I was sad for a long time after being out of a 5 year relationship with a woman who I deeply loved. I still haven’t found anyone yet, not near who much I adored my ex. I’ve slept with other girls and went on plenty of dates where woman have been interested in me, but I didn’t feel anything. I went on anxiety medication which didn’t help. Running was my savior but with starting school again, I have been stressed which has led to me drinking again (running took me away from this and my depression). I really have nothing to be depressed about anymore. […]
Today’s the day. I am killing myself today.
Just wanted to say goodbye? IDK, my family doesn’t give a fuck about me and I just wanted to say goodbye to somebody.
If you must know, I have been suicidal since I was 17 (I’m now 26). This all feels very pointless to type but I’ll type it anyway.
I was so neglected by my parents that I was allowed to become morbidly obsese. At 12/13 y.o. I weighed 240lbs. I was harrassed and ridiculed on a daily basis in Junior High and it was torture, I grew to absolutely loathe waking up every day and felt like a […]
Everything has been a downward’s spiral. I don’t really want to do anything anymore, I’m too sad. I don’t want to go to work, I don’t want to pack my things for going back to school next week, I don’t want to leave my hometown, but I don’t want to stay. It’s like I need to get away from here because I’m more hurt than not over recent events, but I don’t have anything waiting for me at school either. Unless you count my ex who probably won’t want me back anyway because I gained weight this summer. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to […]
Can you feel it? The dead weight yor legs from the sleeping pills, the dizziness from the alcohol, the soft throbbing of your pulse as blood is pumped out of your wrists? That’s it. That’s what we’ve been waiting for, that’s the quiet comfort. The beauty of dying.
I’ve never wanted to kill myself more in my life.
I just feel like a giant roadblock in everyone’s way. My stress is tearing my body apart and we can’t afford insurance for medical care so that’s just another burden on my family. I feel like a waste of life and space and money and energy. I want to disappear. Run away. Die.
Just be out of the lives and out of the way of the ones I love.
After all, they’re going places and I’m not. I’m just dead weight.
i love her and she’s like a mom to me. BUT she disagrees on my stance of wanting to die. She knows what I been though. I finally broke and asked her if she could by me that Max Dog ******** cylinder with an exit bag IF a year has passed and I still want to die and I try extra hard to better myself, do more therapy, eat better and continue losing weight, get my licens, and even admit myself into a psyche ward for a couple weeks 6 months from now.
She was shocked but said she don’t know. Sounds like she may even […]
I remember back when I was 19 years old, there was this big “civil rights controversy” that started in Florida where a Muslim woman wanted to have her drivers ID taken while fully covered in a burka, which covered every part of her face accept for her eyes. The far left jumped right on it, and bleed for her. Also Muslims are allowed to pray 5 times a day at work. These are not equal rights, these are special rights given to people who are religiously delusional. I don’t discriminate since I’m an atheist. These are not real rights!
i know someone near and dear to […]
I dont honestly know why im writing here for everyone to see, its not the kind of person i am to seek attention from anyone and that’s not really my intent. Ive had depression for majority of my life id say ever since high school with 3 attempts on my life however since then ive for the most part repressed as much as i could. I think im writing this literally to scream out my thoughts and how im feeling in the moment now and its just this overwhelming sense of helplessness and failure.
The Irony of this post is that i ‘should’ be okay, ive […]
I am getting ready. I just want somewhere to say it. I can’t tell my friends excitedly about my plans, so I’ll tell you all.
I filed for residency last week. I will get my ID here soon. Then I can buy a pistol. I already have one chosen. Then I can take a concealed carry class and always feel safe, knowing death is always close if I need it. Though I still intend to wait until january, the weight and surety of a gun both soothes me and revs me up. Six more months. Six more months and I’m allowed to quit.
Just six more months.
So […]
I’ve been eating the pain away, trying to lose the weight of all the hate. Is it normal for feeling sadness ever since I was 8?, sorry I’m not a tank. Ain’t no pill going to stop the wait. Molded into the wrong traits, but I still have faith inside my little gate. My lake is filled up with too many fakes; I try to shake but I always will take the bait. I dream to feel happiness so no such thing as a good wake. I try to be cool, I try to be funny, I try to be smart, I try to be […]
No matter where I say it, I always feel like i’m lugging a 75 lb weight and handing it to the people I talk to about my depression. I always feel like I’m a burden and so starts the vicious circle of bottling feelings, exploding, and a months worth of nights where I may not wake or go to sleep at all.
Were that I could curl against
that tipping point
an’ place my breast
my sternum rent against its edge
press down where guilty muscle’s spent
and worn from fighting blackened webs
That wrap around, the charred scent sweet,
my heartbeat wearing, growing […]
She dreams of a day when she won’t have to cry herself to sleep.
Staring at the scars on her wrists she knows this is not who she wants to be.
Another night all alone with her thoughts, dwelling on the questions that race through her head.
Scared to sleep, scared to wake up & face the day when she can’t forget the things that they said.
No one knows all the weight that she holds when she feels alone.
The memories, they haunt her.
No one sees all the pain she brings everywhere she goes.
She feels they’ll never want her.
i am inexplicably tired of everything in my life right now. i am tired of everyone depending on me to be there for them, shouting their problems to me, as if i am strong enough to carry all of their weight plus mine. i am tired of old memories coming back to haunt me and the fear i feel, i am tired of the realness of all of my feelings and thoughts. i am tired of keeping everything about my identity a secret to those who “love” me. i am tired of the overwhelming feelings of loneliness i feel at night as if no one […]
To make your life better, ditch the dead weight.
People who lied to me, bye bye now. Those who left me when I needed them, don’t come back. I don’t have the time nor the energy to deal with people who do that to me. You have no place in my life, nor will you have my kindness.
I pick up my day as the weight I know mine
And push through the clouds again, time within time.
I see you beside me, lain flat at my step
You offer your wings up one day to the next.
Your eyes, blue like diamonds, through darkness they shine
Promising rest in a world that’s all mine.
Day after day I walk past, and yet
That moment I pass is the one I regret.
When darkness descends, I know you’re in tow
Watching and waiting for me to let go.
When finally I tire, my energy ‘plete
There find our eyes; once finally meet.
Lost […]
I currently weigh 150 pounds . I don’t eat some days just to get my weight down . And when I do eat I count the calories .. Does it have to be so hard ? I want to cut all the fat off my body … And see my bones and collarbones and my hips.. I don’t want my stomach to fold when I sit down.. Or people to call me fat any more. I don’t love my life, I don’t love my body, I don’t love myself… When are things gonna get better?
Finally a light at the end of the tunnel, a painless, definite and cheap way to go…
I am sick and tired of it all.
The only thing that is sort of positive is that I’ve been organizing and getting rid of junk that has accumulated over my lifetime.
I pulled out the pictures of me, but I got rid of school yearbooks. Some I torched, some I put in the trash. Didn’t even bother recycling them.
I have a bible, still kept it in a box with a bunch of other books, but I don’t really give it much weight anymore. I’ll probably get rid of it in a couple of days as part of the whole process.
There are some things that are still […]
I keep having dreams where she kills herself, and I wake up feeling as if the world had ended. The crushing weight and anxiety on my chest is too much to bear. Seeing her alive and well makes everything better and soon I forget the dreams but then they come again and I see her, then I wonder for how long all of this will last before the dreams come true, it would kill me. I dint want to even think about it but in trapped in this cycle now