dog. I had someone try to kill my dog, so even though the nickname rings true, I would have never put that on here. How could someone change my name and know those things about me if I never said anything here about it? I’m really kind of creeped out. Someone knows a little […]
For all things wonderful, for family, for gift giving and gift receiving. For eating too much and drinking too much. For laughing with others and enjoying ourselves.
Yet why during this time do I year after year research ways or attempt to kill myself. I understand it’s a tough time of year. However I can’t say anything specific happened this time of year. I just can’t keep up with the joyfulness I feel the pressure to be a part of. The rest of the year I can hide away and blend in if I feel like crap, but people seem to notice a lot more this […]
This is embarrassing for me. I feel weak and pathetic and I have never shared these feelings with anyone (except for my boyfriend a long time ago who says I need to stop being so dramatic) I don’t have any real friends and have a difficult time getting close to people. My ex of seven years left me right after I had our twins. I haven’t seen him since they were born. I am a failure as a mother, too impatient and stressed. I get no break from parenting besides work, which fails miserably at supporting me and the kids. I am disgusted by my […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
To all those who have commented on my posts and made me laugh and smile, thank you. I originally posted the material to help others, but it had an effect on me as well. You guys are beautiful people, and even though we don’t know each other, thank you for being here as I’m going through a very rough time in my life right now. I will continue to post as I have fallen in love with this forum. <3
Merry Christmas if you celebrate it, if not then have a nice vacation/break, and I hope your problems whatever they may be won’t trouble you too […]
No one knows how much I’m suffering . And the ones who do tell me I’m too much. So what do I do?
I’ve been going about every day all by my self . And I am alone . All my thoughts get to me . Some days I stand outside and notice how beautiful it is and feel the warm sun and close my eyes and i somehow feel content in that moment , being by my self .
Whenever I’m going to hangout with someone , they end up making excuses to why they can’t hangout. I wish people would straight up tell me they […]
I think I drive my self crazy. Last night I woke up at 3:11am , I always wake at this time. The numbers are really significant . They say that angels are trying to reach to me to give me peace . Numbers freak me out . And math freaks me out . Newton invented math , BUT HOW THE FUCK IS IT SO PERFECT??? I was up to 7 am this morning researching shit on this . It makes me head hurt . Then I started researching more philosophical views on life . All these geniuses were depressed too . I think they knew […]
Fuck, yeah, I’m drunk again…
Anyway, so I noticed that when I drink too much I get some kind of anxiety. I’m afraid of choking on vomit, so I try every time, as best as I can, not to fall asleep. Suicidal as I am, I still fear the idea of choking to death. I’m doing my best to try and stay awake until I sober up. If you guys would be so kind to comment in order to keep me busy reading what you’re saying, you’d be doing me a great service in helping keep me awake.
One question: Do you guys also get this type […]
I’ve wanted to die for as long as j can remember. I’m 29 and can remember wanting to. I’ve had so many opportunities but am too much of a ***** to pull he trigger, jump, take the pills, ect. And believe me, I want to do it. I just can’t. Hopefully the exit bag will help. Just gotta make it. (I just found this site which lead me to the discovery of the bag)
Lately I have had insomnia (again). I mean I always liked not sleeping at night, guess I just liked the quiteness and tranquil aspect about it.
Yet too much crazy things are happening in my life. Do you guys ever feel like that? How reality seems stranger than fiction, and not at all how like it used to be when you were a kid. I think I am going insane, or maybe I already am…
I don’t know why crazy things are always happening in my life. It’s more than just a coincidence. Like how my life panned out. It goes all the way to my grandfather, […]
Fuck this life, man…
Fuck it all… Not even dope can help me heal now… It’s all clear, I’m not meant to live in this world, or any other for that matter…
I hate it when I have to wake up in the morning… Sleeping without any dreams is so peaceful… If death is like that, I want to die. There may be no turning back, but I don’t want to ever wake up again. All I want is to sleep. An eternal sleep, and nothing more. Is that too much to ask of this sadistic world? Perhaps it is…
Because of my new part-time job (as a […]
I’m thinking about doing it tonight. I’ll probably be a coward like the last few times, so don’t worry too much. However, in case of being successful I want to wish you the best. You’re all great human beings who deserve to be happy.
I have a few hours to think about it. But I’m scared. I’m afraid of succeeding. But I’m also afraid of not being successful.