There’s always so much talk about painless ways to go… Does anyone here fantasise about more violent deaths? I’ve always wanted to go out with a bang. I want to stare death in the face and welcome it with a smile. I want the last thing I feel to be adrenaline streaming through my veins.
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My husband always wanted to go out in a great big ball of fire. Instead he suffocated while unconscious. It’s a pity.
What’s your exact fantasy?
That is really unfortunate. I’m sure he’s happy now though.
I’ve got so many. I think what I will eventually end up doing is jumping into the ocean from a cliff I visited once, in the middle of a storm. The biggest fantasy I ever had though was standing on train tracks, but I could never put the train driver through that. I also sometimes think about staying overnight in a really beautiful hotel, on the highest floor possible, and jumping off the balcony in the middle of the night.
It’s disturbing how happy thinking about my death makes me.
I don’t really feel happy thinking about it. Sometimes if makes me feel calm and relieved, but other times I end up curling up into a ball on the floor and cry uncontrollably.
Oh yeah…especially lately. I want to completely destroy my heart physically as it feels it has been emotionally and have a way to make sure there’s nothing left of it.
Yeah I absolutely understand that feeling. I just want every aspect of myself to be obliterated.
Well, considering that it involves jumping from a high structure with a bundle of long knives taped together, I’ll probably obliterate a few things, but the heart is the main focus. I don’t want anything to be left of it.
copelessness, a shotgun blast to the heart might be more effective. You’re awful nice though. I’d hate for you to go out that way, but I do believe we should have a choice in how we exit this place.
I don’t care for guns. My father collected them and he and I had a poor relationship. I’d rather my death have no connotations to him.
Plus, knives were my friend years ago. I never cut too deep though. It was just nice to confirm that I had color inside me. The real scars can’t be seen.
I’ve never heard of a suicide like that, it’s very poetic, I think. Destroying something that was already destroyed a long time ago, for good. Are you planning on doing it or is it just a thought?
Well, after my last attempt was botched, I made a pact with myself to live for two months and put the date as the first day of Autumn. That’s coming up soon now.
That’s the plan unless I just end up crying until I give up like last time.
I have been thinking of and daydreaming about cutting my own throat, right in the kitchen in broad daylight when I’m all alone in the house since every member of my family either goes to school or work. No notes, just me laying there in a great, big pool of blood then when they come home and see me it’ll be like “Surprise, apparently I was suicidal/insane all along! Sorry!” Something like that. Hmm, kinda cheesy and dramatic now that I wrote it down. And I doubt if it’ll even be physically possible with the self-preservation instinct kicking in. I should definitely think of something better.
Not cheesy at all, it makes an impact. I’d thought about trying to slit my throat too but I worried about the same thing. I was also worried that if my instincts kicked in and I couldn’t cut deep enough but I still made a cut; it would look so obvious. Everyone would know and there’d be no way to hide it. That scares me.
You’re right about when you’re not able to go through with the throat-slitting. The scar will be really noticeable and so you’d really must get it done right which makes it a difficult method to try. And I also agree about what you posted regarding not wanting to make the train driver go through that, also a year ago there was a woman who did exactly that and succeeded and so train schedules and operations had to be halted and people were inconvenienced, some were even irritated and angry at what she had done, and it was all over the news and media. I really don’t want THAT, at all. I think the fantasy of jumping off a bridge while it’s raining heavily is quite good. However, it should be a sure-fire thing too that when you hit the water either you die on impact or you lose consciousness then drown without you even knowing. That would be ideal. It’s nice talking about these fantasies with you. Itknid of makes me feel a bit lighter. I can’t explain why. But thanks a lot for responding and sharing. 🙂
You’re right about when you’re not able to go through with the throat-slitting. The scar will be really noticeable and so you’d really must get it done right which makes it a difficult method to try. And I also agree about what you posted regarding not wanting to make the train driver go through that, also a year ago there was a woman who did exactly that and succeeded and so train schedules and operations had to be halted and people were inconvenienced, some were even irritated and angry at what she had done, and it was all over the news and media. I really don’t want THAT, at all. I think the fantasy of jumping off a bridge while it’s raining heavily is quite good. However, it should be a sure-fire thing too that when you hit the water either you die on impact or you lose consciousness then drown without you even knowing. That would be ideal. It’s nice talking about these fantasies with you. It kind of makes me feel a bit lighter. I can’t explain why. But thanks a lot for responding and sharing. 🙂
There’s something so “beautiful” to me about jumping from a height while it’s raining and storming. I don’t know what it is, but I like the thought of it.
It makes me feel a lot less abnormal to actually talk about these things with other people rather than just talk to myself about them. So thanks to you too 🙂
Also, I had a very dear friend who jumped off an overpass in front of a train, so I think that’s why I’ve always felt connected to that method. But the train driver was a mess, he never went back to his job. I’d hate to ruin someone’s life in that way; like I’d ended my own pain by giving it all to the train driver. But I still have a shit load of respect for my friend. Plus she was young, really young, 13. She was really lost in her head.
Well I have made an attempt by car crash, but I wouldn’t know if that’s would be considered a violent means.
At the time I didn’t care if the method was painful or peaceful, my main objective was simply death. Even after going 90+mph and obliterating my car, I managed to walk out, literally unharmed. But I can assure you I experienced no feeling through out and after the accident. Its quite peculiar.
Obviously I had to cover my failure up as a “car accident”, and feign distress to avoid any suspicion. It worked.
It’s heartbreaking that you had to lie about such a huge event in your life.
I’ve often considered driving my car off the side of a mountain. I live on a mountain and so many people have accidentally gone off and died. It’s amazing that some accidents can be so very fatal and others you can just walk out of.