I’m Not Looking For Sympathy….I’m Looking For Help!

My mother was only 16 when she had me, she lived in England, in a place called Bath. She was walking home one day and was raped, she then got pregnant with my sister Fable and me. She moved to America, Killeen, Texas. My mom then was addicted to drugs. She raised us till we were 2, she then gave up us for adoption. My now mother adopted us when we were 4. She was abusive and she moved around so much. By the time we were 7, we had already lived in  all the states except Alaska and Hawaii. My sister had been in an accident involving her, the woods of Oregon and apparently a very hungry wolf.  My “mother” hates me, shes even told me so herself. She had abused me since I was little, it has gotten worse since then. I am NEVER allowed to leave the house, I do cyber school, but she blocked everything but the k12 log in and I manged to get this unblocked. My situation might not seem that bad, but you would be surprised. My mom is very sick, she thinks the guys she brings home will like her more if she ties me to my bed and lets them do whatever they want. Sometimes she gets “guests” that pay her to do that to me; very few have a fantasy of me being on drugs making it okay, so half the time I’m on a lot of drugs. Then I get addicted and she lets me go through withdraw then does it all over again.  She always blames me for my sisters death, and shows me picture of her after the incident to make me cry. I have scars, some from her, some from me. I have drank bleach, slit my wrists 3 times and choked my self. She refuses to let me die just so she has something fun to do at home. Just recently I have been diagnosed with Acute Leukemia and my mother refuses to see that I get treatment. The only reason she would even consider me being put into a hospital is to keep me around to beat on. My mom also doesn’t want me to die because she feels that if I do, my body will be found and she will be caught. So to keep me healthy, she sends my blood to the hospital once a year(that’s how I know my diagnosis) so she knows if “I’m really  sick  she can lock me away to die”. Thankfully she may send me to a hospital, but she also may go and do the at-home treatment too. I would get help, but only two websites available and the closest neighbor is who knows how far away. When we moved here, she had me tied down and blind folded until we were at out new house to “make sure I didn’t know where my grave would be” She says the only reason she took of the blind fold before we got into the house was so that I could see the thick forest we lived in and the lack of any houses and our road was a trail and driveway a clearing. We live in a small, single floored house, my room is the basement, it’s cement and all I have is 3 outfits. She had super glued 100s of lamented pictures of my sister only after the accident when you could see all the blood and all of it, to the walls. I’ve already tried to take them down, no such luck. The computer is in the living room so my mother will always know what I’m doing, she leaves for about 2 hours every day to go to “work.” I have made 2 accounts on this site, this one, and another one that I always sign in to when she comes home, that says nothing bad at all, no posts to be exact; she asks and I just say I like to read them. I hope she lets me go to a hospital, I don’t even care if I have to do at-home treatment, I just want the pain to stop, it’s the worst pain that I have felt in my entire life and I just want it to go away. WISH ME LUCK!