Have you ever felt like banging your head on a wall till it splits open? I’m just tired of trying to explain what is going on in my head. it feels as if there are three people living in my head, the goody two shoes, the evil bastard and last the one who just does not give a fuck. To be honest, the last one is the one i feel most comfortable with, the other two are just facades of an outward nature. Why cant i feel happiness? what the fuck is wrong with me, why is it that i cant find a smile in […]
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I need to do something.
What can I even do, I didn’t expect the consequences of my past to catch up so quickly.
The logical decision (through my perspective) would be to end my self by end of the year, but that isn’t possible due to my ridiculously high preserved morality.
OK so now that’s off the table, what the fuck am I supposed to do. GED then college?? OK where are the funds coming from? GED + Job then? I’m a fucking recluse how am I going to hold a job, history has shown I can not.
Try a new therapist? The last one I tried […]
My 3 year old niece drew this for me yesterday. Caption it I have no idea what the fuck it is. Or what to even call it
Even with medication I still can’t fucking sleep. What the hell?! My doctor keeps changing my medication, uping the dose and whatever… But I can’t fucking sleep!!
I just took my pills. I feel sleepy. I’m in bed. But sleep won’t come. What the fuck?!
I don’t think the medication is helping me at all. Nothing is helping me. Therapy sucks balls. My turn to friend won’t talk to me anymore. I’m in deep shit. I feel like shit.
I’m thinking of making an attempt. My doctor is giving me TCAs. It might just work. I need more of them though. I doubt the dose I have is […]
Gotta rely on sleeping pills to take me out of reality. Been in a shitty mood since Christmas Eve and can’t seem to shake it off. Repeating one of my mistakes which is not talking about my feelings and letting my bf think “what the fuck is wrong now” but fuck it Monday I’ll be back in Portland at my house and I’ll get fucked up in my room and sleep everything off and probably bring myself some kind of pain.
I don’t understand why I let her in again. It took less than 24 hours for me to fall back under her spell. I have no power in this relationship- I never have. When I left her ten months ago, I slowly started to gain my self-confidence and independence back. But four days ago, I let her back into my life. I am weak again, and I just want her to hold me and run her fingers through my hair. I am so close to my 1000th day of not self-harming, and I have not stopped thinking about cutting […]
I said i wasnt gonna come on here but i dont know what the fuck im doing because im going to a dance with a nice boy tonight but im almost crying right now because i think i look fucking stupid and i dont even wanna go to the dance and i have to meet his parents before it so his mom can take pictures and if they analyze me they’ll probably notice my wrists and i dont want them to and this boy deserves someone better who isnt anxious like i am
Nostalgia: Part 2.5
I remember being 16 and at a party thinking, “My 21st birthday is so far away.” My 21st is just around the corner now. I know I’m not old, but my god what the fuck am I doing..
I took a nap and had a scary dream. I was in New York City and it was 9/11 , 2001 and I was standing at the bottom and just started running away because I saw the trade center start to come down and I just saw everyone scream and running with me and sirens every where .Holy shit it was so scary. I’m feeling wierd right now because it really makes me angry that like thousands of people died . All these terrorist attacks even today are like out of control. Isis in Paris … Apparently they are in my state Virginia targeting at […]
I’m just physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted almost 24/7. I barely have any motivation to do anything, not even to move around. It’s getting worse and worse, and I’m falling so fast it’s scary. It’s a struggle to get through each day. I don’t know what to do. I’m in therapy, I have resources, I have support, but…? I don’t know, it doesn’t help. Even now, typing this, my eyes hurt so much and I know I need to sleep but I’m too sad to move. There’s also the problem where I’m paranoid that there’s something watching me when I’m in my room at night […]