Tag:

wanting

To Be Ok With Not Being Ok

by thehusk 1/2/2016

written by thehusk

So…my thought for the day is that I will probably never be happy. I don’t I have it in me. You don’t get to live how I’ve lived and be happy. There is no peace for me here.

Despite that, for the time being, I think I still want to live. I still want to pursue my goals, however out of reach they seem, even knowing that gaining them will bring nothing but momentary satisfaction before the gnawing discontent returns.

The main obstacles to this settlement are sleep and work.

On my days off I can usually cope with my overwhelming anxiety/existential dread by focusing on other things. I […]

1/2/2016 6 comments

a sick state of mind

by evildandelions 1/2/2016

written by evildandelions

This morning I woke up crying and in physical pain from grief. There’s too much in my mind to write about it all, can’t even form a coherent organization to it all.

But the sick thing is, I woke up wondering if I should take the pills now or go to a thrift store that has 50% sale on saturday. So, basically, I want to buy clothing and then attempt to hurt or kill myself (unlikely, sadly, although maybe if I added vicodin to the mix- klonopin and vicodin are contraindicated) .

I spoke to my ex yesterday. It was good in ways, to know that she misses […]

1/2/2016 4 comments

Selfish?

by Bedraggled 12/27/2015

written by Bedraggled

It’s impossible to explain the feeling of wanting to be at peace and that the only way your mind offers you the opportunity to obtain that peace is in death. It’s an unfamiliar feeling that’s become far too familiar, visits far too frequently and leaves you feeling far from your rational chain of thought. You don’t want to die, you don’t want to hurt those that you love and those that love you yet you can’t find the resolve within you to carry on. Each day is as painful, if not more so than the next. Regularly visiting the aquatic depths of depression that you […]

12/27/2015 4 comments

I’m so tired of this life

by nicole123 12/26/2015

written by nicole123

All I think about is killing myself . I try to be happy in moments but I can never seem to do it . All I have been thinking about lately is wanting to die . I don’t know if I can make it in 2016

12/26/2015 5 comments

I’m back to wanting to die. Same reason, there’s no hope.

by tiredthoughts 12/26/2015

written by tiredthoughts

I’ve been putting it off the suicidal thoughts or attempts. I just wake up and live everyday. Hoping, waiting.. For what I know will never come. I relive every possible discussion, decision or thoughts or reasons that I had in my mind that led me to this point. Hope and support that ppl of sp bring. I just live and don’t like it. I try and forget, but I don’t. The memories are trapped inside me of a life with someone that will never happen again. I try and do what support suggests, ask myself if theres any hope. And I know there isnt. Doesnt […]

12/26/2015 2 comments

My rant.

by WeAreDreamersx 12/22/2015

written by WeAreDreamersx

I’m 18 years old (19 in less than a month) and I have been depressed since I was 12. I grew up with my Mum and Dad but my Dad passed away in September 2010 when I was 13. I actually saw him disintegrate in the hospital and it’s literally the most traumatizing thing I’ve ever had to see and that image will stay with me for the rest of my life. He had Huntington’s disease and was unable to look after himself as it affects his speech, movement and eating, he also used to jitter constantly. In 2013 I got tested for the disease and […]

12/22/2015 5 comments

Helping Hand

by DaylightFades 12/20/2015

written by DaylightFades

It seems as though a lot of people on this website talk about needing/wanting somebody to listen, maybe offer some outsider’s insight, maybe just have a conversation about anything other than what’s making them upset.

I’d be more than happy to chat with anyone who just needs a friend.

My kik is DayQC18, comment if you’d prefer some other type of communication.

Best of luck, friends.

12/20/2015 4 comments

I just want to fucking get lost!

by Trudis 12/14/2015

written by Trudis

I thought I was okay now. And then I was told by my sister that I really do tend to be negative and say negative things, and then I’m back to wanting to commit suicide again. I just want to die. I just really wanna die.

There is never a month that I do not have suicidal thoughts. And I think God is selfish to not let us choose to die. If there is even a God to begin with.

12/14/2015 1 comment

Lost

by Raffe 12/13/2015

written by Raffe

My boyfriend broke up with me. I finally had the courage to tell him about my struggle with depression, and he broke up with me. There is a line of guys wanting to date me and wait on me hand and foot. How was I lucky enough to fall in love with the one guy who couldn’t love me? I’m devastated.

12/13/2015 3 comments

Protected: Guts.

by whiskered-fish 12/7/2015

written by whiskered-fish

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

12/7/2015 5 comments

Go to bed wanting to die, wake up wanting to die

by rayonhousefly 12/4/2015

written by rayonhousefly

That’s how it goes. I’m not looking for sympathy or empathy or anything really, just felt like finally posting something after being registered for such a long while and not doing anything with it.

My stories the same as most, severe depression since I was young, when my mom got injured at work and I basically lost her, at least in my mind how it felt. She was a single mom so with no one else there to help us, it was up to me to take care of everything. That wasn’t so bad really, I liked the responsibility.

Fast forward a few years, I’m 12 or […]

12/4/2015 3 comments

Protected: .

by Trix 12/4/2015

written by Trix

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

12/4/2015 0 comment

When is it going to end?

by imperfectjenny 11/29/2015

written by imperfectjenny

Apparently I was already a member here, but I don’t remember joining. But I’m glad I re-found this site. I need a non-judgemental place to talk. I’ll try to keep it short. 😛

I’ve been severely depressed and suicidal for over 19 years now. I’ve had some periods of “ok-ness”, but nothing too exciting. Pretty much tried all the meds/med combos/ketamine infusion/ECT/different therapies/hospitalizations/residentials/etc. Had some random, minor attempts. And here I am today, still depressed as hell & just wanting to end it all.

My nephew killed himself almost 2 years ago. It was extremely heartbreaking and I’m still not even close to being over it. If […]

11/29/2015 21 comments

What The World Makes Us

by JustCallMeSam 11/28/2015

written by JustCallMeSam

I’ve often wonder why people are so afraid of talking about death. About shadows and darkness, and for that matter, suicide. Sometimes I just feel like a ghost passing through this world, watching the people around me go in circles, playing imaginary games. I don’t get it… we’re born, we go to school, get a job, then die. All the meantime, people are always running from their darkness. Because it’s too painful to face… They would rather choose distraction than work with their demons and befriend them. And then of course…when we finally choose to face it, everyone says there’s something wrong with you.

It’s natural […]

11/28/2015 8 comments

new here

by sobeit 11/23/2015

written by sobeit

im not really sure what im expecting from this i guess

maybe someone to relate to? im not sure anymore, i just need someone

im completely lost and torn between wanting to live and wanting to die

i’m a 15 year old female from scotland, and honestly, all i want is a friend

11/23/2015 4 comments

Here’s a rant. Herp Derp Derp

by maddie_kay 11/19/2015

written by maddie_kay

I need to get the hell out of here.
Friend #1 called the cops on me and told them some lie about me wanting to do some murder-suicide shit to my boyfriend. I got mad at her, and she told everyone around me that lie. Because how dare I get upset, how dare I swear at her for calling the cops out of nowhere and in the middle of the night.
Now my neighbors think i’m a danger to their children and call them inside everytime I leave my house.

Then there’s Friend #2. He walks up to me at work, accompanied by his buddy, and […]

11/19/2015 2 comments

Thinking

by nicole123 11/12/2015

written by nicole123

I always feel like I think a lot differently than most people. I always think philosophically about everything I do . It drives me crazy.

I really think that is one reason why I’m depressed. I’m always wanting to find a reason that humans are alive. I’m a nihilistic person I’m not religious or anything, but I think I need something like that in my life.

11/12/2015 18 comments

My Latest Infatuation

by thehusk 11/12/2015

written by thehusk

I don’t even know if you really like me. You seem to put an unusual amount of effort into trying to talk to me, but maybe that’s just the way you are. Maybe you’re just nice. You are nice. Always. Even when you seem miserable. Not in a shiny, happy, fake way, but a sad, resigned, kind way. You’re probably the most enthusiastic person I know, and you put so much effort into weird little gestures that no one really appreciates. It’s like you actually care or something. I don’t see that often. Sensitive people are rare around here.

I catch myself wanting to stop work and look […]

11/12/2015 7 comments

I’m really tired

by lonelygeneral 11/11/2015

written by lonelygeneral

It’s been 7 weeks today since I woke up from my failed attempt. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression most my life. Since going to college it has gotten worse. This past semester, I was kick out of my suite because my roommates didn’t feel safe with me, because I got high twice. Of course having anxiety, I didn’t cope well with the change. I lost my best friend, I was struggling a lot and I just wanted to end it all. I took some pills, but I ended up waking up really sick. It was horrible. Things haven’t really gotten better. Everyday is hard […]

11/11/2015 2 comments

Being Alive Is Not Enough

by Iknowsanta30 11/11/2015

written by Iknowsanta30

Hi, I am a first time poster here however I have been reading a lot of the various pieces that have been put up and thought I would tell my story in the hope that it will help someone else or maybe even me, so here goes.

I am 30 years old, male, live in Scotland. I have a good job, own my flat and a car. Basically have all the materialistic things that matter to many people. I have fantastic friends and family – there are seven billion people in the world and I honestly feel like I couldn’t hand pick better people to have […]

11/11/2015 7 comments

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