If I was real and told my new psychologist that I’m trying to get hold of enough heroin to od on, or my exit bagplan. I wonder if I told her I dream of diving off the m4 bridge would she offer some support? Or will I simply be locked up again? Should I be honest, can they really help me then?
I thought you were perfect. how could I have been so very wrong? I trusted you. you lost that trust when you touched me when you weren’t supposed to. I hold in this anger every day. you should have never touched me. I didn’t give you permission. you wouldn’t stop.. I can’t stop remembering the sun on your back.. I was too far away to scream. no one would have heard me.. I tried to push you off. I told you no. I begged you to stop. just STOP. but you got what you wanted in the end. you always got what you wanted.. I was […]
I honestly have no idea how to work this site, but truth is when I was little my dad tried to kill me and ended up in prison and beat my mom multiple times in front of me. Along with that I’ve been rejected my whole life because I’m quieter then other people. Then of course I fall in love being stupid and stuff so when that happened he was SO in love with another girl and never ceased to let me forget and left me inthe dust. So now I have anorexia, I cut, major depression, and have had suicide attempts. […]
I’m tired. Really really tired. I just realized something today. I’ve been struggling my whole life for what? Nothing I do can change the outcome of my life. All I can do is choose whether I want to make things more difficult for myself or not.
I haven’t seen my therapist in almost a month. I know I should contact her and I feel bad for not showing up. But, talking with her is painful. It reminds me of what things should be like and how I want things to be. But, that’s never going to happen for me.
I could go to school. I could suck […]
I know a girl. She always had two sides to her.
The Outside; She was pretty, happy, loving. She always put her friends first, did everything she could to help them, always had a smile and a hug set aside for anyone who needed it. She had hopes and dreams for a future, she had a loving boyfriend, who was dedicated to her. She always told the truth when it came to other people, even when she knew it would hurt. She always found the brighter side of everything. She had good grades, she had every talent, she was amazing.
The Inside: She hurt. She couldn’t cry, so she […]
here’s a sum up of me. I am: a *****, a wannabe, stupid, annoying, a loser, a twat, self centered, whiny, judgemental, biased, traitor, lier, ugly, unwanted, big headed, bitchy and over powering
I should be; dead
I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live either.
Maybe that’s not entirely true, sometimes I’d really like to die. Like the time I took twenty pills and stared up at the ceiling waiting for it all to be over. But something always pulls me back. Ten minutes into it, my little brother came in to comfort me. I had been upset after my mom had another one of her episodes and lashed out at me. He told me that she didn’t mean it and that he would be there for me. It was in that moment that I didn’t want to die […]
I see you look at me
The black and white of your eyes
You cannot truly see
It is all truth or lies
No in-between
There is no gray
Do you really know what I mean?
Each is a monochrome day
It’s all white or black
You live or you die
You can’t take it back
Why try?
It’s all the same
Who laughs and who cries
Who cares who left and who came
At least, in your checkerboard eyes
I must turn away now, for fear
Of you, of us, of me
I turn away from the mirror
I cannot see
I’m such a coward…
Everything’s in place for my death, and the only thing holding me back is my fear.
Fear of death, when it’s the only logical way to end all suffering.
Not just my suffering, but my family and friends’ as well.
Everyone’s better off without me, and that’s the truth.
So all I gotta do is jump…
and let gravity do the rest.
Fear is holding my feet to the ground.
You fucking coward…
Originally, I always thought that god loved me, and that other people loved me too. I thought that my lack of talents or good traits was just unlucky. But I dont think God loves me, or anyone else for that matter. Even my own mum, admitted that she thought that i am “Sick”. My parents are never going to be happy. Neither am I. It doesnt help that i have no talents or abilities or ethics, even the most basic instructions i find hard to understand. Im slow. Im dumb. Im weak. I have been called all these things by my parents. Theyre right of […]
By:EmoCookie
We look each other  in the eyes
you tell me you love me and that you
know me from the back of your
hands, but now that you are looking
in my eyes look more in and see
the real me. you may be scared at
first but keep looking at my eyes. My
pain may eat into your soul, but
KEEP looking into my eyes! You say
you love me, you say you know me
from the back of your hands. Well to tell
 you the truth you don’t […]
I’m new to this website. As I was reading through some posts, I realized that many people are troubled just like me, and most have probably hid it from the surfaces of their lives and instead wrote it on here, anonymously. All I can say is that I am truly sorry for each and every one of those people. I can’t say that I know how you feel because every situation is different.
I’ve kept my story in the closet for three years now. No one has ever known what I went through. I’m not entirely sure I’m ready to come to terms with it all and admit everything that went […]
See I say I would love to kill myself but the truth is that there are a few things I’m afraid of. One being I won’t be able to ever really ‘hug’ him in real life, considering I’ve never met him in person before. Another being no one will miss me. Of course I wouldn’t know anyways but it’s still a fear. The only reason I didn’t really kill myself (when I was going through worst times) was because I thought he’d miss me. Right now I’m not sure if he would..
The truth is that I don’t think I could ever really kill myself. I […]
You could blame me for your faults,you could hate me more than i,you cld tell your friends my problem,you cld hurt me all you want..the truth is that..I LL NEVER LEAVE MY WORLD ALONE..i will never give up on myself
Deafening echoes reverberate off the walls.
Walls painted black by years of neglect.
Walls forming a very small room.
With a floor made of long-lost dreams and aspirations.
No door.
No window.
No light.
Beautiful.
In the center of the room, I sit.
Unable to think clearly.
Why is it so loud?
I only need a moment of peace.
What I wouldn’t give for a moment of peace.
Unable to open my eyes, for fear of what I might see.
And when I finally muster the courage, I wish that I hadn’t.
Filth.
That’s all I see around me.
People living meaningless lives.
Blissfully ignorant.
Secure in their […]
I guess I’m just your entertainment
Cuz my posts tend to rhyme
So for today’s show, I’ll dive to the pavement
And blow my brains out at the same time
‘Wow Nick, nice poem’
Is that all you’ve got to say?
No ‘Go out there and show ’em’
Just ‘I could read this all day’
Well golly sir, thank you!
Your compliment just changed my mind
I was gonna hang myself, but thanks to you
IÂ think I’ll be just fine
‘Well you don’t have to be a jerk
We were just being nice’
Sorry, but it didn’t work
And can I give you some advice?
Just because somebody is expressive
In a […]
Hello! They say writing and sharing your experiences can be therapeutic, and in my case that is especially true. So, today I thought I’d take a moment to sit down and have a little chat with all of you.
My story really begins about 8-9 months ago. I was going through a rough time, I had just found out I have a lump in my spine. In the past years I have been diagnosed with:
Reynauds Disease
Fibromyalgia
Osteoporosis (in my neck)
Osteoarthritis (neck, again)
Heart Arrhythmia
Severe Insomnia […]
The only time I feel truly worthless anymore is when I can’t find the words to comfort someone who is suffering. When I see someone who is truly suffering, a beautiful soul who refuses to see the truth and they hurt themselves mentally and physically, it pains me. I hate myself and the English language for not providing the words and the wisdom to help them.
in every moment
there has always been
and will always be
you
never created and
never ending
you are my love
eternal
your beauty speaks
by countless stars
i hear them
i see you
far away and into time
my truth waits
not for me
but for you
~for marianna. my best friend, my love and my entire reason. she is that which beautiful dreams of becoming. she is the joy in my heart and the whisper in my breath. she is my everything…and why i am now nothing.
I remember being afraid just to tell people that I got sad at times. They don’t care. They don’t want to be bothered with any of that.
Then it became depression, suicidal thoughts. I didn’t tell a soul. I bit my tongue. I held it in.
It got worse. I Couldent even function.
I asked for help when all they wanted to hear was that I did all of this for attention.
That I cut and made sure to never let the skin be visible.
That I lost the will to live, all for attention.
Therapy. Meds. They give you meds that make you […]