stuck in a hole in south east asia, wanted by the authorities, hiding like a scared dog. truth be known, I’ve been hiding my entire life. severe depression since childhood, won’t get into the abuse i suffered but its has haunted me thru  my adult life. I crapped in my mess kit and now i have no way out other than death and frankly i don’t care any longer. Im only writing because its lonely as all hell here. I suppose dying is to be a private matter, but every step is agony and isolation. I believe the plastic bag and morphine is the way […]
Tag:
Truth
All my life I have put my friends before myself. All my life I have asked how they were doing. How they’re holding up. If they’re okay. If they need anyone to talk to. To have a shoulder to cry on. A rock to keep them in place. Someone to come to when they don’t know what to do or what to say. I have always been there. No matter what, I have always been there. I don’t judge, I don’t talk until everything they have to let out is said, I don’t even tell them what’s going on i my life because at those […]
I lost my darling angel Nicci. 6 months hasn’t healed a thing. I love you and miss you and want to die without you baby. Today would have been our 4 year anniversary, but you chose to leave me and cut me off. You never explained the truth to me. I just want you back sweetheart. I miss you so much and can’t live without you.
i have been feeling pretty good after me and my boyfriend got back together he made me feel so happy again and the happiest girl in the world, me and him was all that mattered to me. I got him back and only realized after he moved away this week that i was so dependent on him too make me happy, he is the only reason i want to get out of bed some days! he said he would come back after two months but lets not bull shit our self he is most likely going to stay with his parents alot longer then two […]
I didnt get how everyone could hate me.. but i kinda know now.. im starting to hate myself for not being perfect… i think its my fault… well im a mean person.. i have anger issues.. i yell sometimes.. i point out the truth.. i lie sometimes… and so much more.. so i guess it is my fault noone likes me or cares bout me…….. well u know u shouldnt be alive if u hate urself right????? Idfk anymore.. im just dont with all this shiz and i cant take it..
Rumors are such a terrible thing. Wether its something that is a result of Chinese whispers, or wether it’s done intentionally, I don’t know. Now i’m not someone who is bothered by rumors, because most of the time they’re things that have not even a single brush of truth and they actually are quite humoros when it comes to the stupidity.
But this last rumor really got me.
The rumor going round (at the only boys school which my boyfriend attends – I think boys are more gossipy than girls!) was that I only go out with my boyfriend because I wanted a boyfriend, not because I […]
For about four years now I have been living with this horrible cloud over my head. I am now 15. Most people would say ” why do you feel depressed? You have nothing to feel sad about!” Truth is, there is no one I have that I can turn to. My family wouldn’t understand, they are too worried about the little ones in the house. They have no love for this 15 year old girl who can barely put on a show for people every day. Thank you if you listened to what I have to say. I will post very soon, this week has […]
i am 15 nearly 16. people think im such a happy teenager, but they have no idea how wrong they are. i have depression, i have an eating disorder, i self harm and im suicidal. i dont have a bf and a lovely family but non of them know the truth. i tell them but they dont take me seriously they thing im lying or that ill be “fine” do you know how hard it is to be battling against life alone? feel like no one cares? no one is there? well thats me. i have cuts on my shoulder, stomach and my wrists. i […]
This is my very first post on here, and I want to tell you my story..
My name is Emily and I’m a Freshman at High School. Everything seems to be going good so far, It’s an all-girl school so we never judge each other and I’ve made many new friends. Although, it wasn’t always this good. Truth is, I can’t stand my family.. My mother is just that type of person that is hard to love, she’s stubborn and very bossy. My older sister isn’t much better. She’s the cause of all of my problems. From six grade, she would always call me names and […]
I hate living but I’m too afraid to die. I hate myself for it.
by HangedKiller
written by HangedKiller
Hi, I’m HangedKiller, and this is my story.
Obviously, HangedKiller is not my real name. I don’t know why I’m talking about this on the internet, but there’s something screaming inside of me.
I attempted suicide by hanging the summer of 2009.
Asian families have no room for your opinions or your dreams. I became accustomed to the ‘sit down and shut up’ routine.
Becoming used to being nothing is so horrible.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t live up to their expectations. No matter how much I lived for their ideals, it started falling apart in sophomore year of high school. I was a 4.0 student until then, and then depression hit […]
I’m 19 years old and ever since I can remember, I felt rejected. My father did not show any love. Instead, he decided to have multiple affairs and leave me and my mother every night to satisfy his sick needs. How can he choose random females over his family?! I can remember one day trying to be involved in one of my fathers and older sisters conversations..he looked at me and told me to get away. Not having that love and affection from my father sent me out seeking it. At 11 years old I invited these 2 boys over which were friends but i […]
It’s hailing.
My parents left, they took my little brother again.
Last night I relapsed and my left thigh looks like plaid.
I’m scared.
I can’t not talk to anyone. But, no one really knows me here…
two weeks ago, 10/04.. My dad and I got in a fight about me getting glasses…
He got mad because I should have gotten them when everybody else in the family did. When I pointed out the fact that he bragged about his 20/20 vision for years, and yet he JUST got glasses in June. He hit me.. twice. When I tried to runaway he chased me then shoved me…. I filed a DCFS […]
I’ve been checking this site out for a long, long time. I’ve led a miserable life, anytime I’ve gotten close to ending things I’ve always found a way out. Now, I’ve gotten to the point that I’m tired of trying to figure things out, I’m tired of the unexpected, and I’m tired of the self-destruction. I’ve always been able to hide any problems I’ve faced, issues I’ve dealt with, people around me seem to think I live a “perfect” life. If they only knew the truth, would they still be there?
I have it all planned out. I have letters written to those that mean the […]
I am 27. And I havent accomplished anything in all this time.
Two years ago I attempted to kill myself, and obviously I failed. I got caught and then I was forced to talk to people, who told me that life was worth living, that suicide wasn’t the answer, that I should try harder, that my life would have some purpose. Two years later, and its still the same. The thought of death haunts me more often.
I keep pretending I’m so happy and ok, but this mask is fading away and I cannot keep it up, the truth is that I am slipping away, the truth is […]
Suicide I Can Never Complete
My empty blue eyes can see no way out,
My soul keeps on screaming but no one can hear,
Life is my prison and I can’t break out,
But I try, and try, and try.
The brightest colors no longer exist,
Black and grey is all there’s left now,
You try to reach out,
But I’m too far away now.
Don’t say that I’m smart,
And don’t call me beautiful,
Even if you mean it,
I can’t tell the difference between truth and a lie.
I’ll drown in the tears I can no longer cry,
And I’ll swallow the pills I can never […]
hello. it has been so long since i have even been one here. since april actually. but i decided to come back on.
i feel done with life. im not living anymore. im just the walking dead, like a zombie. literally. i cant concentrate on anything. and ill probably be made to go to rehab soon because i couldnt stop smoking weed. well i dont really care. im planning on killing myself before that happens. i know for a fact that i can never be happy again. thats just never gonna happen. im just completely done. i dont even want to be around my best […]
I feel so unwanted on this earth. I just want to curl up and die most of the time. IÂ get so angry for no reason and everyone excepts me to do so well in my final exams. I am under so much pressure. People always talk about me or tell me I am not good enough. There is always some sort of rumour about me like ‘She has Bulimia’ ‘She is a slut’ ‘She is a fat whore’ Why target me? I just want to die. Most of you are probably like ‘She has nothing wrong in her life. People are well worse off […]
I just keep thinking about suicide. I don’t explicitly have a plan yet, but I have a general idea of what to do. I know we aren’t allowed to talk about this on the board, but even if we were, I’m not sure if I want my mind changed and I don’t want to be stopped. I told myself I’d give myself until I turned 30, but that seems overly generous now. I don’t know when, but I can’t see myself carrying on for that long. I’m not a human being. If I were, I’d feel loved and worthwhile. There would be a point to […]
A battle, a fight, another day. Every morning I wake up and the first thing I do is check to see if I still remember how to smile, I’m not sure when it happened but piece by piece my emotions were shattered and I slowly started faking them to get by.
I guess it did have a beginning. I once had a dream, a direction in which to aim for and look forward to, but it fell to pieces and went from being a realistic future to a childish night time fantasy. I tried to fix it, I tried to create a new dream, but every […]
Death.d truth is that.wen she left,i felt that death wld be my last resort.but guess what?i paid no visit to the reaper.i stand strong today.broke as i am.with a better girl in mind.