I heard some cockamamy stuff about how we are babies in heaven, and pick our parents. NO WAY! I was born in 1957 of an adulturous union between my 16 yo mother, and my married 26 year old father. She tried to “mold” me into perfection to make up for her mistake. When I was 19 months old she married a man 26 years her seniir, who she discoveredto be a pedophile BEFORE she married him. Fill in the blank. Fortunately, he died when I was 10. When I was 15 she finally married dear old pop. Then over the course of the next 7 […]
Tag:
wanted
I’ve been suicidal before I’ve wanted to hurt myself before, but I’ve never had images, visions, of hurting myself like i have recently. Its getting brutal, what’s going on with me. I could be doing anything playing with my sister having a fag drinking tea and ill just want to grab knife and just want to stab myself repeatedly legs chest everywhere, surely this isn’t normal? I mean I’ve been suicidal for years I’ve never experienced anything like this?
Hey SP friends, just wanted to wish you all a good day (or night, wherever you are).
I don’t do this usually, but I’m feeling a bit better today, and I hope some of you are too.
hey im new .
im emily and im always feeling lonly and i did stop cutting cuz it wont do nothing . I have so much feelings bottled up in me and i dont knoe who to tell bc mostly people dont really care but i found this site . My voice well be heared and thats all i really wanted so if u need help or anything im here for u and everyone else . So i guess go follow me on instagram @emily.guilbert .
Bye .
Yet another day I am woken early. Why this time? I don’t have a friggin clue! No kids to watch, no food to watch, no doors to be left unlocked & I dont need to go anywhere. Not that I can cos the only key I have is the garage door remote & they stopped working & cannot be moved manually.
So here I am, finally having a good sleep, when my friend wakes me up, to inform me that they are leaving. I dont remember agreeing to go anywhere today, & the kids are dressed & not playing xbox & she has a key to […]
What else can I say? I was clinging to the hope of things getting better last week. Then I got it. Right between the eyes. I’ve had a good run at my job that lasted over ten years – great relationships with the past three CEO’s and then the one bad ape the has wanted the job forever but just couldn’t slither her way in finally got her foot in the door right when her best friend was still board chair. Three people staged a coup and forced the current boss out and slipped the ***** in. I’ve know for several years by the questions […]
Death surrounds me
with peaceful quiet.
Death opens it’s arms to me
in it’s dark embrace
I can feel my soul becoming undone.
Death walks beside me
Tempting me to come to him
with promise of forever
He tells me
I can qwiet your thoughts
for all eternity,
I can take the suffering away
And give you release.
I can stop the endless path of despair
which you walk upon
To feel nothing
To be quiet
To be Peacful
Theses are what i have wanted […]
I’m deeply sorry to those I have hurt. I hope that someday you’ll forgive me.
i’ve wanted to be an artist since i was 14. make animations, draw comics, create illustrations, whatever, my mind has been set on that goal from the moment i realized that that’s what i wanted to do for the rest of my life.
the problem is, my art sucks.
at first that didn’t bother me much. i mean, i just started, of course i suck. i’m still young, i’ll get better, i just have to keep practicing.
and for 2 or 3 years, that’s what i did. i looked for resources online, asked my parents to put me in an art course, started keeping a sketchbook. really wanted to get […]
This is how it usually is.
My mind is whirling; an endless buzzing that steadily grows louder.
Yet when I try to talk to someone, when I try to express or explain what’s going on inside
I freeze up.
I blank out.
All I feel like I can manage to say is “I don’t know”
Just like now.
I want to get out the parasitic thoughts but when I put my fingers to this keyboard I can’t get anything to come out.
And as I reread this to myself I can’t help but laugh because of how artificial the words appear.
That they don’t do justice […]
I was made in this world, by unfairness… i lived my life in internats and thus life live practically with a hunched back, and now as a 31 year old with no actual friends, no girlfriend (i gave up there) (though i have a ex i dont want to talk about and shes not the reason for this but more of a final straw in a sense that made me really get bad physically after she broke up with me because i wouldnt have sex with her like a monkey but wanted to take things slow, im also a virgin, yes at my 31st and […]
Well if you read my last post about 2 months ago, you will know what I was worrying about happening in my life with my girlfriend and college. September 5 th. My girlfriend was in her dorm alone and wanted to do something on a Friday night so she went over to a friend of a friends apartment. She made brownies and watched a movie with this guy. At the time she was completely ignoring me, so I did what probably. any college kid would do. Get drunk. I had drank way more than I should have and ended up climbing over the railing of […]
I decided to break my silence and apologize to my ex-Boyfriend for being such an overwhelming ***** to him on the day of our breakup. He told me that it’s okay, that he knows I have a mental condition. Mind you, he’s not basing this on anything other than his disdain for me. I was like whatever, though. He isn’t the first to assume I had something wrong with me, so I decided I wouldn’t let it ruin my time with him.
He began to tell me about some app — something that let’s you create an anime thing of yourself. Y’know, he would harp on […]
I’m failing college, and therefore wasting both time and money. I’m eighteen and existentially distressed, so how my parents think I know what I want to do in life and how they think that I can put on a happy face and go to college is beyond me. I have no one to consider what I should do with my life with. My parents say “college.” There’s simply no other option.
I don’t know what I want to do in life, to be honest. I’ve had ideas, but they all never worked out. I thought I might want to learn programming, but it’s boring, and boredom […]
I found this site last night when I was in a bad state. I haven’t been suicidal since I was 19 and am now 22, but came here looking for a supportive voice because even though I’ve escaped my battles I still feel the after effects (details in my earlier post). After reading some posts I’m concerned. Remember I have been there and I know how it is. I am being very honest and my comments on how to go, how to not go, motivation and survival preparation are towards the end.
Suicide:
1. If you want to kill yourself that is your choice. Please keep in mind though, death […]
I’ve always wanted to fall un conscience hopefully my body will just get too weak
This morning I woke up with a different mentality. I don’t know why, something just clicked inside my head. I don’t want to die. I still have things to do. People to meet. People to help. People to love. And I don’t want to miss out on that. Not now, anyway.
I’m not guaranteeing that I won’t ever end it, but I just wanted to let you all know that I’m reconsidering for the time being. I don’t want you all to worry.
The people I have met on this site have changed my life forever. They have opened my eyes to the world […]
Just wondering if anyone here has ever been diagnosed with this. I was recently, and I wish I would have gotten help sooner for it, now it may be too late to try to change my life in a meaningful way. Over a year ago I went on some nonsensical manic rant on youtube and got the attention of all kinds of people, then I kept at it via ranting into search engines knowing my system was compromised and anything I wrote was being seen and pissed like the whole world off, not to mention the people i pissed off fanned the flames further. At […]
I owe my life to you
you’ve helped me grow.
you kept me safe
on my darkest days, you were my light.
the last time I thought about taking my last breath, you were the one thing on my mind. I’ve always been vengeful, I’ve always wanted to see you suffer like you watched me – and I knew taking away something you cared about would hurt you more than anything.
two birds, one stone.
if I kill myself, it would kill you too.
but watching you smile –
hearing you breathe
makes me […]
I can’t sleep. My Grandmother makes it sound so simple. “How can’t you sleep? Turn everything off and lay down!” Gee, thanks Gran, haven’t tried that one before! She means well, though. So I listen to her long enough for her to feel comfortable enough to leave me alone before I resume doing whatever it was I was up to before she entered my room.
I’m a schizophrenic. People avoid me when they find out about it, they think I’m so crazy. They’re usually the people I’d avoid anyway – the people who barely know you but pretend they do based on the rumors they hear […]