I overdosed last night. I thought that I would go peacefully in my sleep, but I woke up with stomach pains, a head ache, and I was vomiting. This all lasted a good three hours before the the worst of ended and I could go back to sleep. I wish that I didn’t wake up, but I know one thing if overdosing is like that I am not going to do it again. I just cannot find the strength to continue, I want to sit in bed all day and sleep. I just do not understand the point of life, we fight to live so […]
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How can one person feel so much pain? Â Why is it that others can be at peace, but some of us are afflicted with this never-ending turmoil? All I feel for all these decades is pain, so much pain. Â When will the pain and suffering end??
Been over a week since my last poem so thought it was time to do a new one.
Once again, inspired by a conversation I’d had with another SP member, and once again one that I think needs to be built on – still feels a little unfinished to me.
Like always, the poem is beneath the audio.
I Get It
When I read the news and see the tales of all the people that were brave enough to muster the strength it takes to pay their dues, take flight, let go and say their last goodnight,
I feel hypocritically sad for them, I feel that they shouldn’t have.
Well, where do I start? …
It’s complicated, I don’t even know how the things got this way…
First of all, what is nihilism?.Nihilism (from the latin nihil, nothing) is an ideology, a rational way of thinking and interpreting the cosmic reality.It’s not a belief or anything like that, nihilism is based in scientific evidences and phylosophy.Science has evolved a lot, and it’s evolving even faster lately.The mysteries are but puzzles, but almost all the pieces are now found and placed, allowing us to better understand the universe that surrounds us.Cosmology, biology, quantum physics, showing us how did the universe begin and how it works, […]
I was told once, before we’re born we choose to come into this life. Told the possibilities of life are endless, you can do anything you put your mind to. Why is it that life contradicts that very statement. From a young age were forced to see the realities of what this life really is. A place where judgement of others is more important than judgement of one’s self. Where the rich strive and prosper and the poor struggle. Where the only peace you can find is in the bottom of a bottle. Or with a complete stranger, it seems the closest to you have […]
Withdrawn.
Yeah I’m high, and this probably makes no sense, but whatever.
Let g represent what I want, my goal, where I want to be in the future.
Let a_1, a_2,…a_n be the steps required to reach g.
The nature of g implies that failure at any point a_i results in returning to a_1.
Let x be the amount of pain I feel when failure occurs such that x @ a_i > x @ a_i – 1.
Let y be the amount of happiness I feel, such that y @ a_i > z @ a_i – 1
i.e. the closer to the goal the more happiness/pain that […]
Dreams, a reason why we all work hard to conquer then,to live them.there is always a stage in our life when we let go of our dreams and our aspiration and that point of time we all lie to our ownself that maybe it was not in our destiny or maybe someting better is planned for us. Thats where we lose control over our fate…after this phase is over we all pamper our self make up stuff to satiate our pinching mind which makes us realise that we had done wrong…after all this will be over we again dream but this time its in our […]
people say we will never recover but i have and im strong now and always will be so people i believe that everyone can be happy and get out of this dark side of us i believe in everyone of you people im always going to be here for you all
And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
And God saw the light and told us it was good;
And most of us believed Him.
But some of us did not; some of us could not dance and frolic and sacrifice our sons in His name,
Because it didn’t make any sense.
So God told his followers that we are evil;
And there was hatred in the world.
And those of us who dwelt in darkness were cast out, mocked, tormented and beaten. And God made large stone & steel buildings where we were to be taken and fed drugs to make us stop being […]
So I haven’t really been on lately, because of family issues so I got my laptop taken away and such. Well, I did this thing on instagram where it was a contest for the best recovery poem and I didn’t win *tears*. But here’s the poem I wrote for the contest. Hope you like it. (By the way, it got weird and turned from 1st person to 3rd. So I don’t really know what happened there .-.)
My tears fill the empty hole in the floor, As I say to myself – please no more. The blade lay silent on the bed, rusted and my blood […]
Everyone has been told or at the very least heard the expression,”The world does not revolve around you.” What a concept.
It’s been documented that bipolar can bring out hallucinations during mania where individuals think they are God. I experienced a taste of this. When you consider that you are the only person in control of your thoughts, actions and memory, you cannot begin what it is like to be someone else. All you know is what you see and experience.
We are essentially in our own little world’s. Not one person can take over our perception of what happens through life. All there is to […]
Does what I will describe ever happened or is happening to you?
At first of my depression, I was of course sad, hopeless, and in great pain. But as the years go, I keep those feel but it’s becoming more and more twisted. I feel this anger growing and I feel like in those moments I really am dangerous. I’m not a bad person but I can’t stand any more of the injustices, of people like us living one foot in the grave while other people have it all easy and painless. Laughing doesn’t feel sincere, it’s always with a part of bitterness. I can’t feel […]
The word ‘MoM’ doesn’t only mean the person who held me nine months but let me say ‘ my doctor, my teacher , my best friend and of course my soul. Mommy if you could just see my heart , i will show you the love I have for you and your name ‘Khadijah’ craved in my heart.
I do believe in love from first sight? Do you know why mommy?! It is because since I was born and opened my eyes I saw you and loved you .Years past […]
Around last year, 7th grade, I started feeling depressed for no reason. I was crying every day and getting suicidal thoughts. My mother got me tested and we found out I have depression. I have switched medicines I think 3 times now. Lately I have stopped taking my medicine and I have been feeling better, but tonight I fell asleep or something and woke up with my internet pulled up with “can I overdose on celexa” in the search bar. I started crying. I still haven’t stopped. I thought about it and I’m actually thinking about what it would be like if I did kill […]
My mother was only 16 when she had me, she lived in England, in a place called Bath. She was walking home one day and was raped, she then got pregnant with my sister Fable and me. She moved to America, Killeen, Texas. My mom then was addicted to drugs. She raised us till we were 2, she then gave up us for adoption. My now mother adopted us when we were 4. She was abusive and she moved around so much. By the time we were 7, we had already lived in all the states except Alaska and Hawaii. My sister had been in […]
Visions I’ve been dreaming are coming down. They’re changing my future.
Visions I had buried underground. Returning to abuse us.
Hi
this is my first comment and …
I wanna to write sth which a great mathematician has said:”maybe I must stay and decay in this silence tower with the Vultures which are eating my soul and body.” John Nash
I’m kind of partial to old movies, especially Film Noir and B-horror/Sci Fi from the 40’s and 50’s. On the 9th of December Kirk Douglas will turn 98 fucking years old (if he lives that long). I hear he’s a damned lecher and a womanizer – in fact as I recall just a year or so ago he was accused of sexual assault. You would think someone with as much money, fame and fortune as he has could at least keep his shit behind closed doors – I mean (and not to be crude or crass) he could buy any elite hooker on the planet […]
I think that there are bad times and good times. There has to be us sad loser folks to show the giddy happy people how they DON’T want to be. Light and darkness. We are the dark people, and we are meant to see darkness. We are the martyrs who are cursed to show everyone else how blessed they are. People never learn by education alone. They have to be shown. We don’t ever know what we have until it’s gone. Dark things happen to everyone, but you know the ones that are destined to darkness. They are the ones that don’t make it, so they can show the lighted people […]