I remember last December 26. My grandfather’s birthday is the 27th, so we were driving down to Pittsburgh to see him. I was texting this girl I liked, when out of the blue, she told me that our middle school art teacher’s wife had just found him hanging in his art studio. I immediately got my mom to turn around the car and go home. A year later, I still can’t believe he’s gone. He was the most wonderful man I ever had the privilege to know. I remember how, on the first day of class each year, he would do magic tricks for us. […]
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used
Is this all my life will be: broken dreams, loneliness, pain and fear. I once had such high hopes, now I’m an embarrassment, I’m worthless trash.
All I want is to hold you, to love you, to protect you, it’s all Angela, my angel. You screwed me, you used me, now I’ve fallen apart, if only I’d known you’d do that, but I was caught up in love. Feel broken, death now awaits, do you even care, your life was all that mattered. You treated me like you were ashamed of me, you were ashamed, that’s clear, such damaged you caused me, such a worthless […]
i write this to you as the only means of getting in touch with you. i would like you to know that i saw your posts, and that your words, caring and concern for a depressed, lonley, old man, touched me deeply. yes, it was my plan, and i was determined to carry it out. as is usually the case, the universe stepped in with a bunch of annoying distractions that prevented the follow through. i did end up in the cold for about two hours. i went to our towns christmas parade with my ex-wife. it was difficult because of my social anxiety,but pushed […]
When my parents, friends or random people ask me about my day, all I’ll do is say “It was fine.”
It wasn’t.
Not a day passes that I don’t feel useless, hateful and sad. Not a single day.
My days are never ‘fine’. They’re far from it.
I spend every single day of mine, hurting myself and wishing it would end. It doesn’t, but wanting it is the only thing I still have strength for.
Every single day I would come home from school, throw up that little piece of beagle I ate instead of my breakfast, go to my room and lock the doors.
Every day I would take my […]
How heavy is your depression? Anybody else have that incessant ache in their neck & shoulders from the weight?
Breaking Bad episode 402 – Thirty-Eight Snub, right at the end Jessie Pinkman, [Aaron Paul] turns up the volume, & sits down in front of the speaker… & while he is struggling to hold it all in, he briefly rubs his neck…
I’ve had the pain so long that I had forgotten that I even used to do that. I had long since stopped because it never helped to relieve any pain or aching. It made me wonder though… Someone else must know that same ache.
Lately I have been thinking, I am not the person I used to be. The fact that I can’t get it out of my head makes me so fucking sad. I think back at the person I used to be and now that things have changed… Many, many things have changed. It makes me so mad and depressed about it. It sucks too because I just want to not think about it. But they won’t leave. I can’t think of any way to stop thinking than to just “stop existing.” Because why else should I even be here, if I am just going to keep […]
religious nuts. thats what i said to him when i saw some preechers on the streets. im 17. i used to be mildly religious, i used to pray and be conscious of my sins, then at 13 my innocents was robbed ironicaly my cross pendant that i wore permenantly broke in the process, i kept the truth to myself but it slowly ate away at me, destroying any faith i had, leading me down a dark hole of depression. then i met sam again, after 3 years of just saying hey down the corridoor. he caught site of my scars and fresh cuts, he opened […]
i suffered from social anxiety and major depression since i was a about 14 years old i was too afraid of people so i drop out of school and all i used to do is stay at home all day playing video games i was to afraid to go out my house i felt like people were always watching me, talking about me and making fun of me. also with my depression i was always in pain, so i had no friends, no girlfriends after so many years of pain i tried drugs, i started smoking weed for about 6 months but it only made […]
Last year I was hospitalized and then I went to a residential treatment facility to be treated for an extreme depressive episode. I remember self-admitting to the behavioral health unit. I was so out of place. I had never had an experience like that. I’ve never used drugs, and in my group therapy sessions I saw first hand how much pain addiction caused.
It’s been a year since I was released. I’ve visited with a therapist, and I’m still seeing my psychiatrist.
After all of this, my thoughts of suicide are creeping back in. I read a story about two teenage girls who killed themselves, and one […]
I call her M&M. Because those are her initials.
She used to be one of my bestfriends.
Her dad went all manic and went crazy on her family and got sent to a mental hospital.
Then she got crazy.
It was like, She was a complete different person. She’s 13 right now and She has probably had sex with 30+ highschoolers at my school.
None of the highschoolers like her for her. and she knows that but she still lets them do whatever.
She got super suicidal before all this happened.
Then she tried to overdose.
and then she slit her wrists.
Then she went […]
2 months before my 18th birthday i developed a horrendous condition called tinnitus, which is ringing in the ears or head. At first, although it was very bad, it didn’t cause me any issues, but it did never stop or go away. as the weeks went on my anxiety began to build, i couldn’t sleep and i was in a constant state of unprecedented despair. eventually the inevitable happened, i developed depression and life became unbearable. i couldn’t concentrate in school, dreaded and avoided social situations (including my 18th birthday) and could not stand anybody. But to cut a long story short i overcame this […]
Let me introduce myself first. My name is Drew. I’m 22 years old and am currently in the Air Force. I am a very outspoken, loving person and it’s very easy for me to make new friends. But my problem is this: I don’t want to be just another blip on the radar of life… I don’t want my entire being to amount to nothing. My dad is a perfect example of this… He used to be a fun, happy man until he lost his job and his wife (my mother) several years ago. Now he is consumed with hate and regret. He has never […]
I don’t know how to. How do you just spill out the contents of a bottle that has been filling up for the past few years? The nightmare I’ve been so afraid of, is finally here.
It won’t be easy to pour out everything. I’ve gotten so used to storing this within me, it’s part of my life already. Oh how I wish I could tell you. But I don’t know how to. I suck. I really do. I am sorry.
I guess I don’t really know why I don’t have any friends, because I’ve told myself the same thing over and over again so that I believe that, instead of what’s probably true. I never tried to figure it out because it would be pointless, as I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I started posting here simply so that I could finally say what I needed to. I’ve always told myself I don’t want friends. I do. It hurts to admit it, but I do. I used to have friends, but for the past few months, I just stopped. I didn’t want my problems […]
If you sit in a room … a dark room . No technology … nothing but black painted walls and you by yourself . You have time to think , to reflect on every little thing . As you listen to music ( for those music lovers ) it takes you to a totally different world . As if all that matters is you and what you are thinking about . It lets you escape into your own world . Everyone says you should try to nove forward … to move forward from those who hurt you , from the things that has happened in […]
I think I am going to do it this week. I won’t say how but too be honest i have tried everything to fix myself and nothing works. The woman I love so dearly has given up on me and our friendship because I can’t stop seeing another woman that gives me nothing, it’s all my fault and I feel as though I’m drowning every day. My uni work is piling and piling and piling and regardless that I graduate in a few months time it’s not enough to keep me going.
I never used to be depressed. I was so happy at one stage in […]
I honestly don’t know what to do. Everything’s slowly coming apart at the seams. I’m falling behind in all of my classes and hardly paying attention to my parents. I’m unattractive and most of the people that I hang out with just think of me as really annoying. I bet there’s a line of people waiting to try and kill me. Hell, I’ve even stopped reading books as much as i used to. And it’s not just that I feel unmotivated. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I suppose that’s what it’s like when you live your whole life doing what people tell […]
My name is Jammy, I used to write a lot, i used to read a lot, i used to draw, paint and climb everything i looked, I also used to pull my hair, crash my head against the wall or fight my siblings when i was mad, and all nights i used to cry until i felt asleep, Mom couldn’t look at me when she came tired from work so she used to send me to the backyard at nights, first I was scared (just as every kid would) but then I start it to like, i enjoyed it being there but that wasn’t normal […]
I am used to winning. I am used to getting what I want through hard work and determination.
However, my life is a failure.
I’m pretty sure that I will never work my dream job. My grades from 4 years ago are so shitty that I will never be able to get over them.
Every friend I have every made has moved on with thier life.
i still live with my parents.
There is no happiness in my life. All i want to do is be able to work hard so that I can achieve my dreams. But it seems like that is impossible now.
Should I end it. Or should […]
I’ve always struggled with depression, and thoughts of suicide. Not sure why, just can’t seem to shake this ball of acid in my chest -. Anger/misery/disappointment. The focus sometimes dwindles but never entirely cuts off. and every time it comes back it gets more intense. Just under a month ago my best friend killed himself. We used to talk a lot about these feelings (we both shared). He obviously had enough of it all though. I just feel so fucking alone. I’ve wept every day since I found out. On top of this I’m experiencing severe body pains, my legs seem to be gradually failing […]