Um hi I’m 14 and for the past three years I have had severe anxiety that has gotten gradually worse. It got horrible the second year, my seventh grade year, and I missed half the school year(but I still got As&Bs haha). When the level of my anxiety increases I have really bad panic attacks, I am nonstop sobbing, uncontrollably screaming, I get severe stomach aches, headaches, nausea, I vomit(alot), I start hyperventilating, shaking, twitching, I sometimes loose feeling in my hands/feet, my period cramps get worse, and the list goes on. My mom used to yell “you’re doing this to yourself”&”its all in your head”&”shut up […]
Tag:
worse
I’m thankful for a place where you can vent about the darkness of the soul,
and the tragic sufferings of life.
I am truly thankful for the responses.
I had this idea in my head about how much worse things could get in just one day,
but it works the other was just the same.
If you must go know it’s ok,
and if you must stay again know it’s ok.
I hope you all have the ability to dream,
and the fortune of friends.
Each day I slip further and further into the pits of hell. I am physically living but feel as if I walk around this universe as a ghost no one can see me no one can hear me just me and my thoughts. I was a victim of child abuse like many others. I started getting teased and picked on in 1 grade and every day and year after because I was always a little bigger. I was put down so much I never knew how to love myself. As I got older I looked and looked for that love never found it.
When I […]
So I told my psychiatrist about my overdose a couple weeks ago; they now know of three of my suicide attempts. And each time they haven’t done squat to help me. Yet again I was told of  the dangers it can cause my liver and all that, he asked my how likely it was that I’d try again. I said there’s a 50/50 chance I would. So I was basically telling her that I probably, almost more than certain would do it again. So what did she do? Tell my mum what happened and tell her to remove all medication from the house; […]
I was here and then I left, hoping something had changed that didn’t.
Now I’m back and I just don’t know what to say anymore.
Third time’s the charm, though. For better or worse, something is going to happen this time around.
So hi guys.
Would anyone mind talking a while?
Somehow I always end up back here. When I tell people it makes things worse or things stay the same. Yet I’m here. Yet I’m here.
My mom hid her gun. I’m not very happy about that.
I need help. But I don’t know what to do. Am I waiting for someone to help me? Or is this my pathetic attempt at wanting to help myself? I don’t know. I don’t know.
Would you rather have a second chance in life like reincarnation after death or is the idea of there being nothing else after death more preferable? I personally am living a life of regrets so getting an opportunity to start again in another life is a comforting thought in some ways, like a clean slate. On the other hand however, there’s no way of knowing what circumstances you’ll be born into, it might be worse than the first life.
but i guess it makes my problems less important
every few days i find the idea of a drug addict life more and more attractive
maybe the short lived thrill seems better than no thrill at all
i want to be in partial control. experience “happiness” and do it over again
then when i get tired of it, do my big finale
sounds stupid but thats what i want. i gave up on wanting the better things. odds are slim and get slimmer every day
i cant explain it. i dont want anything. i want to die
So, if you read my previous post, “A New Low”, you’ll understand the title and the following post.
So, I wasn’t fired from my job. Instead, they have decided to make my life so unbearably miserable that I want to quit. Today, literally, no one spoke to me. I would initiate conversation or ask a question and no one would respond. Unless I died and I just haven’t realized it, I would think that the least people could do is answer questions so that I could go about doing my miserable job. If i’m wrong, by all means, please point it out. I’m not being provided […]
Some say it’s all or none. Others say something is better than nothing. Which is it? I get so mad at myself for accepting the unacceptable, but when I cut people out of my life I regret it. I have no life essentially. No family, and one good friend (who doesn’t have the time of day for me because she does have a family). After being depressed for about 20 years, I don’t believe it gets better, I believe this is my life and I need to accept that. I am not meant to have or experience things that others do. I am right where […]
No but really I’m having the worst anxiety attack right now. And to add to it my mother wants to come into the session with me so she can meet the doctor. Now, I don’t have a problem with that because that’s what we’ve normally done for the past 4 crazy doctors, I just hope she isn’t going to make me out to be a basket case that needs to be seen every day…since, well, I am getting worse.
Sorry, I just don’t know what to do anymore. It gets to the point where you’re fucked over one too many times and they say “keep your head […]
Yesterday I decided to make a tumblr, and I feel like I can express myself there betrer than here on this site. So probably I will be less on this site. I’ll try to give an update once in a while, but forgive me if I don’t.
i kept telling myself that if i got sober all my relationship problems would change. And they did… but not the way I wanted them too. Now that I have relapsed its even worse than before. The arguments the fist fights…. it’s all back ten fold. And now that i rebuilt relationships with my mom and sisters I don’t necessarily want to die because I don’t want to hurt them but I can’t handle this relationship up and down and pain every day. And at the end of it all it’s all my fault for being a selfish addict and no matter how much I […]
I don’t even know how many suicide attempts i’ve had, it only makes things worse when you don’t succeed.
People want to know why, you get sent to specialists and quite frankly, they’re a load of horse sh*t, putting faith in these people isn’t something i feel comfortable with, they don’t want to give you medication and when they do, they give you the wrong one, or they neglect to tell you that it’s addictive.
Right now i’ve got some anti anxiety medication, it’s started to kick in but the only thing it has done is make me want to clean, then  get stressed about mess, i’m […]
I cannot understand a world that makes children feel like they need to end their own lives to stop the pain. I cannot understand how parents fail to take the time to give a shit about what their kids are going through, or worse, torment them, abuse them, and belittle them! I cannot understand people who put down others in an attempt to make themselves feel better. I cannot understand a fucking thing!
T if you are still here please check your email and call me. Please let me know you are safe.
Yes I am a cutter it’s how I deal with certain major problems a few months ago my life was going great now it’s taken a turn for the wiser my emotions are like a land mine and it dosent take much to trigger them if you don’t know me by now I’m Jason or Day whichever you want to call me is fine. I have been suicidal at a very young age and it’s only gotten worse I have drank so many chemicals in attempts to a true release but all have failed I always end up throwing the chemicals back up i am […]
You know what I hate so much? When people know that a person is suicidal, self harming, or even really just feeling down, and some asshole thinks it’s alright to push it even deeper. When I was in 7th grade, I was suicidal. This girl was talking shit behind my back about how she was only pretending to be my friend. That- ugh! It’s horrible! Even now, I’m dealing with depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm, and anxiety. And I still get that kind of bullshit! My cousin, knows that it irritates me when he hits me. He hits me on my upper arm, which is […]
I am over fifty and instead of getting wiser in the past few years I have instead pretty much ruined everything with my stupid behavior as well as this damned depression that never really goes away. For at least twenty years I have really wondered why I should keep on existing, but on the other hand, I am not brave enough to “do something rash.” That is another failing, wanting to die but afraid to bite a bullet or jump in front of a train. And I am even worried about what people would think of me for doing something like that. So I keep […]
Ignore me like disease
A ghost you choose not to see
Pretend I’m not there because
Shortly I won’t be
Maybe you thought I was stronger
That I could live through it
That the lies you spoke no longer linger
And instead I found peace
But you’re wrong, dead wrong
I’m just better at hiding it
The pain you put me through
Gave me much needed guidance
Trust no one
Believe in nothing
And the day will soon come
Where you feel nothing
No pain, no hurt, no sorrow
Maybe emptiness is a better way of living
Keep my heart beating is all you asked […]
I’ve been struggling with my body for so long. Ever since I was a little girl, I was always the “fattest” kid around. I got made fun of a lot, but I moved on, as a little child would. Now it’s worse. I can’t stare at myself in a mirror for longer than 2 seconds. I have gotten bullied by others, for being ugly and fat. I have no friends. At school I am the last pick for everything, and everyone hates me. I try to be nice to everyone, but for every nice thing I say twenty bad things are said about me. I […]