Does what I will describe ever happened or is happening to you?
At first of my depression, I was of course sad, hopeless, and in great pain. But as the years go, I keep those feel but it’s becoming more and more twisted. I feel this anger growing and I feel like in those moments I really am dangerous. I’m not a bad person but I can’t stand any more of the injustices, of people like us living one foot in the grave while other people have it all easy and painless. Laughing doesn’t feel sincere, it’s always with a part of bitterness. I can’t feel happy for my friends when they have nice things anymore. I’m often told that I shouldn’t be such a negative person well fuck that I’m not. I’m realistic. I feel angry at everyone cause they don’t understand I wish everybody would live like us just for a year and maybe after we will be seen as warriors, not “whining pussies/faggots/teen”. Gosh I hate them. I’m such a nice person, always devoted, caring, and I will always be there for the people I love, but on the other hand I’m this angry monster that would just want to battle this goddamn bullshit of life. The only thing I would need is to be with someone I love and not having the life taking it always from me when I get close to get it. I don’t want to die, I want to share love. But I prefer to be dead than living 70-90 years like this.
6 comments
“it’s all relative.”
An overly positive (read: “unrealistic”) person, will see your realism as “negative,” because it is less positive than their unrealistically over-positive position.
So they’ll tell you “stop being so negative” (which itself IS negative…), but they are wrong (and somewhat hypocritical as well).
“it’s all relative.”
An overly positive (read: “unrealistic”) person, will see your realism as “negative,” because it is less positive than their unrealistically over-positive position.
So they’ll tell you “stop being so negative” (which itself IS negative…), but they are wrong (and somewhat hypocritical as well).
Hey Clevername, it’s me Snake, the “meta conspiracy guy” lol, hey, I have something I’d like to discuss with you but I can’t talk about it here because of the rules of this forum. Could you send me you’re email address?
This is not a suicide pact, so it’s not anything that can get either of us banned. I’ve got another idea though, something to fight for. Peaceful activism. Pro choice suicide rights. If you can give me you’re email I’d like to discuss this idea with you.
Jombo, I hear you, and your anger. I’ve lived those 70 years, and it has gotten better. It takes time to let the anger out in small pieces, like the air let out slowly from a balloon. They will never understand. We, on this website, do. Life hurts and that hurt becomes all-consuming, impossible to bear.
I wish I could tell you how to survive it, but I can’t. I still don’t know how I did completely. When you get to the place, however, where you can help someone else like us, it does help, gives your life meaning.
Yes, “seen as warriors” if they lived like us for a while. What a great way to put it. I feel very similar to you. I watch as all my (not really) friends go forward in life while I stand here stagnant wondering if today I’ll really go through with my plans. One foot in the grave. That about sums up a lot of our lives, doesn’t it?