Tag:

wanting

Life is complicated, and I hate it.

by EvilKitten 9/26/2014

written by EvilKitten

Feels like eons since I’ve been on this site, but in “reality” it has only been a few weeks. I moved 4 hours away from my previous home, got a job at walmart making a pittance to run around like a headless chicken. Stressing to the max about money. And still wanting to kill myself.

I found a super awesome guy who’s letting me rent his room and is understanding about me not having the rent money until I get paid in 2-4 weeks. And he has a really cool 15 year old daughter who stays with him part time. I love teenagers. They’re so much […]

9/26/2014 14 comments

pet peeve

by ritualmusic 9/24/2014

written by ritualmusic

Can I just say, I am so fucking tired of people telling me “if you’re depressed then change it”.

THANK YOU!

That is such a revelation! I’m better now! I had no idea that I was perpetuating my own misery for 26 years of life!

People think they’re helping when all they’re doing is making things worse. I don’t complain at the time because really, I’m thankful for anyone even wanting to help or have a minute amount of care for my well-being but inside I’m screaming.

I know I’m not alone. I know at least one of you out there can identify […]

9/24/2014 9 comments

first post

by brownies 9/22/2014

written by brownies

Hi everyone, so I’ve been reading posts for weeks now and finally decided to register. I’ve been depressed for years now. I’ve been hospitalized at least 6 times in the last year. My last hospitalization I took over 100 Tylenol and was close to death. Now I am suicidal again and have been wanting to kill myself for weeks. I see my psychiatrist every week now and she has been so close to admitting to the hospital a couple times. Some of my fam and friends say I should listen to my Dr. and go to the hospital but I’ve been so many times and […]

9/22/2014 5 comments

im too much of a coward to actually kill myself

by Bobbybeetee 9/22/2014

written by Bobbybeetee

Ive been wanting to kill myself for quite some time now and every time I want to and I’m about too i always ***** out. I feel nothing but depression in my life, My father doesn’t care about me, I get bullied for being overweight, and I really wanna end it. I just wish their was SOME way to get the courage to just cut my wrist and end up.

9/22/2014 4 comments

a day after my birthday

by passionfruit3 9/16/2014

written by passionfruit3

Today is my birthday.im twenty two.twenty two and unmedicated and suicidal.but heres the thing i dont know if I’ll ever complete suicide.i tell myself i will and i even get as close to swallowing pills or standing on a bridge.but the thing is i seek help or i wait to long and help arrives.on wendsday i want to kill myself but my mind jumps ahead to overdosing and seeking. Help right. After.i believe a lot of this is fear based and this is a cry for help.i just don’t know how. To ask for it ecspecially seeing as the only help the er will offer […]

9/16/2014 3 comments

Anyone else here diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder?

by DC001 9/12/2014

written by DC001

Just wondering if anyone here has ever been diagnosed with this. I was recently, and I wish I would have gotten help sooner for it, now it may be too late to try to change my life in a meaningful way. Over a year ago I went on some nonsensical manic rant on youtube and got the attention of all kinds of people, then I kept at it via ranting into search engines knowing my system was compromised and anything I wrote was being seen and pissed like the whole world off, not to mention the people i pissed off fanned the flames further. At […]

9/12/2014 3 comments

Ugh

by depressednihilist95 9/11/2014

written by depressednihilist95

Life is a depressing experience. Each day at college, I feel like I’m being forced against my will to conform to society. I’m only going to college because it’s either that, work for no reason, or suicide (such great choices). Seriously, there is no reason for me to work because I don’t want life. I’ve thought I might want a boyfriend, but I’ve never had one, and why bother? Relationships never last, and I’ve been told that I’m too sick to have one (so I guess I’m also unworthy of love). I don’t look forward to anything after college, or life in general. To be […]

9/11/2014 4 comments

Is it inevitable?

by OverIt13 9/11/2014

written by OverIt13

“You’re only 22, suicide is not the answer. Tons of life left ahead.”

Its easy for someone to say when they can’t fully understand what your going through, how you feel, or how you think. The suffering that goes on inside consistently. Its easy for people to say that suicide is the easy and selfish way out when they just don’t understand. Does it hurt to think about how much you would be putting your friends and family through when you decide to end your own life? Of course, but they can never truly get the pain and suffering that goes on internally.

I’m fortunate enough to […]

9/11/2014 3 comments

Crappy Day

by icanonlygiveyoume 9/9/2014

written by icanonlygiveyoume

I was just going to post a picture on Instagram with the caption being “this has been a crappy day.” Then, I realized I just sounded like an attention whore wanting someone to ask why and understand.

My parents are mad at me. I have a 95% in math. Apparently that’s bad, so they are going to hold a parent-teacher conference. In English i have an 88%. I don’t even know why. My essay was read by teacher as an example paper to the class. I got 7 out 10 right in a pop quiz so it bought down my grade by TEN PERCENT! And on the grading […]

9/9/2014 1 comment

A place to tell my story

by oldnewsman 9/8/2014

written by oldnewsman

I have been in pain for years and I think about ending my life everyday. It’s not about wanting to die, but there is too much pain to handle any more. At this point I am trying to get things in order.

For me, the pain started decades ago when I was abused by priests. I tried to live with it, and for a long time I was able to cope. Unfortunately my mental health has deteriorated along with my physical health for many years and it is no longer a weight that I can carry. I have been diagnosed and re-diagnosed several times – enough […]

9/8/2014 6 comments

looking for help

by useless18 9/5/2014

written by useless18

im extremely depressed and idk why. I cant get these bad thoughts out of my head and I feel like a failure. ive had similar episodes of depression in the past and have attempted suicide before using pills and I don’t want to get back to that. I attend a liberal arts school and was on the wrestling team with a scholarship but I gave that up today due to this depression. Im planning on dropping out, I don’t want my parents to waste 18,000 dollars on this school where I walk around wanting to die and failing classes. I just want help from someone that’s not getting paid to […]

9/5/2014 1 comment

A Mental High

by This_iz_me 9/1/2014

written by This_iz_me

This is my second post on here…. I don’t know how often I will post but I see this an outlet for me. I feel like I don’t have to hold it all in anymore….

Anyway, I have tried to kill myself with pills and alcohol but it didn’t do anything. The feeling you get afterwards just lingered all for a few day. My speech was a little slurred and I couldn’t walk straight but eventually the feeling went away. The feeling of wanting to die or wanting to live varies from day to day. Some days I feel like I got this and others I […]

9/1/2014 9 comments

Call Me Weak

by HereticBlood 9/1/2014

written by HereticBlood

Just another slice at a slow soothing pace
Just another pill to drown that horrid face

Just another life, just another feast
I can not escape the ugly beast

It’s all reality, some say a thrilling ride
But there’s nothing thrilling about wanting to die…

Call me bleak
Call me blind
Call me weak
But you see I’ve been caught up in a daunting bind..

In this hole far to deep

80feet under I try to escape
Can’t escape a hole that never changes shape…

9/1/2014 2 comments

Has anyone ever…

by anomR 8/31/2014

written by anomR

Has anyone never let anyone in before. Not out of fear but simply not caring enough and then met someone who they thought walked on water and was prepared to die for. I love her so much, it’s been 10 months 3 weeks and 2 days since she left me. It’s not like I’m a loner or anything I know loads of people who love and care about me. I could get another girlfriend who’s more attractive. But there’s something about her, I just adore and I don’t know why. It doesn’t make any sense and isn’t logical at all. She has confirmed repeatedly she’d […]

8/31/2014 2 comments

I can’t stop thinking about ending it…

by cagedtiger 8/30/2014

written by cagedtiger

I talked to someone today and he helped me a lot. He gave me a ray of hope and a thought about something that I need to try to do, and I felt better than I had in quite a while, but… I still can’t stop crying and wanting to just end it all. I’m trying out something where I wait out the week and see if I can retrieve some money or items from the person who has been scamming me, but I don’t know if I’ll get anything back. If I do make the decision to end it, there are things that I […]

8/30/2014 8 comments

IDK Why I’m Posting

by Brendan 8/28/2014

written by Brendan

I know what I want to do. I’ve always known it. Yet somehow it never gets done. I asked my therapist to just think of me finally getting everything he ever thought I would enjoy. People don’t think that way; especially not therapists. I am ashamed of my feelings. I think of all of the people who will die today; many of whom have very real reasons for wanting to live. I just think why can’t it be me? If X number of ppl need to die today why can’t one of them be me. A person who doesn’t want to live anymore. Do any […]

8/28/2014 4 comments

desire

by sunflower 8/27/2014

written by sunflower

The feeling when youre holding a razor in your hand, tears pouring down your face and youre just staring at it… so close to relief, so close to that feeling you used to rely on. My arms are starting to tingle again burn and ache wanting to feel the slice of the blade and see the blood first pool then trickle down my arm. but he texted me… as if he felt the need to contact me. maybe it was a coincidence. maybe ill still cut tonight. god i really wantto cut but if he were here with me i would settle for his sweet […]

8/27/2014 0 comment

I’m an Ugly Duckling

by TwistedSpace 8/27/2014

written by TwistedSpace

I guess I was destined to be this ugly. In my last post, I mentioned wanting to punch my mirror into a bunch of tiny pieces. Part of that has to do with how unbearably ugly I feel. In my opinion, I look like a monkey. My ex called me a trap, which is a term for Tran people who look completely believable as their desired gender. I don’t know. Others say I look cute, gorgeous, like a model, even. I just don’t see it. What do you think?

8/27/2014 14 comments

Patient Zero

by depressednihilist95 8/27/2014

written by depressednihilist95

I really don’t know if I qualify for being depressed. I chose to have “depressed” as a part of my user name because it was a label that people were throwing onto me. I thought that depression was irrational. Wanting to die for no reason seems like depression, but wanting to die because of say, spiritual reasons or philosophical reasons does not seem much like a “chemical imbalance” to me. I should probably be careful with what I state here, but I believe that some people actually have rational reasons for suicide.

I don’t know if my reasoning would be so rational, though. All I want […]

8/27/2014 2 comments

I want to go

by Scarlett Dawn 8/27/2014

written by Scarlett Dawn

I’ve been wanting this for so long; but now it’s more than a desire, it’s an obsession

I have nothing in my life that gives my living any credibility

I’m just a girl who’s broken beyond repair and this may well be how the rest of my life be like and I do not wish to keep going this way.

I need to go. I have to go.

8/27/2014 10 comments

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