Wow. I haven’t been writing for 3 months and now I’m back again. It’s funny cause I thought I was doing so well. Turns out, I’ve been lying to myself. Yes, people have it worse than me but does that mean my problems don’t matter? I’m about to start college soon after graduating early one whole year. The expectation of everyone is really weighing down on me. The stress of handling everything, every action that I take from now on is being carefully watched and judged. I’m trying to handle so many things in my life and I think I’m getting overwhelmed again. I know […]
Tag:
trying
I am a girl who is 19 years old. For years I have always contemplated suicide. I have physically harmed myself in many ways, including hitting my head against stuff, punching walls, and cutting up my hands. Recently, I have been thinking into deeper matters. Life usually is supposed to get better, right? Doesn’t occur in my case. Regardless of what goes on in my life, no matter how positive I am in all situations, nothing ever good happens. Yes I hear the whole it gets better speech, everything anybody can name and all the stuff from the books. I’ve heard personal experiences and all […]
“not enough” The message that’s been drove into me since a child, sometimes directly but mostly indirectly through culture and family. As a Christian why should I feel like I’m not enough? Because that’s all I know on this earth right now. I find myself discouraged, not enough drive, “not enough good grades, you’re a failure , your faith is not strong enough, your mind is twisted.” The messages clouding my mind, not irrational, for they are loud and clear coming from the family and pastors. Perhaps I’m just prideful when I come up with the idea that, “hey, maybe all this pressure and constant […]
Just spent a bunch of time writing this on mobile and forgot to save it and got an error, yay me.
Anyway, hi. I’ve been browsing this website on and off for the past year or so and decided to share my story today.
So I’m currently 18 years old, and I’ve been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts since about 9 or 10.
I’ve never really met or talked to my real father in any way, he left when I was 3 months old, I come from a relatively poor family
and my father never paid his child support, my mom rarely had a job and would constantly get […]
One of the things that piss me off the most is when people do drastic things for attention.
I hate when people say they have depression and that they’re depressed when they really mean sad. Like depression is a mental illness that you would have to be diagnosed with. You can’t go around telling people that you’re depressed and expect sympathy. I get that being sad can eventually turn into depression. You cannot just have it from one day to the next. If you were actually depressed, you wouldn’t tell anyone or make it public, because you know thay everyone will end up treating you […]
A month ago, I decided it was time for me to get some help, so I did. It was really hard for me to do but I did it anyway. I am now seeing a psychiatrist and I’m trying to get back on the right track. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, which I am taking medication for. Most days, I still feel like I just want to die but I’m trying to ignore those thoughts. Sometimes it works. I just want to be happy again. I know I won’t wake up and suddenly feel okay, which is why I’m still trying. I’m doing […]
I’ve been so focused on trying to be successful that I haven’t really been depressed as usual.Ever since my friend has came from jail he feels like I owe him.(long story)?The thing Is I’m a different person from a year ago.A year ago I was still lost,I didn’t know how to go on when my ex left me.Today,I just want to retire my mom & be successful.Its kinda Ironic that I’m In ?the life Insurance business but there’s times when I want to take my life.I cant kill myself now.Even after these past couple of months working 8 commission jobs & I have nothing […]
Why movies are better than reality ? Why movie is better than reality ? Why reality is boring ?
by niki
written by niki
Why movies are better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why movie is better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why reality is boring ?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality ( human’s fantasy is better than reality )
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, X-Men, Marvels & DC universe / movies , The Avengers , Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Naruto, Bleach, […]
I am trying so hard, so very hard to hold on. I’m only 16. People say your almost done hold on….? Almost done what? High school and move on to even more stress and pain. I’m trying so hard but I’m tired so very tired of trying.
I have recently been having some pretty intense nightmares, including waking dreams, which are the most horrific series of events, emotions, and imagery that persist after you wake up. The thing that makes these dreams so incredibly petrifying is the relief you would normally feel upon waking up is shattered by the persistence of the thing you fear the most appearing in reality. Sometimes they fizzle out quickly, alternatively there are times I lay in bed for over an hour trying to figure out my reality, it’s as if I completely dissociate from reality, and I am unable to distinguish things that clearly aren’t real […]
Now I am different
They have changed me
But I still hold that
There are too many people
I cannot bear them
They torment me with their jokes
Still the evil of noises
Is the beating of their hearts
Stop! Don`t move
Stop! Don`t move
I cannot, cannot bear it
Stop! Stop beating
Don`t you see? I`m not too lucky
Still you pump blood and
You grow in number
Coming over me in flocks
I cannot bear you
I`m trying to get rid of you
In my dreams I hear
The thunderings of your heartbeats
Stop! Don`t move
Stop! Don`t move
I cannot, cannot bear […]
Everyone around this fucking ***** sitting here thinking they know what’s best for me and trying to tell me how to live MY ducking life!! I just wanna get the fuck up and move as far away as I can and never fucking look back!! Tired of all the bull shit!!! Fuck this!!
This is my second post on here….when I say post, I mean not just making a comment on someone else’s account.
I promised a friend on Saturday, that I would take one day (today meaning Sunday) to really consider what I am doing. What I am planning to do, in hopes that I would find something within myself to hang on. He is a spiritual person, however I am not, at least not anymore and haven’t been in many years. However, it didn’t hurt for me to want to hold onto something, it didn’t hurt me to try. So with an open mind and heart, I […]
I look back over my life, such as one does, and can now understand the difficulties that I’ve had. Notwithstanding that I grew up in semi-severe isolation (refer other posts) I know now that I have a mental illness of some sort. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety but these, I believe, are side issues to a greater matter not yet diagnosed. I wonder if I am on the autistic spectrum? Maybe something else? I know that I do not have schizophrenia for example (no offense to those who have it) …. I just know that there is something more.
I live […]
Deter from the missionary target
Only because I’m running out of words
I’m not trying to go
Are you going to make sweet love, like the Moon
That I won’t wish, was mine
Vague and I don’t know what you’re saying
Are you going to do it, too, or what
Do what or do what
Are you going to do it, too
I wish that I were, a Mr. Mime
Blue Marvel, I called to you
Let me die or let me lose
Die, like the wind
Let me feel even if the cold
Because if then what are you waiting for
I’ll kept if I could
I’m an invalid, sick in bed every day with terrible pain. After surgeries and painful experiments, all the doctors can suggest is to take me off my painkillers and just see what happens, if anything. Which will help how, now? I can’t keep house, I can’t go out, I can’t make love. I can just lie here and weep. This illness has taken away my career, my house, most all of my friends, and my ability to enjoy most anything.
My mother has cancer and her chances aren’t good. I’m too ill to care for her, and even too ill to drive down to visit her. […]
Lately I’ve just been feeling like a shell of the person I used to be. After you’ve been talked down to by nearly all the people you look up to, all the people you called friends, and people that don’t even know you, it starts to weigh down on you. Back in 2010, I lost someone very close to me to suicide. I began my freshman year very lost. I let my grades slip and became extremely recluse. My social anxiety sky rocketed. Like, I couldn’t even ask the teacher questions. That continued all 4 years of high school. I failed nearly all of my […]
I came across this site while googling what would happen when taking too many hydroxyzine or seroquel. It’s funny because after several suicide attempts I still keep trying even though I can’t bring myself to keep trying at anything else. I continue to take too many pills every night in hopes that one of these nights it will kill me but so far I’ve had no such luck. I wish I was this motivated in other aspects of my life.
Hi everyone,
I signed up today because it is time that I seek support. I’m going through a lot of pain because of my past and present, and it is not going in the right direction. That is very hard for me to admit. Every day is a fight. I’m trying to be strong and build a life for myself, but I feel very alone and the hope and motivation is fading. I used to make friends easily, but this past year took all life out of me, and I’m now too tired to go out and meet people. My family never calls anymore, and I […]