People always say that “happiness is a choice”. Well, guess what? For some people, it isn’t. How do you find happiness in the breaking of a heart, in the sound of your own parents telling you to never see them again? To hear over and over again how you failed, and no matter how hard you try to think of something good, the only thing that comes to mind is that you’ll be dying soon. It’s not like there isn’t any happiness. There is. It’s just not enough to win compared to all the disasters and failures we have to face. Being happy isn’t a […]
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wanted
I don’t know but it’s some place I didn’t ever imagine I’d be. I always felt like I got dealt a shit hand in life and that no matter what I did nothing good would come my way. I half ass tried and dragged ass through life aimlessly, I couldn’t even be bothered to care about myself. I guess I never truly felt loved or wanted so maybe on a subconscious level I felt I didn’t deserve to feel that for myself. I cared and loved in all the wrong ways for all the wrong people. I got hurt so bad that it felt like […]
Tonight is going to be hard. I stayed the past two nights at my moms best friends house who is considered my “Aunt” so I call her my aunt and her brother and sister in law came over for the first time in years along with both their sons. Me and her nephew, Brandon used to have a this thing together not a relationship but just a closeness and I haven’t seen him in 3 years. I had 24 hour with him and those 24 hours are going to effect me for the rest of the week and maybe even more. He is the first […]
I’m so sick of not being able to go through with it! I can’t stand this pain anymore. I’m going insane and if and when I manage to get pain meds I’m not responsible. I just don’t want to feel anything. But that doesn’t last long and most of the month I’m left with nothing and screaming my head off! No one will help me. Government won’t help me, doctors won’t help me, E.R. won’t help me. I have legitimate reasons to have pain meds. I was born this way, I didn’t do it to myself. I just want to die!
I have nothing and no […]
June 27, 2015 at 6:15 AM
From: Kathryn Marie Hunter (Me)
To: Rick and Maggie Hunter (My parents)
This letter may come as a surprise to you, but I assure that it was a long time coming. Before this past week, I didn’t have the support to do this, but now I’m surrounded by people willing to help. This isn’t to upset you, but rather to give you a rude awakening.
The Katy you know is not the real one. The real me has hidden from you since 3rd grade, and has stayed in hiding until now. You have not noticed this, as you believe fallacies, and deny the […]
I absorb negative emotions so quickly and frequently. I don’t even have any reason to be upset at life. I’m just physically drained all the time.
I remember back in high school and earlier, I was always bright and full of life etc, but HS just ruined me. That’s not to say I had a rough time through it, I’m an average dude, had friends and did okay on subjects. But I was always invested in the idea of having a partner. Having someone to love and care for. And that want has slowly been stripped back piece by piece and I just don’t even try […]
I get told quite often that I’m a humble man. I’m only 20, but maybe this rings true to my personality. Why though? I think it’s because of all the shit that’s been thrown at me for as far back as I can remember. All the bullying, all the death and loss, all the yelling. I always wanted it to go away, to end and never once start up again. A futile request…I know.
But I think that is what has made me humble. Because I can’t care anymore. No matter how much I try to muster up an ounce of fucks to give about […]
These past few months have been hell, i moved out from my dads place after having my baby to live with my mom hoping things would be better with her and they were for a year. Until she and i got into a fight, over my boyfriend. She was right, i was a prick but things were never the same after that, we fought a lot. Up until the point where she started demanding rent, got a job but i wasnt able to.keep it because of my anxiety amd depression. My mistake. Fast foward, she called the police on me after my sister (18), and […]
It was around 7 years ago I tried to end it all, I was a single mum and couldn’t cope anymore. I was lucky as my parents would have my daughter over night once every two weeks so I could go out. I loved to go out and drink and drink until I felt numb, I abused myself and my body I let men use me for sex. One night though I’d just had enough I couldn’t do it anymore I couldn’t live with myself for what I was doing i was drinking everyday I never ate I smoked weed aswell. People started judging me […]
He has no idea he hurt me
He will never know he abused me
Tore my soul wide open
I hold onto the pain
Like a terrible broken treasure
It’s mine
Only mine
You’re stronger than me
Now we know
You get your way
Now I know
Are you proud?
It wasn’t my first
But I will never forget
The night you thought I was playing
The night you fought for my love
Took the “love” you wanted
I keep the clothes to never forget
The night that zipper broke
My reminder to never trust a guy
Now no one will know
Not even you.
I don’t know what’s going on with me. I’ve been avoiding everyone and one person that’s the hardest to avoid is my boyfriend since he lives 1000+ miles away and looks forward to talking to me everyday. Last night I told him everything that was wrong since I’ve been pushing him away for a few days and he wouldn’t let me get away with it. I told him about my excessive drinking, my smoking cigarettes again (I broke my promise to him), me taking pills, cutting myself and not eating. He tried helping me he was so frustrated and just wanted to do what he […]
I wanted to say hi to all of you and wanted you to know that you are the most understanding people I know, and I’m grateful that you people exist and this website exists as well.
I also want to say that I’m definitely not here to encourage people or discuss methods or anything alike. I just want to be part of this community to share our feelings/experiences together. Together we will feel less lonely I believe.
I have been reading SP every now and then for the last 4 years, as the idea of suicide has been with me for that amount of time. My anxiety/depression […]
I feel like the only time I can be myself is when I comment on watpad and even then I feel like I’m not really wanted I’m like the 3rd wheel just like with my family never really wanted just delt with. I just someone to fight for me but
am I worth fighting for ?
This year has probably been the worst year of my life.
I have suffered from anxiety since i was little, and i dont remember a time without it.
however, disregarding that, i feel like no matter how much i try to be happy, happiness turns against me, or life or the universe.
the beginning of this year was great, i had great friends, a loving boy friend, a loving family.
then after coming back from a (what i though was a) perfect holiday with my then boyfriend in june everything just turnt to crap, it has been a downward spiral.
My grandad fell ill and […]
I posted this as a comment, but I just wanted to share it with others who might not read it.
I am still alive because of my curiosity. My life is shit right now, but it has to get better sometime, right? I just always tell myself that. It can’t always be like this. I wasn’t made to live this miserably forever. There’s no way. So my curiosity is, “I wonder when life is going to have that magical turning point for me. I wonder what’s going to be that turning point. What’s going to make me the ridiculously happy person I dream of being?”
So my advice to […]
I’m not exactly sure what to write here. I don’t want to beg for attention or anything, I just want to get my feelings off my chest but I don’t want anyone who knows me to know how I feel. I’m afraid they would panic.
So for several reasons I don’t care to speak about, I’ve recently decided that I wish I could disappear. Or at least that’s what I thought. But as I started to think, I realized if I killed myself, or even if I just up and disappeared, I could possibly hurt some people around me. That’s not something I want at all.
Instead, […]
Am I the only one to contemplate suicide based on philosophical considerations?
written by ThePhilosopher
Compared to some of the stories of unspeakable suffering on this site mine may seem almost frivolous at first glance but I assure you it is not frivolous to me.
I was born with a brain that seems tailor-made for science and philosophy. As a boy of 11 I acquired books about physics, cosmology and philosophy. I can’t say that I understood everything at that age (I am not a genius) but I understood quite a bit, certainly enough to get me hooked for life.
I was especially fascinated by questions about the origin of it all (Why is there anything at all and not nothing?) and […]
Hello to whoever is reading this,
Two years ago I posted a suicide note on this website with the sincere belief that I would be dead within a week of posting it. But, I guess things don’t always go as planned. The day I planned on doing it, I realized that I couldn’t do it. Whether it was me being too weak, too scared or just too depressed to even follow through with my last plan, I just didn’t end up dead.
I don’t know what stopped me, but I am thankful for it. 2 years later, my life has turned around.
Now don’t get me wrong, I […]
I’m so tired of being me, of being myself and not being able to get away from this monster. I want to change everything about myself, i want to become a new person, a better person. But no matter how hard i try everything gets ruined again, and i have no energy left to try anymore. I just want to end everything but i know i cant and that makes things so much harder. I just wanted to get that out somewhere as i have no one to tell… I’m so ready to give up.
I was born with bad health and I’ve gone to doctors all my life, but they refuse to help me for long. All of the health conditions I have conflict with each other too much. My main are Interstitial Cystitis, Shy Bladder Syndrome, Type 1 Diabetes, Gastrointestinal, Heart condition (my main blood artery was blocked so I didn’t get the proper blood flow)… I’m in excruciating pain and it’s gotten worse in the last 3 years. I finally managed to get pain killers, but on March of this year this clinic has been fighting me. 3 times I was forced to go cold turkey and […]