hey so I found SP while I was researching on pills overdosage and ever since the past few months been lurking on this page, reading many posts and decided to make an account today.
Its another year and most of the people I see are anticipating what the new year brings but im dreading it. Really, really badly. School is starting which is bad because I have to deal alot with being lonely and left out and anxiety issues which sucks alot. I know there are way graver problems out there, people starving in Africa, beggars on the street. And here am I, letting my depression consume me everyday. I cry too much, think too much, and at the end of the day I have to deal with another day of bullshit.
I hate myself for not being able to deal with reality, but yet not having the guts to end it all. I cant express it simply, but having to deal with humans, people in school, getting left out and painful old memories actually takes a huge mental toll on me.
I know I shouldnt be ranting since many others have it much worse, im sorry.
To anyone out there, do hang on and may things hopefully get better.
7 comments
Hello and welcome!
Don’t beat yourself for thinking about your life. Yes, there are people starving, but that doesn’t mean you can’t feel pain and that you should feel bad about it. In that case even kids in Africa who starve have no right to feel bad since people had it worse in death camps. You see, it’s a vicious circle and we shouldn’t go down that road. Also, not that many people starve in Africa. Their biggest problem is insane corruption, except in war zones. About beggars – many actually chose that way of life, as, at least in the west, state offers plenty of opportunity to get back on your feet if you want to. For example in my country you can get a shelter, reeducation, a temporary job, medical care, etc, yet you can find homeless people in here. It’s great you feel empathy for others, but you are in no way responsible for their misfortune and don’t blame yourself for what is not your fault.
About school – while I can’t promise you anything, in my case, things got a lot better when I got to the college and it was actually easier for me to go to work than to go, for example, to the high school, despite the fact that I had lots of friends and a handful of real friends. Almost everyone keeps telling you how easy you got it and how hard it will get when there are plenty who prefer work over school. No longer all that double face crap I had to deal with, no longer the high school drama over meaningless stuff like what color the background of our class photo should be.
Thanks man your words mean a great deal to me. And yes, I suppose so. People always tell me that having to work is when things would really get difficult and not now, but I think I would prefer to do so due to the absence of usual high school dramas and whatnots.
It doesn’t matter if your’e starving in Africa , a beggar on the street, or someone on SP- pain is pain, the situation doesn’t change that.
You can vent as much as you like here, we all do it lol, It also shows others that they’re not alone.
And your’e not alone either, I definitely get not wanting to deal with people and my anxieties- It’s exhausting and hectic.
Thats true, here on SP we are different but yet dealing with seemingly similar issues, thats the entire purpose of the page- sharing our story
Dungeons right
You know, you don’t need to justify to feel bad. Yeah, there are a lot of people who are starving in africa. You can find an infinity of context which are worst than your. But you feel bad, and it’s your problem and you live with it, and you need to deal with it. I don’t think that you need to be selfish, but worry about you before others.
You probably think that peoples don’t understand, that they are so superficial. Why don’t they understand what you think/feel ? And you feel alone, even if there are people with you. Because they can’t understand ? You can really speek to them, because they will not understand. And it’s so demoralizing. Because we all have our own way of thinking, and it’s hard to others ton understand. And there are a lot of people who need so much to be “normal” that they can’t accept that others can be different. Think differently is not bad.
And if they can be happy, and accept their life, why is it so hard for you ?
Some people have easier life, or they have the look to. Bot no one really feel good. We all have problems. We are all in the same problems. Sometimes we are so obsessed by the fact that we feel bad that we can’t realized that there are a lot of peoples who feel exactly like you. Life is hard. Life is not just. But you don’t need to care about it, you need to continue. It’s sometimes hard to accept what you lived before, but whith the time you learn to override.
“not having the guts to end it all” : if you can’t, it’s because unconsciously you know that it is not really what you want. Because even if we are sad, even if life sucks, we want to live better. Things are going to be better, you just need to trust it. It take time but it work.
My words are so confused, sorry ^^
No hahah its slightly confusing but thats alright. Hopefully with more time things would be better for us all? On a sidenote have a great day