I see lifeâ€™s travel before my eyes, and many years have passed an I am still hear. Locked always, in this shell of a thing. Roaming about this world I greave for them all not to see. Yet all they have to do is look in the mirror and fine it ,for them selves. From their own book in hand do they judge ,and server the one they fear most. Yet they never learn the gift that they where given. Choice: to be able to change, the fate of man instead of following the wheel.Â Sometime I start to think they are not who they […]
Please I ask of thee, but listen to me and tell me ,if Iam mad. Life around us is in toil and pain ,sleep is short. Leaving me alone, to pounder the ifs and whatâ€™s ,where and why. when is my mine ever Â going to see peace in my waking day . Was I born this way? to walk amuck the stranger an imperfect human. Mocking my way, and wondering. who is that strange person. Â Nor do I look and ask the same, from my point of view. Long Days and Nights have past. Â has it gone ,what is it that I am supposed to […]
Driving home last night from a casual party with old friends, I had to laugh. What would they say if they found out that I, the charming, funny, positive guy who was so full of life, slammed his car into a bridge overpass at 82 mph because he couldn’t take the pain of life a minute longer?
In the car at 3 am with no other soul as far as I could see, I shouted as loud as I can, until my voice blew out and there was just a dry rasp left in my throat. It didnt do a damn of good. I pounded the […]
I have to drive with both hands and both knees on the wheel to control the impulse of slamming into telephone poles. Windows terrify me because I know what they’re for. I swear to heaven and hell if I ever see a gun within arms reach, it’ll be in my mouth and discharged before anyone (including myself) knew what hit them.
There is nothing for me in this world. I never belonged, and it was only one thing, a loved one, that kept me alive for 10 years of my adult life. She died painfully. With her gone I see the world the way it truly […]
My name is Benjamin and i’m 13 years old and a half. I’m an atheist and i live in Montreal. My first language is french and my second is english. I have a disease called hemophilia since i was born. Its a disease that makes your body more vulnerable to injuries. That means that when i’m hurt, it will hurt more longer and it will take more time to recover. I’ve been hurt to my ankle a lot so now i’m in a wheel chair and i can’t walk for a long time. I am a sportive guy and i love sports especially hockey and […]
I never thought I would be here now. I recently turned eighteen and have been thinking about ending things lately.
You see, a few months ago I made a mistake of driving my car after working a double at work while under the influence of weed.Â I fell asleep at the wheel, crashed into a tree, and totaled my car. IÂ am now in the process of receiving a DUI, and trying to get into the ARD program. ARD is a program that will remove a DUI from your record, and allow you avoid jail time, this is for first time offenders only.
But I just feel like if […]
Fear is that feeling you get Â that makes you feel helpless, your heart flutters and gasps, well your mind screams to run. Many think of fear as an external cause, where something outside of your self scares you. Little do people know that fear is internal, caused by the feeling of lack of power, you feel weak and powerless. your mind will play tricks on you telling you that you are weak, powerless, even worthless. The mind with fear slowly ether crumples under the strain or stands up to the lies and falsehoods become strong, powerful. One may think you can hide from it or […]
After a hard year of being controlled, ignored and pushed around, it’s finally come that I am moving away from this demoness… I have a blog by the way if anyone wants to read it, how wrathful and hurt she’s made me…
So, let me tell you a story of the bestest cousins who one’s true colors comes to show how evil and a bully she is…. It starts with moving in together, oh, what a bad idea that was!! Oh, I will also post this on my blog as well, which I will post at the end, and it will be the final farewell one […]
A week of coincidences. Those unhappy bitches just never let up. Every time I take a step aside, there they emerge, out of nowhere. Every time I do particular things, either intentionally or unintentionally, no matter what the outcome is. Much like someone trying to tell me: Â Stick to the same route, or you know you’ll regret it. It STILL has me wondering, whoÂ is behind the wheel of my life? I only know it ain’t me.
I’ve been sleeping badly this past week. I don’t even know if I’ve been sleeping at all. It could be that drinking 10 cups of coffee in a day until […]
It would be nice if, for once, leaving your house didn’t mean potentially ending up in that school parking lot by myself at 3 in the morning.
I’m driving, and I can feel it coming on. I knew it was going to happen as soon as you touched me and my thoughts immediately replaced your hands with his. I held it off the whole evening so I could enjoy my time with you but as soon as I’m alone again, I am truly alone. The wheel become harder to control as my hands start shaking and my breathing gets ragged. My head becomes lighter and fills […]
Well, I don’t like to say the word “suicide” because it has always had negative connotations in my life. My family is comprised of a bunch of cold-hearted, sarcastic Argonauts with strong wills and drive, so we see suicide as pathetic. And the twist: I’ve felt suicidal since day one. The inner conflict of the way I was raised and the way I feel is certainly nothing short of overwhelming. I’ve always wanted different things from the people around me and consequentially I’ve felt stifled, suppressed, and unwelcome in my environment for years. I have very few friends, and the ones I do have I […]
My parents started to fight ever since I could remember. Â My father was abusive to my mother, not to me though. Still he screamed at me, kept me up all night telling me I was just a kid. HE broke chairs, smashed the house, broke my stuff, and hurt my mother very badly. I joined drama class at school, and he told me I couldn’t act. He crushed my dreams, and makes me feel worthless. All of my school days I have been bullied. The called me names, took away my jacket when it was cold, called me a lesbian, a wore, a fucking loser, […]
The first time I tried to commit suicide I was relatively young. Thinking back, I’m not sure why I tried. I just got so tiredÂ of living. It’s not that I had no friends, I had a bunch, but I didn’t really have any real ones. I knew my friends talked about me behind my back, we all did. It wasn’t the fact that they did it, it was just that they said such horrible things about me and acted so nice to me. Then another something happened at home. My mom and I fought so much, it was horrible. She would scream, yell, tell me […]
I’m sick of doing so much shit for everyone around me and getting nothing in return. I’m nice as can be 24/7, even to people I can’t stand, and all I get back is, you got it, NOTHING. That or they treat me even worse. I’m just tired. What’s the point? Why bother being nice to people who are just going to screw you over, ignore you, stab you in the back, and treat you like trash? Not to mention I’m ALWAYS the third wheel. I pay for everything when I can, I treat everyone like freaking royalty and I’m starting to think they don’t […]
I don’t know.
I find myself every day saying this. I repeat this word alot.Â I’ve been living with the spectre of suicide since I was 8, I’ve hated life since then.Â Â I saw my grandfather lying in the casket, and everyone was crying, I didn’t understand until I went over and told grandpa to wake up… he didn’t wake up.
Grandpa was just sitting there, not moving.Â I didn’t understand why he wasn’t getting up.Â I kept hoping he would get up, thinking that he was just asleep, but he was too still.Â In my little mind, I knew he was too still.Â I learned about […]
Warning: May Ramble
Note: as I type this, I feel calm and acceptance of this
For the past five days, I felt a lot like Noble Six. Crap starts showing up, the ones you’re freinds with are gone, and you’re stuck dealing with a Massive amount of problems.
Unlike Spartan B-312 though, I wasn’t fighting Covenant to save others, I was fighting to save myself. If for no other reason than to fufill a random dream; that of me helping others ready to quit, helping them back on their feet to fight back against the crappy dog-eat-dog world of today.
The past five days were my worst; always […]
I’m pretty much as broken and useless as it’s possible to be. I can’t do anything right – not exaggerating, it’s the truth. I’m barely human and don’t really do the things that normal humans do or feel the way normal humans feel. When I’m hurt or frustrated I get angry – but real people don’t feel anger, don’t express those things. Real people are happy most of the time, not unhappy or angry most of the time. I’m just wrong. Broken. Unfit for human consumption. God I wish my mother had aborted me. What is the point of me? There is none. The worst […]
I found a dead bird in my front yard the other day.
Normally, I wouldn’t be so caught up on this one animal because to be honest I really don’t like birds (long story) but this particular bird was different.
It started with my cousin’s apparent death that is encroaching more and more rapidly with each day.
My cousin, Zachariah, has been my paralyazed from the neck down since he was seventeen in a motocross accident. At first he was still the same cousin I loved, still able to move around in his electric wheel chair which he would always give me rides on whenever I wanted. He […]
I just woke up. Im surprised I shortly fell asleep actually. It’s now 2:1o am. I was up for 2 days to celebrate queensday (big dutch holiday). I slept for about 4 hours I guess. I started crying the minute after I woke up and found the nerves to turn around. I felt literally frozen. I guess I had a bad dream.Â Cant really remember. All I know is that I really want to smoke some weed. But I’m afraid of the dark (yes Im a baby) and for some reason Im too scared to even get out of bed to pee.
I really want to […]
My List Of Kickass Music That Some Of You May Like:
1. Tricky-Wash My Soul
4. Massive Attack-Dissolved Girl
5. Massive Attack-Risingson
6. Massive Attack-Live With Me
8. Portishead-Wandering Star
9. Portishead-Glory Box
10. Silversun Pickups-Lazy Eye
11. Silversun Pickups-Rusted Wheel
12. Silversun Pickups-Catch and Release
13. Azam Ali-In Other Worlds
This List Is Songs I’ve Been Listening To For The PastÂ Month. I Love Them Like Friggin Crazy