I’m not sure if I really want to die.
I think about it. Killing myself, I mean. It’s not healthy. I know that, but I still do it. I hurt myself, even though the logical part of me says, “Stop!”. That part of me tells me to get help, to talk to someone. But, the other parts of me, the scared, lonely, and tired parts of me, they say not to. That it’s better that they don’t know.
I don’t want to hurt the people I care about by showing them all the messed up screws in me.
I don’t want them to see all […]
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want
A few days ago I wrote an update. I wrote about how much better I was doing. How much happier I was…
Why is it that one little thing can cause me to go spiralling back into what I was before? I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to be that person again. I don’t want to lose any more friends. I don’t want to live every day in pain. I just want to be me.
My parents split up almost two years ago. Some would say that alone is traumatising, but I was surprisingly okay with it. It was for the best at the […]
Hello, this is Justin. I have been reading something’s here and there. I haven’t posted cause I don’t know what to say or how to say it. I found a couple different comments from people asking about me and looking for an update. Well I am alive. What happened was I didn’t go through with it. I called the police myself and they came over. The fire department took me to the hospital. I was there for a couple weeks. I have been out just over a month. I am trying. And that’s about it. I don’t want to get too deep into it all, […]
So very alone. So very sick.
I’m running out of hope, and maybe that’s not the worst thing.
I’m sitting on my couch, in my underwear, after binging on food. I’m still binging on food. I feel disgusting and overwhelmed, surrounded by the grime of my house, a house I’m unable to care for no matter what I do.
I don’t know if it’s right for me to write here. What if I trigger someone to go through with their own suicide? It’s difficult to stop obsessively caring.
I don’t know if I can stay alive much longer. I don’t know if it’s right for me to. Some people […]
1. Try to fit in. If successful, hooray. Skip the rest of this manual and have a wonderful damned life.
2. If you don’t fit in, try harder.
3. If you come to the realization that you can’t fit in, that you are flawed or damaged, or even more astutely if you realize that the world itself is flawed and damaged beyond your ability to tolerate it, then pull up a seat and read the rest of this manual.
4. Convince yourself that you are the problem. This certainly won’t fix anything, nor will it make your life any more bearable, but it may distract you enough to […]
I’ve recently been told that I could possibly have bipolar disorder. I looked it up, and it sounds similar to what I experience. This isn’t the first time I’ve been told that I have some sort of depression, I’ve heard friends talk about me or even tell me to my face that I should get it checked out. I always try to look my best and happiest when I’m around others but sometimes it apparently either looks too fake and they know something is wrong or they just catch me off guard. I have mood swings, but I’m 17! I thought that was normal. […]
Basically I am in a bad situation. I don’t have anybody around for any kind of a support system and I don’t want to call some hotline. I am dealing with depression, abuse, and suicidal thoughts quite often and I am stuck alone. Most of the time I’m not allowed to leave the house because I’ve supposedly  done something wrong. I don’t think I’ll be ending my life anytime soon but I might end up giving in if my situation doesn’t change. Anyone have any advice?
My father completed suicide a few days ago. Â No one ever saw it coming–he was a religious man, a bachelors in Theology and an ordained minister. Â He was terminally ill and getting worse and worse by the day. Â He did not want to be put into a nursing home or die in a hospital. Â He died at home in his own bed. Â He was only 60 but his quality of life was so poor I don’t blame him for doing it. Â He is so much better off, in no pain now and free from his need of oxygen to live. Â Â I am sorry […]
there’s this girl I stayed up all extra late to talk her actually I met her on here… after awhile she gave me a reason to not want to kill myself anymore… then we started to have feelings for each other..at least that’s what I thought..a couple of I love yous and good conversations later I get a bad feeling that something isn’t right turns out she had a boyfriend all along I was just some extra conversation..then I almost lost my mom I lost my job and im out of reasons to keep going.. guess this is goodbye
I am so done
I’m falling, I’m sinning, and I’m scared as crap to repent
because it means facing my sins and making the same promise I keep making and I don’t know why i cant keep my promise to my Heavenly Father
I always plan on killing myself, on hurting myself, and i just want the pain to go away
I just want everything to be okay, just for one day so I can figure out how I can get everything under control in my life.
The only good thing in my life right now is my wonderful girlfriend.
But when my own family […]
i didn’t want to wake up. i was having a much better time asleep. and that’s really sad. it was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. i woke up into a nightmare.
My back hits the door
My body sliding down to the floor
As I listen for the nightly fight.
The yells, the screams make me want to leave
Leave forever, never to return
Life gone forevermore.
The razors, the pills
They whisper to help,
to help relieve me from this pain and loneliness;
It’s only the matter of which and when.
im a religious girl i believe in God but right about now my life is not so easy my dads away and he was the only person that i felt good with i only see him once a year and i rarely talk to him on the phone my mom… my mom is harsh on me and i understand why but i just can’t take it anymore im sixteen but she treats me like im three i have no social life outside of school and social medias my friends and she’s so mean when ever she has a problem with someone else or something im […]
Since i was young i have felt a sense of belonging. I was the Football star even went to college of it. Was in the military and served in crazy places, then I was a Police officer. Now i cant see what the next step is. is it possoble that you can feel accomplished like HERO or that you have done everything. Now i feel like the world is getting smaller that verybody is covered in Bullshit or waiting for a pat on the back and thats the only reason they try. what if your back is covered with hands and you want them all […]
some days i’m okay but other days like today i’m not. i’m trapped in my thoughts thinking about this baby that never took a breath. at times i find myself literally sitting up staring at the wall. what could i have done to possibly warrant this event.
sometimes i think maybe its for the best. she could’ve grown up to be the worst human ever
other times i think its my fault. whoever took her away thinks i cant handle the task of raising her right. maybe i was in over my head. maybe i wasnt ready. i couldnt do it.
i’d rather suffer trying and be constantly […]
I hate this boring, bored reality / real life / real world, I hate this life, this LIMITED world, and I hate people/humans ..!!
by niki
written by niki
Movies, books, video games, novels, comics, anime/manga, etc etc, basically human’s IMAGINATIONS is a hundred times FAR much more interesting than this very LIMITING reality / real-world / real-life here in this world!
and what’s even worse is that most (about 90%) of humans / people I meet & know everyday are mostly stupid, shallow, superficial, mundane/boring, money and profits and image driven only, ignorant,.. mostly human beings especially today these days are much more bad & hopeless ..!!
(there are -thankfully/luckily?- only FEW humans/people that I like, eg: the very creative/imaginative & ‘other-worldly’ artists who created/made all those awesome fantasy, sci-fi stories, novels, books, […]
It’s been 3 years since i last made a post on here about my depression. Let’s just say I’m the happiest I’ve really ever been. I coped with my depression by exercising and being healthy, doing so I lost 20 pounds in the process which I am happy about. When year 10 of school started I decided I would try something risky and I did. I tried out for the foreign exchange program to go overseas. With the risky decision I succeeded and am now going to Germany in July. And this is all because I found a way to cope with my depression and […]
1. I cut, but I cut on my stomach so there is barely any chance anyone will find out. I was wondering why some people cut their arms/wrists?
2. I’ve read on here that many people have been going through depression for a long time, if not most of their lives. HOW IN THE WORLD DO YOU TAKE IT?? I lost my faith in April of last year and became depressed in July, so it’s really only been about 9 months I think? And I severely want to die. I just want to know how you’ve managed to […]
Visions I’ve been dreaming are coming down, they’re changing my future. Visions I had buried underground returning to abuse me. I’m getting worse, I can’t sleep. I thought that the feeling was gone, but it’s getting stronger. And I miss him, I miss him so much. I’m missing him like never before. But still, can’t be with him, can’t tell him, can’t dream about it. It hurts, like hell. I just want to be okay. I just, want to.
Whether you want to be buried, cremated or idk, what would you like your ideal funeral to be like? (Assuming you’d want one)
For me, it’d be small and intimate. I’ve told my family one million times, I’d much rather be cremated. I think it’s cheaper and more environmentally-friendly. No viewing, in my opinion, would be necessary. Just remember  me the way I was. Nothing fancy.
Ideally, I’d like my ashes to be thrown into some body of water–which one? I really don’t care.
How about for you all?