I don’t deserve to be happy, because I don’t have enough experience to connect with others in proper way, without neurotic symptoms. I have lived in my own world too long. I thought I have managed it because I have found friends on college, and had very strong relationship with my boyfriend for 6 years. But I was breaking the rules: I used to push my boundaries, I’ve used magical thinking when I didn’t have time or intelligence to do things right (like I’ll be funny girl, although I used to isolate myself in school, I’ll be good student although I was losing all my […]
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trying
was looking up effective suicide methods and stumbled across your site. it’s hard to not really have people to talk with when i feel this way and most posters her seemed kind and smart so i thought i would register. really ptsd triggered today and that usually causes me to want to escape and that is really hard. i feel pretty abandoned by the universe at times like these. i try a hard as i can with my health challenges and ptsd and still things are a hot mess. have thryoid problems that are resisting treatment and i keep wondering if i just stopped taking […]
Hello everyone, I am a married father of two with a great job in which everyone treats me with the utmost respect.
But yet, every day I wake up miserable and I want out of this life I live.
At work, I get praise and adulation from my staff and superiors, even to the point where I may be looking at a promotion in the future as a branch manager for the company I work for.
At home, is where my life is a constant Hell…it seems like I can never do anything right for my family, and I screw up on a regular basis, bringing disappointment to […]
I feel that my life was mostly pointless because I could not live to the fullest at all because everything costs money, and people have to like you so your life is easier. So most of my childhood it was extremely lonely I had no friends and I got bullied everyday I think that pretty much tells me I had no place in this world cause I didn’t matter to anymore infact people wanted me gone. they didn’t care when I got hurt on the playground, when I got punched, when I threw up in class, I was so alone. When I was in the […]
You know that saying, in the end no one dies a virgin because life fucks us all? Well, why don’t we think of it this way, in the end, your not really that important to human life like thomas edison or albert einstein, we are just parasites clinging to the crest of the earth trying to live, and yet, we still try to be someone we’re not, we try to be one of those popular people even though we like nothing the other popular people like, we try to make our mark on the world even though we don’t even know how. So, think of […]
I don’t know if I’m more mad at him or myself for finally trusting so quickly. Being so naive. Every last bit of my insides are screaming at me. “You’re stupid! You shouldn’t have trusted another human being!”
The basis of what happened? I let this guy in. I met him here at college, confided in him. Showed him my scars. He kissed them. I thought he was growing to care for me. It happened. He got in my pants. He had his way with me and I wanted it too. I believed he would stay when it was all over.
He didn’t. I was damaged as […]
This is my second post. My first is a life story of sorts. But the basics you need to know before you read the rest of this are: 1. I’ve struggled with severe mental illness for over half my life, and I’m young. I’ve made five very serious suicide attempts and have been psychiatrically institutionalized 11 times. So, I’m a very experienced mental patient. 2. As ironic as it is, I work in an acute care mental health facility. Most of our patients are either suicidal or have just been medically cleared and sent to us after attempting suicide. So I guess you […]
Short one.
About 4 days ago I ate 20 castor seeds. I kept them down for about an hour to two hours so they should have been fully dissolved. I peuked and had bad diarreah for about a day then the throwing up went away. The liquid poops I still have. And I havent had a solid one since. I know that its supposed to take a few days but it seems like its not going to work. Any body have any experience trying with ricin/castor seeds?
The stomach doesnt dissolve it as were in another form. We dont have to go into that though because of […]
I’ve been trying to meditate recently to clear my mind of suicidal thoughts. I plan on doing it in the next six months. But, in the meantime, I’ve got to get some stuff in order. I don’t want to live the next few months planning out my suicide. I want to live well and try new things before I die. And hell, maybe, just maybe, one of those new things will lead to something that makes me want to live again?
So I read that meditation can help with suicidal or obsessive thoughts. I decided to try it out. But I just can’t do it. I […]
Hey guys,
Firstly, thank you all for being so awesome to me these last like 6 months. You have seriously been the best people and are always so encouraging and helpful and try to make me and everyone else feel better about whatever crappy situation has us bummed out.
Thank you to all who have donated money, shared my link to spread awareness, and/or offered encouragement. You guys are awesome, and I can’t thank you enough. I would hug you all if I could. You have restored my faith in humanity and proven that people can help one another in times of need. Amazing. Seriously gonna cry […]
I’m tired of being ignored, If I offed myself tommorow no one would care. Life would go on and I would be dead. My friend’s would grow up get jobs start family’s , while I would rot underground. But my soul already rots above ground. The pain of everyday is overwhelming. And more I think of my death. I hope it’ll come soon I want to be remembered though famous or infamous so I am no longer ignored. The one girl I love is trying to kill herself and I can’t save her. Because I’m in the background ignored.
So, I never thought i’d be trying to talk to people online for advise but here goes nothing… Iv’e been with many women trying to find that one girl and all of my relationships have never really lasted long because I just emotionally refuse to fully give myself to someone until my last relationship. I hope you won’t judge but my last relationship was online in an online game me and my friend used to play and I met this girl, she was really nice and I was getting in to her and I could feel she liked me and just when I was getting […]
At the suggestion of a few of you on here, I have set up a Go Fund Me campaign.
Here is the link to my fundraiser.
http://www.gofundme.com/youngwidow
Please share this link with anyone that you think might be willing to help. Even $5 is greatly appreciated.
Those of you who have read my posts and interacted with me on here probably know this about me already. I’m not the kind of person to ask for help. I’m the stubborn person who always tries to fix my problems all by myself. Maybe that’s why I’m in such a horrible situation right now. Perhaps the Universe is trying to […]
Technology can be fantastic for meeting new people, and sometimes you meet the right ones. I got to. I met the man I would’ve grown old with through a stupid website then through a dumb app designed for sending nudes and talking to strangers. I don’t understand why such a fantastic man was put into my life just to be taken out of it. Thanks to Technology, I had to find out he died from a message. Not a call, not in person the day he died. No, several months later when his mother finally found my contact information. I don’t know the date of […]
Well tomorrow is Tuesday and i have class for 13 hours. I have a quiz that I can’t study for but with the right thing i know I can ace it . Tomorrow, I will try to become independent but well see how that goes. I am trying to accept that my grades don’t really matter unless its general ed. I can’t wait to leave this school and go someplace I belong.
I can’t go on. I just spent the last hour trying to find something to bring me happiness to snap out of this and I can’t find any reason worth carrying on for. Everything I used to know is pretty much gone or changed. My stomach is killing me and I am numb. I look at dieing as almost a good way to be able to end this stress and pain that never goes away. It is sad, but true.
I’m trying to stay grounded, to not let this silly thing get to me, but I can’t. Writing is the only thing that is keeping me from hurting myself and even then I struggle to find my words. Everyone keeps telling me the same thing, that this guy was a douche or some other name, but I want to know why such a nice guy would say the cruelest thing to me the morning after such an amazing day. I was blind sided I thought things were going well he was sweet and never rude to me until this morning. I want to know what […]
No more tears and no more trying. Trying – what does that mean? – Trying to find a place to fit in, trying to find some peace – just a comfortable place in this life – not looking for perfection or paradise – just a comfortable place … it just doesn’t exist anymore! So why keep trying enough of the pain, enough of the hardship, enough of the harassment, threats and harm. Enough of trying.
I look back at my life and consider how did it come to this. I used to be okay, how did it change – bit by bit over 20 years – but, not now too much agony […]
I’ve posted a few times, explaining how I tried getting through this and how I’m coping. I’m trying to be positive and focus on the small, good things in order to get by. But sometimes I have to ask myself, why? Why am I doing this? My life has been shit. There’s no other way to describe it. It’s been an uphill struggle since day one. I keep pushing on, keeping trying to find that light… But why? What is the reason for it? In the hopes that something will finally click and things will be better/good? That maybe one day I’ll be like everyone […]
I feel…dead….I know thats my wish. Is to die…but i already feel dead. Im empty, broken, soul-less. I just feel alone and lost. Why do I even bother trying to get people to like me? Why do I event ry and fit in? To be normal? Im not. Im far from normal. Im a monster. First a monster to myself, but now I’ve let it free and it’s terrorizing those around me. My parents keep getting mad at me cause I “hide in my room all day” yeah, well thats cause I’m trying not to hurt anyone besides myself. So I lock myself in my […]