…after a week of not seeing her turns into both of us crying in a bar while she tells me that she can’t promise me to be that person who builds a life with me, and that i deserve to be in a relationship where i’m a priority but that she loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. I come home and get on some dating pas to cruise since we’re poly anyway and there’s nothing better than drowning your sorrow in another person and this boy tells me “i can’t date someone who is basically taken.” Now i know I wouldn’t want to […]
Long story short. .I have been engaged for the past 3 years, we had been dating for 5 years, and we have been friends since mid 2000. I suffer from depression and have attempted suicide several times in the past. When my other half and I started dating something changed in me. I could feel it and my family could see it. He was a blessing in disguise. After April of this year I could feel something wasn’t the same my gut said he […]
So on the 24th of august 2014 i tried to commit suicide and wanted to so badly, and you know nearly succeeded but because of my brother i am still alive lol. We had an argument the day before and i stupidly realised after i had taken 35 out of the 50 i had laid out on my table. So of course because my brother is the only person in this world i actually care abt and know he cares abt me i stopped. And im a bit glad i did but not entirely because i still feel like complete and utter shit, i still […]
I am writing this with a heavy heart. It’s been awhile. I’d just go straight to my point, yeah?
Did you actually miss me? Because I know I don’t.
As time goes by, I find that I have lesser and lesser things to tell you about. I actually struggle to talk to you. I don’t even know what to say to you sometimes. In order to keep This alive, I’ve tried my best to push myself out to talk to you, and so I always send you pictures. Since they speak of a thousand (make that million!) words, ha ha.
The love I once had for […]
The other day I was sitting on the public bus and I was feeling really sad, as usual recently. Before I got to the bus stop I was sweating because it was really hot outside and I was also really sad because I had looked at myself in the mirror and I had seen something I really didn’t like about myself and I didn’t like myself, not that I have ever truly liked myself. Anyway, when I was on the bus, I started looking at the scenery around me and I started thinking how ever since I was young I have always felt like I […]
I’ve been alone in my depression my entire life. I’ve got social anxiety so I’m basically a recluse. My depression is treatment resistant. The longest a medication has worked for me is two months before it stops and needs to be changed. To add to it I get the worst side effects. Uncontrollable muscle movements slurred speech and worse. I can’t take life anymore. I need a friend and a hug and someone to just hold me while I cry. It just doesn’t end. With everything going bad in my life I want to die so bad but I’m too big a coward to kill […]
I’ve been doing much better since I posted on here last. It really helped talking to people that actually understood how and why I felt the way I did. It also made me realise that even people that don’t know me, care. They will take the time to discuss all the bad shit as to where your friends no longer have time for it and you just need to snap out of it . Anyways I just wanted to say thank you.
the vampire diaries is her favorite show, so here i am, on a saturday night, by myself as always, watching this show and seeing all of these romantic loving relationships, something i wanted so badly with her. i refuse to live my life without her, i cant do it. the only reason im being a miserable loser here is because i wont allow anybody close to me know that i feel this way. once i grow a pair and actually decide to end it, theyll never see it coming.
There’s always so much talk about painless ways to go… Does anyone here fantasise about more violent deaths? I’ve always wanted to go out with a bang. I want to stare death in the face and welcome it with a smile. I want the last thing I feel to be adrenaline streaming through my veins.
I tried to kill myself last month. I had wanted to kill myself for several years now, but it wasn’t until last month that I found the intense suicidal drive to plan an almost certainly lethal attempt. It took around 15 days to go from the decision to getting to a place where I could actually do it. But when I got there, with my handgun and my suicide notes, I just couldn’t do it. I tried so hard to pull the trigger, but I wasn’t psychologically prepared to kill myself. I’d still rather be dead than alive, but I just don’t have the psychological […]
I’ve lost yet another person who meant a lot to me. One of the few people who truly encouraged, inspired and believed in me. His funeral is tomorrow, and I don’t know if I can deal with it. He was a close family member, and our bound was something I took pride in. He became paralyzed at 19 through a swimming accident. He’s been quadriplegic ever since I can remember. I never saw him through his disability/handicap. I saw him for the person he was. From a really young age I started taking care of him when he needed help. He came to be someone […]
when i first came here on this site i had a feeling, that most of persons here consider suicide as something right to do, the only thing to do. The only question was, how to do it. I was terrified. My brother commited suicide and thats why i came here in the first place. I wanted to know, how his minde worked, why he did it, by reading posts of other suicidal people. I thought it would help me with handling his death, but it made it worse,so it took a lot of courage to click on this page again today. But now I am […]
I don’t know where to start.
I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. That alone was absolute hell. Every day was about reading the bible and going door to door to convert people. I never had time to be a kid. To make it worse fun was practically a sin. When pokemon came around I wasn’t aloud to play, because Pokemon were “Demons”. When Harry Potter came around I wasn’t aloud to read, because harry potter is a “Warlock.” Instead I spent my entire youth learning how to speak in tongues, how to convert someone, that I’m a bad person. There were no holidays in my […]
So I’ve watched the movie 7 Pounds a few times. If you haven’t seen it, you should. If you like Will Smith that is. I’ve always wanted to make an impact on humanity. Or at least leave something of a mark, even if it’s not something people will remember a 100 years from now. If I could simply give someone else life through my death, I could end on that note. So I’ve researched the Box Jellyfish. It’s the deadliest Jellyfish, if not the deadliest creature in the sea. It’s venom is considered among the most deadly. So as the movie goes, Will Smith commits […]
Hello, I goggled I want to cut myself tonight to try and stop myself from slicing up my thigh. My boyfriends laying in the bed next to me while I’m crying my eyes out asking “what can I do”, nothing and then I tried to talk to him an he said you always get like this last night I cried after I had sex with him but I say this with all my heart someone that has never known depression will never know, he doesn’t know. My mother died of cancer when I was nine my father remarried a women a year later with 3 […]
I feel better than I have in weeks. Still nervous and worried but I have a smile on my face. I am finding it difficult to focus. I’m finding it difficult to go on in certain ways. I need to figure certain things out. Maybe this isn’t what I’m meant to do in life. maybe I should run away. I’ve always wanted to run away, like Holden Caulfield. I think I should give this life a try and then see if I still feel the same in a few months.
I’ve gained some weight and I’m still getting use to my body. It feels like it […]
I have a huge heart and helped out the man I was/am in love with by helping him buy a car. Since we purchased it in February, excuse me, since I, he has given me very little for it. Something else came up so he talked me into getting a title loan on it for him. The car is all in my name and he wants me to tag it…which means everything will continue to be in my name. I want out from under it. It was suppose to be a few month deal and he’s doing nothing to change it. We currently are friends […]
I lived my life as a child who had big dreams. I wanted to be a teacher or a doctor because that’s what kids my age wanted to be at the time. Life outside was great,but coming home was never any fun. There were times when I enjoyed being home. Other times I wish I had a place to run to. Four years go by and every single day of those years were awful. What still brings me tears is when on July 5th I told myself “This was beautiful day”. From then till now I haven’t had a beautiful day. I became a druggie […]
I was in a relationship for 15 years where he belittled me on a daily basis. It wasn’t until the divorce and 2 children later that I was told I suffer from battered woman’s syndrome. I was always too fat, never good enough in bed, mean, moody, didn’t clean enough, not a good cook, not a good mom, didn’t take my schooling far enough to be able to give him all the material things he wanted, etc. Finally after a year of being divorced, I tried online dating. I met several people, none of which caught my attention. Then I met one that was not […]
I know what your thinking , I’m so young I have a life ahead of me. I don’t. My childhood was tossed between my divided parents who hurt each other by hurting me. My stepfather hit me , my mom told me she wished I had never been born. Then when I was 15 I moved in with my dad and his wife thinking that they wanted me me because they loved me , they just wanted to stop paying child support. I was alone I had a few friends , but then he came into my life, my boyfriend I had found a reason […]