I have intentions to be productive for myself. I want to be helpful and do right, for myself and others. I like to impress and make people around me proud. I have a standard to live up to. My family expects my fullest respects, and endlessly utter my continuous responsibilities. My friends just expect me to be there. Usually I’m quiet, but if I’m around long enough most are bound to get a piece of my mind. After that I kind of just do what it takes to blend in. Even though I’m more than use to sticking out. The feeling is like: hope–To be […]
Tag:
Transition
I used to be suicidal too. But since 2 months ago, I have undergone a transition in my life. I am alive now. And I am really glad to share my experience to all of you who are in darkness right now.
This post is written with the sole hope to help you all, even just a bit.
Let me tell you what I did to live.
I write diary entries. Stupid, foolish entries. I wrote things which make me happy everyday. And some really useless stuffs also. “Today I drank coffee.” “Today I laughed.” “Today I am healthy.” “Today I played my favourite game.” ..etc. Trust me… […]
Well, I wasted another day, and when anticipating more of the same tomorrow, I decided tonight was good enough.
I am using ********, and I read where someone used an air line respirator. That sounded best to me, for the questions I had about my exhaling CO2 would not be relative with a sealed respirator.
I had previously attached all of the tank, hose, respirator, and was confident that the fitting were all air tight. On my 22 Cu Ft tank, the regulator has its typical two dials, and a shut-off valve near the connection of the hose for the head gear.
Put on the sealed […]
What a great site this is, it has given hope to me even though its been fleeting at times.
I think I’m finally at the end of the road, not by choice, yet I’m certain I have been backed into a corner for the last time.
I could packup and leave right know, yet where would I go ? I can only travel so far, to so many different places on the map, state to state far reachs of the US mainland, yet I have to use an ATM card to access my money every month which leaves a picture and a data trail as to […]
I was doing some reading on Bipolar II, and under the category of “Hypomanic Episodes”, one of the symptoms is “Unrealistic optimism”. I wish I hadn’t read that now. It makes me wonder that this optimism that I’ve held onto so tightly for the past few days now is unrealistic, this dream of finding a job and moving to California.
I don’t really feel like I’m in a “hypomanic episode”. I’ve been there before, I know what they feel like. I don’t have the increased energy or happy go lucky feeling or strange impulses. I’m still struggling every day to make myself get out of bed […]
We are all in the Hunger Games, the only difference is our names and faces
written by Crazypandachick
Sure we may not to be able to access to the weapons, or be forced to go and fight, but that doesn’t change the fact that we do. We viciously attack each other in many shapes and forms. Bullying, rape and assault are just some of the extreme ways that some people use to do this. The figures we look up to are the same. Sure they teach us all their good traits and beliefs and aren’t forcing children to kill each other, but it is like Paul says in the book All Quite on the Western Front; “They were suppose to be the ones […]
I’m 95% certain I’m gonna leave this world by my own hands
already tried to leave around last christmas .. I ingested some highly toxic substance (used to unblock sinks) hoping it’d damage my stomach .. all I did was throw up (2-3 times) and I lost the ability to taste for a week
this time, I’m going to hang myself
but for some reason, I keep postponing this even though I have no attachment to this world nor am afraid of what awaits me on the other side
(I believe death is “just” a transition between the physical world & other planes of reality)
I feel like if my […]
I just don’t understand people. It’s like everyone else got some guidebook to human behavior and my copy got lost in the mail. Maybe I’m a cynic, but god, it’s just easier to assume the worst of people than expect the best and end up disappointed. My closest friend is moving in a few months, to a city four hours away. I know I should spend the time with her now while she’s here, but I . . . can’t. Every time I talk to her I just end up lost somewhere between crying and absolute detachment. I’m treating her like she’s already gone; it’s […]
First I want to thank everyone for their replies to my 3 prior posts. Thank your for your time and concern, we are all loving, worthy beings who are joined by our pain and plight to regain our joy! This is part of a conversation I had with a dear friend of mine, who was also suicidal. I was explaining to him about an interview I had recently with an elderly gentleman who had been suicidal in his 50s. This is an excerpt of the conversation, but it makes so much sense, and it is true for all of us. The first part is just […]
I have been struggling with my inner demons and haunted by the ghosts of my past for most of my life, and I simply don’t know how much more I can possibly take. I’m just not strong enough to keep fighting off the darkness within that much longer, sometime sooner or later it’s going to engulf me… and I won’t survive. I have always had a certain proneness to being emotionally unstable but several years ago I had a severe psychological breakdown triggered in part, by my mum’s death. Before she passed away she repeatedly asked for me and I desperately wanted to be there for her, […]