Today was the first day of my senior year, and I’m already having problems. Freshman and sophomore year were so rough for me, all cause of a stupid boy who ruined everything for me. As a result of our rocky breakup and all the drama that came with it, I started cutting. Then I started taking pills at night at first just anything for me to pass out, but that just progressed to taking as much as I can for a more lasting affect.. I was put on a 51/50 and stayed in a mental facility for 3 days. A few months after that I […]
I have a specific day in mind to perform the last task. It’s perfect really, and essentially the closest day I can do it all on my own. 18th birthday is perfect, And although its 9 months away, I’m determined I’ll do it. The ups and downs I have don’t fool me into hope, cause ive experienced life and what I’ve felt is enough to make a decision. So from now until then my posts will be full of bs. Thank you
I watched this movie today called gimmie shelter.the girl basically had a hard life crazy mother rich dad who didnt want her.but in the end she got her happy ending.i would say only in the movies but this was based off a true story.what i wonder is why cant i ever get things right.this girl probably still has worries and hardships but her life will still be better than mine. Cause she got the help she needed.im twenty one all i think about is suicide and its starting to seem like thats all i know.and that would be great except ive never made […]
It feels like the only way to get people to care is if your dead or in critical condition man I swear if I had a gun id blow myself away.i just got out out of the er for trying to kill myself twice in one day. They let me in the morning and by night time I was back and they let me go again.the reason im upset though is cause the psychiatrist said my problems are not considered a crisis. I dont usually speak up for myself but I wish I had told him to go fuck himself.i have put off suicide attempts […]
Sunrise a new day,
Night came and left,
Today’s the same way.
Nothing new,
It’s just like before.
Still want to die,
Everyday feel it more.
As each day goes by,
It becomes clearer to see.
Few give a fuck,
Who’s there for me?
Many good words,
People they say.
You have reason to live,
You have reason to stay.
But what they don’t know,
Is what they can’t see.
Until the day comes,
Maybe then cry over me.
It wasn’t until today ’til I realized the full truth of my procrastination and weakness. Another birthday, a year too long I’ve lived. Another birthday, a year I could have rid of myself. And now what, what can I do but be sad on this day.
I dont have have much extended family, but what I do have of them I talk to about once a year. My cousin was a firefighter in Denver for a while. He was in college doing a volunteer program. On a day stroll he spotted a man laying on a park bench, pour gasoline over himself, then lit himself on […]
– is being powerless. We know that nothing will ever change for some of us. We know the pain, whether physical, emotional or spiritual will become worse if nothing else. And here we are without the courage or the means to end what amounts to (at least for me) a useless existence.
Sure, a sea slug has some purpose but it lives without feeling or much thought. It sucks in the tiny organisms that sustain it until it can reproduce and eventually be consumed by something else. But isn’t it content in its purpose? Does it cry itself to sleep knowing the ultimate pain it will […]
Hello, my name is Chelsea.. I’m 12. My whole life I have been told I have a gift. That i was special and smart and the total opposite of average. It doesn’t matter anymore, i havent made an impact yet and other kids younger than me already have. Everything hs gone downhill since my parents divorced when I was 3. I’ve lived with my mom in a cheap apartment until a drunk driver + an 18-wheeler totaled our car in an accident. I turned 10, My mom quit her job to care for me, since she couldn’t drive to her job. We finally moved into […]
I’m not sick. I don’t have relationship/family issues. I’m not living in poverty. I’m not anyone’s subject of ridicule. I don’t have any important responsibilities (pets, children). Things are going well for me. I moved into a fantastic apartment last week after staying with my mum for 5 months (before that I was living with my girlfriend, but it didn’t work out). My job is mind numbing but pays really well, and the atmosphere is very relaxed. I should be studying right now (because I want a better job) but whenever I sit down to, I don’t.
I have lots of ideas for things I want […]
I was happy everyday I would be happy playing with my friends and family then things changed I went into care and I just felt so lost???? I didn’t know what to do I was in year 5 when I begun cutting it tore my family apart and they would check my arms for cuts they wouldn’t check my legs though in year 6 things became a lot better I was bullied for a while though in year 7 my depression took over I would cut until my arms and legs were red I smoked and did some drugs I didn’t know how to stop […]
I made it through the night,
Even though my ghosts were screaming at me and so was the baby.
Even though I listened to the voice inside rant and rave about all my flaws until sleep surrounded me.
Even though I cried until there was nothing left.
Even though my dreams brought misery instead of release.
Even though that knife sang to me a song of salvation.
Even though there was no one here to stop me if I’d tried.
Lately, I’ve felt no emotion. My mind had put a serious lockdown on any type of feeling or emotion that I had. I did what was necessary to get through the day. Well..that is until today. Today, one of my “friends” pissed me off beyond belief. Now, I can feel every emotion that has been bottled up for weeks. I am in a downward spiral and I can’t stop.
I know its wrong to want to hurt someone… But why do I feel so strongly about it? Every time I hear SHE’s with the man I love (my ex)…. I want nothing but to rip her eyes out and slice her throat…. I don’t know whats wrong with me…. I’ve never wanted to hurt someone up until now…
so i finally thought i overcame everything, but lately i felt the need to cut, i have cut out of desperation
i had an argument with a friend causing me and my partner to break up and causing her to break up with my friend,
things were said people where hurt and it hit me… i already felt dead inside… thoughts in my head “this is what you done, its your fault, your no good , everyone better of not knowing you” ect … so i went downstairs got a box of pills and took 24 paracetamols hoping id never wake up…
but here i am …. the […]
I’m walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind. Don’t get too close it’s dark inside, it’s where my demons hide: drink until they stop screaming your name. I’m down to my last drink, time to sell my things. Pack my bags and never look back. Run a parallel line with the railroad tracks. Make my getaway. How the hell did it end up like this? Why wasn’t I able to see the signs that I missed and try and turn the tables? I would stand in the wind, I was free like water flowing down under the warmth of the sun. […]
Believe it or not I am vacationing in Italy right now. I am visiting my parents (who have been here for the last year) and my mama and my self are in rome. I have been going through a custody battle for about the last year. My son is 5 years old and i had him for the first 3 1/2 years until i sent him to his dads to recover from my addiction and restore my mental health… then he decided not to send him back. (Granted his father wasnt a part of his life until then and moved clear across the country to […]
I have found my perfect method…insofar as any method can be perfect. No way of murdering yourself can be pretty…at the end of the day you’re leaving behind a slab of rotting meat for others to clear up and dispose of…but what can you do? Life is forcing my hand.
I’m 52, well past my prime, overweight, bipolar, on meds for many years, fucked up by them, now having to come off some because it’s that or diabetes. So I’m in withdrawal, and the depression is worse, I’m suicidal from morning till night, it’s practically all I think about.
Have lost all my passions over the last […]
the link missing until the end. may I enter the impenetrable.
Going, across of the world. we must prepare the house for hell.
the shaman is twoyoungmen. He is a god.
the religion of the dying faith. he has long hair, and the hands of god.
I wonder how oblivion must be so beautiful. To be.
open the seventh way. you are the god, I can see.
journeying to the cold. where has the light gone.
Clark Skyward. The solstice.
I’m stupid to think he would ACTUALLY want me….. WHY? Why does this always happen to me? I can’t even fucking CRY! He won’t talk to me, and he is with a new one. I warned her this time, because that f*cking b*tch is not worth her time. Not worth anyone’s time. He deserves to be alone. Sorry, but you don’t do this kinda crap to ANYONE. And I’m so tired of being used like this! I’m good until you get what you want and then you move on until you’re tired of them. Then where are you? Back to me because they won’t give […]