This is my first post on this site though I have read many stories that I relate to deeply. I have had depression since pre-pubescent years and suicidal ideation since fourth grade. A feeling of worthlessness has always presided over my life; I have never been able to fit in and because of that it only reinforces the fact that I don’t belong here. After many attempts to free myself from this world, I am composing a final plan to sever the silver chorde. Before you say that I need to seek help, let me assure you that I decided to seek help for years […]
want
Why is it that every damn time I try to escape all the fuckin memories and flashbacks they come on harder?… Why is it that the more I try to feel the more numb I become?.. These are answers I will NEVER have.. So why does My mind want to constantly fuckin trap me in this twisted fuckin bull shit with no escape?.. None but the one that EVERYONE considers “wrong” .. I have so much anger!!!!!!!!!
I just can’t do life anymore. I need help, I want to die. I don’t want to be on earth anymore. Im so scared though. I don’t know what to do. someone, please
Things haven’t been going well at all…
I just float through life, trying to hold on to something.. seemingly anything there is to try and hold on to. I don’t want to be alone..alone in my life, in how I feel, in how I think and in how I see things from my perspective. I’m not done with this life yet, I don’t want to die like this..
From my wife leaving me, and never even sending so much as a hello via….? Nothing! ..to the sudden realization of mental illness….to constantly losing my job..never being good enough..to being right out used and brutally attacked…and the permanent […]
I sold everything I own and gave every last dime to US immigration services for them to process my paper work. Every last dime and I a still stuck in Jamaica. I did some things I am not proud of to get that paperwork going. Some really unclean things. Oh lord I wish I could wash my hands of those things. But I can’t. Stained. Scared. I really want to fly out but can’t afford that $250 ticket. The man that petitioned for me, he and I had a falling out. I hope he doesn’t go to immigration and get my green card revoked. Cause […]
I hate it when people argue about me. No matter where I go, people argue about me being alright. I admit that I’m not, but I can’t tell anyone that. I don’t want to bother them. My problems, rather my opinions never really mattered to anyone. I know others might say otherwise, but in reality as humans we refuse to accept others opinions rather than our own. No matter how good-natured you claim to be or how open-minded you are, the fact that an idea, a thought different or similar to yours, stirs up negative emotions, whether you admit or not. That hole in your […]
I’m an upper middle class perfectionist who has it all together on the outside. If anyone knew how much I hated myself I’m sure they’d be surprised. No, I’m not popular or the prettiest girl in school but I’m not an outcast, I’ve got a good friend group, I make straight A’s, I’m on the soccer team and track team, and I drive a nice car. But lots of little things put together have had me on a downward spiral for a while now. I suffer from severe depression. I have wanted to die. I have thought a lot about killing myself. I just want to die. […]
Where do I start?? I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. No really as far back as I can recall I have never really been happy. I guess I could clue you in on all the bs that has led me here. But really it’s a story you’ve heard before. Maybe not all from the same person but pieced together from multiple people like some sort of f@$#!d up jigsaw puzzle. I’m obviously thinking about death (particularly mine). Otherwise I wouldn’t be here. I don’t have any friends. There is really only one person (in the flesh) who is here for me. […]
Yeah. Silly silly me. Why give away your trust so easily every single time? You trust people so easily. Is this what you want? Every single time, to be hurt by people. Is this the life you want, the life you’re willing to live. Steel your heart and conceal. You are not worth their time. Lies. Lies. Lies.
Shut up you incompetent fool. You are a worthless piece of shit. No one will give a duck about you. Stop trying to mix with humans. You do not belong here. Leave. Be like a ghost. Yeah.
Yeah. Yep. That would be the last straw. Disappear from this reality. […]
When I get up from being down I always try to get a new start. Make myself different like a new man. I try to get a new start to erase my mistakes. The next day everyone sees me, notices me. This kills me since I just want people to forget me. Remembering me is remembering my failures. So now instead of a new me people see a new failure to be made. How can I hold my head up high when every can see my flaws? A reason I would hate to die is because before I’m forgotten everyone would bring up the worst […]
I am having such trouble at school that I come home crying. I started high school. My friend doesn’t go there, she goes to a different school. I moved so I got zoned for another school. The people in my grade already has their friends, and cliques and I am just left out. My only close friend that I have doesn’t even talk to me as much as we did last year. I have like 1 or 2 people I hang out with at school but I don’t think that they even want to be friends with me. They make plans without me, hangout without […]
It’s harmless right. I’m not bothering anyone. I wish I was dead. Life is a ****ing joke! This is so stupid, I am so stupid, life is so stupid. I have known for many years how I would die. By my own hand, hanging from a tree in Letchworth, with the tips of my toes lightly brushing the snow topped forest floor. No one will find me until spring when the hikers break, hunters aren’t allowed in the state park. I have always loved that place, it’s so spiritual. I just keep thinking of my body being defiled by him. I am just left in […]
Sometimes I wonder what the point of all of this is? When those thoughts start running through my mind I can’t help but wonder what it would be like if I ended it all. However, I don’t want to hurt the small amount of people that actually care about me which is why I haven’t and probably wont ever do it. It’s still depressing to have all of these thoughts. I really wish I didn’t. On some level I feel guilty and I feel like maybe I’m taking everything for granted. Compared to others my life is pretty normal I suppose. At least now it […]
It’s been a while since I have been here 1 year. I deleted my other posts to start fresh.
I tried to be happy until up about a month ago. I tried to be positive. I ended up right back where I started and I don’t want to relapse. But it’s so hard. I feel worthless. Sometimes I think to myself is life worth living? But then again I’m just sad and I need to stop. But I can’t. These thoughts over run my mind. I just don’t know anymore.
wow, there’s nothing quite like failing spectacularly at finding a job to make one want to off oneself. there’s nothing quite like becoming a pathetic free-loader for almost a year, desperate and hopeless.
my life is going nowhere.why continue?
Nobody seems to understand what I’m feeling, even if someone know what I’m fighting. I’m desperately searching for someone in which I can confide. I want to talk about my feelings ’cause they’re too heavy for only one person. I feel stupid when I try to talk with someone about all I’m thinking.
I feel like a fool. Sometimes insane.
I’m so afraid of everything. I don’t want to be alone in this, but it’s so complicated and I feel like it would never end. I want to finish this story, this black long chapter of my life. It’s me that I’m really fighting?
I want someone which […]
So as you can see you already know what i’m about to talk about, yeah i might be young but sex as a different meaning for me the more the half of the other my age younger or older, yes i’m a virgin but it’s really sad seeing sex just becoming what its becoming today as weird as it may seems sex is a gift, i see i as a gift, a gift to your husband and wife and it’s kinda the reason why i want to stay a virgin till marriage (lol if i’m not dead ) but yeah i always tough of sex […]
I want a mom, a mom who cares for me a mom who loves me, i just need support from her, caring and loving that’s all i want. Someone who can just sit around tell me how much there proud of me, someone who looks at me like i was worth something, someone who believes and me and that don’t trow me away like a piece of shit over school grades… Mom what did i ever did to you, i’m sorry i was born, i’m so sorry, i know you regrets it, you’ve told me so many times, i see it, i know it, Mom […]
Some people think life is so easy.. so easy to take.. to live.. life is so fucking easy when you are speaking your own language… but what if I can’t hear it? What if I can’t see it?
Think positive?
Thinking positive isn’t the same as what some would think… A positive notion to me would be if I just so happened to not wake up tomorrow. It’s not that I can’t make my life better (which I probably can’t) it’s that I don’t want life. I hate life. People can’t understand that, and I’m so confused as to why everyone isn’t born with […]
I had a few people asking me what i had or if i was okay i always pull the “oh nothing just tired” or “i’m okay” but it’s all lie, lies and more lies i’m not okay, i’m not tired or anything like that i’m not fine at all, i’m sad, i want to die, and i feel worthless, i’m not tired i just cried for 2 hour straight, i’m trying to fight my demons but i’m failing hard really hard, “aren’t you hot under this sweater” i always respond “no i’m fine” haha more lies, no i’m not fine, i’m burning under this […]