Feelings Are Meh

I absorb negative emotions so quickly and frequently. I don’t even have any reason to be upset at life. I’m just physically drained all the time.

I remember back in high school and earlier, I was always bright and full of life etc, but HS just ruined me. That’s not to say I had a rough time through it, I’m an average dude, had friends and did okay on subjects. But I was always invested in the idea of having a partner. Having someone to love and care for. And that want has slowly been stripped back piece by piece and I just don’t even try anymore.

I use to go out of my way to make people happy and find someone to share my life with (even if the relationship were only brief) but now I just can’t be bothered. Attempt after failed attempt, it’s become a cycle of bringing my walls down only to be punched through the chest and walked out on.

And I understand that you can’t change people’s opinions. If they don’t feel for you then fine move on. But don’t spend your time investing a fucking interest in me only to fuck off a few days later. Especially if I have admitted how hard it is for me to open my heart up to someone.

Anyway. Just wanted to write this because despite my shitty experiences, I met someone the other day who is genuinely a fun person. We joke around a lot. And there’s no signs of interest at the moment which is good cause then we can be friends instead of falling out. But she’s very cute and I wouldn’t mind getting to spend proper time with her. I guess what I want to say is, I hope this doesn’t get fucked up