My son committed suicide after a long time of unbearable mental and emotional anguish. Suicide seemed like a great relief in his mind. A few weeks after he died, we found out that the doctor had been giving him the wrong medicine for all that time and the medicine is known to cause extreme torment of the kind he was feeling. If he had only had his medicine changed, he would have been fine and happy and smiling. His brother had his medicine changed, and now he is happy, though I myself am a resident living in a hospital because of what my son’s death […]
Tag:
Torment
I’m the kind of person that you would never expect to be suicidal. The kind that’s not afraid to admit to it if confronted about it. I walk around everyday with a smile on my face. I don’t like being comforted. I have unique problems that only I can deal with. I’ll just hold it in until I have some inevitable breakdown. I enjoy helping people with their issues, yet I will never discuss my own. I haven’t been beaten nor raped or molested. My name has never been slandered socially, but I suffer a much deeper pain… no, torment. One the is steadily progressing and is never going to […]
Look at these definitions of depression on slango  so true but they dont say how to get out. We already know this stuff. Why doesnt it say how to get out? Or why we have depression?
‣ A state of altered perception where one sees the world as bleak and dark.  Feelings and actions such as purposelessness, disinterest, low self esteem, [self-harm], pessimism, suicidal thoughts or tendencies and a lack of motivation or energy may accompany it. It is not simply the feeling of being sad, but is a lasting state of mind that could be caused by a number of factors. Many health problems lead […]
Wrapped in a catacomb, bound by my fears
Insanity knocks, as doomsday is near
I open the door, and let it walk in
To take me to ruins, to show me the end
Lucid at times, and fearing what’s next
But insanity reassures me, I’ll enjoy the big wreck
I’ll glow in the torment, that takes over my mind
And relish in darkness, that is so easy to find
I will walk in the pestialance, that grows oh so near
But will not feel the sickness, as I face my own fear
I glance at the shell, that once held my life
And I know now at […]
The round colorful combination is deadly
Tomorrow this will all be through.
Finally an end to my torment
They’d understand if only they knew
Raising the glass and I open my hand…
The thoughts of loved flash through my head
I drop the pills to the floor
It’d kill tomorrow if today I was dead.
Upstairs working on the computer
An electric shock as I look at the plug
The reaction is deadly assisted with water
rising my little brother  tackles me with a hug.
I sit back down grimace him a smile.
I can’t kill myself infront of my brother
He’d be dissappointed if he knew this is all he had for a sister
I could not bear his […]
My depression started when I was around 6 years old. Â It started when I was sexually abused by my cousin and his dad. At the time I didnt know what was wrong and what was right, how could I? I was just a little kid. All that ended when I was 13 years old. The sad part of my story with them is that their family is seen as the perfect family. All the kids in that family were well mannered, smart, went to good schools etc. I never told anyone what happened, because….. I didnt want to hurt my family, and I didnt know […]
As someone who’s survived 3 serious attempts I wish to say that I have no intention of making it through number four. I’ve finally arrived at the conclusion that I’m statistically supposed to be dead by now and it’s not something which makes me feel better. I’ve seen so much pain on my short tour here on Earth. Humanity does little to stoke my optimism, in fact it does the opposite. I’m a vet, I’m mentally unstable, I’m single, I’m unemployed for the fourth year running and I’m almost homeless (I already was for 3 years.) A close friend who I met while being homeless committed suicide via alcohol and prescription […]
I’m tired. That’s all, just tired – of everything. I’ve carried a diagnosis of depression for a long time, but I’ve always managed to keep going in spite of it. Not anymore. I’m just too tired. I don’t think many people understand what it means to be tired like this - it isn’t the ‘I need to take a nap or get a good night’s sleep’ kind of tired – no, this is a bone-deep, soul-weary, insidious form of torment, an uncertain affliction of indeterminate etiology and obfuscate symptomatology; a weariness that persists and will not abate.
I want it over. I don’t want ‘help’, I’ve […]
I’ve been reading over a lot of the stories and tales on this website.
So many of you I can relate to. I wish I could meet up
With some of you just to hang out and I guess realize that we are all in this suffering, torment, saddness, depression. Together. I would like to know If anyone agrees. Or just your general thoughts about this site.
Empty_Soul.
Just when i needed people the most, they all just stepped back.. at the same time nonetheless. I can’t fix this, and it really feels like everyone just expects me to snap out of it. My kids are keeping here, but the torture and torment inside my head has become almost constant. It would be very easy to just give in to the thoughts but i can’t help but fight it and that’s what makes it worse. If i let the paranoia take over, I just wouldn’t allow anyone around me. but there’s this part of me that yearns for understanding. Someone who will try […]
Here I am again. I don’t want to be here or anywhere else. I don’t want to keep going through this over and over and who fucking cares right… why should i. I can’t fucking take it anymore. The torment and the torture is back and I am alone again. So easy to help me yet… so hard for people to do.. Is it too much to ask? I don’t even know if this makes sense, b/c I am fucking crushed, sick, fuck who can blame anyone.. I’m tired of myself. I don’t want to stay. I don’t want to feel like […]
the Suicide
Death dwells in the shadow just at your shoulder. You invited it in, you dined with it, you bathed with it, you lay with death.
Consumed by and consuming, death becomes both a path and a destination for you.
You write a final letter, a final note, and gulp down a bottle of pills, hoping it will all be over soon…
And then…
You wait…
But not long for as you soon take you final step…
You call for help.
But wait, this makes no sense?
Why would you wish for death, plan for death, and attempt to kill yourself only to give up and try to save yourself in […]
To let go
The mass – now too great to endure
Arms weary and swollen
Thwarting the barrier’s fall since birth
Â
 Drained
limbs are lowered
Spirit broken
The partition falls
Â
One last turn . . .
One last time. . .
One final gaze. . .
Â
Leaving all that is good in the world behind
Stepping over the rubble of the once great wall
To the other side
Where the soil grows only indiscretion
And torment
Â
If only . . .
Another rootless soul wanders along . . .
Places limbs upon the wall . . .
Allowing a brief […]
Someone for a short period of time brought my soul back from the deeps of nothingness and I was able to feel again. Isn’t that suppose to be a good thing? I hate it! I wish that person would have never touch my sleeping soul if only to throw it away! I just want to crawl back into the nothingness and feeling less. But the probably is it hurts just like last time to crawl back in the water. Just like it hurt to crawl out. Why did you bother?! You brought me more pain than joy! Can’t I just be left alone?! I had […]
I thought I had beaten the bad thoughts, but apparently not. They’re back. Again… They’re back, they’re stronger than ever and I’m too tired to face them. I really wish people could know how many times I’ve fought this off…. How many times all I could think of was not waking up again. How many times I’ve drafted the same letter, trying to find the right words to explain to the people I love why I had to leave them. And each time, I get closer… The letter is now 11 pages long. It is placed in the right place to be found by the […]
White roses scatted over the frozen ground
Snow falling disguising the beauty
Silence in this small corner of the world
Peace at last
Laughing and racing through the purity
Anxious for the end
Reaching it she finally sees
And regrets immediately
There is no way to forget
Wishing to un-know
As the first flickers of pain
Burn her consciousness
Unable to stop moving
She sprints through this forest
Evergreen towers judge her from above
And the day slowly fades
Her ivory gown flaps dissonantly behind
Like the wings of a mangled sky-beast
Her breath comes rapidly
As the torment closes in
There is no way to escape
Wishing to un-know
I was sectioned into a room by myself. I was still wearing my bathrobe which they checked and found nothing Because i had been down this path before i had secretly stored some tablets in a secret compartment in my purse, when the attendees had left me alone at my unit. I knew how to get away with this. I wanted to use them to put me to sleep as i knew they would have prescribed half the medication dosage that i was used to.
This was not the first time i have been inside and spent days and nights in a psychiatric Hospital.
All […]
I sit here hating myself for being myself. I try everyday to live to be happy, but nothing ever works. The realization of the fact that the one person you love so much will never love you back torments me and leaves me unable to move. I pray for the torment to end.
He says I don’t try enough and he gets mad at me. But I know not what to do. I do what anyone deeply in love does when they are hurt by the one they love…I cry. I cry a river that turns into an ocean. My bloody tears mean nothing anymore because […]
i attempted offing myself about a 2 weeks ago….ive just been to damn ashamed to say anything….what is this….attempt 12…..13maybe?? i think ive gotten to the point where im just used to the failure. The pills only made me spaz thru the night. i kinda get a kick out of how cruel God is. it surprises me tht i can still have a relationship with God, no matter how one sided it is…..i begg and pray, and he just looks on. i swear my pain and eternal torment is his entertainment! Atleast Death holds me in the night. tho its not time for me to […]
Buried under self-inflicted fate, I spend a thousand silent nights awake/Falling into dreams of pain, waiting for the light of day, to wash away this burning sin/This torment searching for a new victim / Looking forward to the day I die, I never found a way to live/Turn back now, before it’s too late/Seething hate and leaking faith, hold me up before I break/A fragile heart and darkened mind, this is your time, this is your time/Follow the crumbs that I leave, leading to a black heaven/You know the way this story ends/Lift me up and start again/Waiting for the voice that fades, straining to […]