im so fucking tired of life. i really am. i just feel like the days are getting worse, and worse. And nothings gonna change. This past week I’ve found myself thinking about running away, or filling up my bath tub, and falling asleep in it. Or hanging myself in the bathroom, and im basically just trying to say, im really tired of life. im tired of me, an i really wish it could get better, but I no its not going to be..so I just want to end it. I just want it to end. I’m tired of going to school, and always feeling […]
Tag:
worse
Hi everyone. 🙂
The short version of this is I might not be on SP as much in the future. The longer version is just a vent about everything that’s been going on lately.
It seems surreal to me that only a couple of months ago I was texting a friend to say I thought I was starting to recover from depression. I’ve said it twice in the last five to six years. Things started to get worse again this time when my ME/CFS got worse. That seems to be improving now, although it’s been up and down lately, but the depression is still going downhill.
I cut […]
Regarding my last post, and the whole tumblr situation. I seem to have lost my two best friends. I’d had these friends (my only friends) for 4, nearing 5 years. They had stuck by me through everything. Following this quarrel with my guy ‘friend’, I seem to have taken my anger out on them, and now they’re gone.
I feel terrible. Nothing could go much worse right about now. The two people in the whole world that could make me happy no matter what had happened are gone. I’ve lost them. I pushed them away. I ruined things for myself.
I have quite literally burned down everything […]
I know i am posting a lot, i am so fed up of my life, its getting worse everyday. I cant cope anymore. My life has no point or meaning. i just cry all the time. im in so much pain and need it to end
it could always get worse, and it did…my bf broke up with me because im a piece of shit and i need help, and im just bringing him down.
It’s been 7 weeks today since I woke up from my failed attempt. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression most my life. Since going to college it has gotten worse. This past semester, I was kick out of my suite because my roommates didn’t feel safe with me, because I got high twice. Of course having anxiety, I didn’t cope well with the change. I lost my best friend, I was struggling a lot and I just wanted to end it all. I took some pills, but I ended up waking up really sick. It was horrible. Things haven’t really gotten better. Everyday is hard […]
I’ve tried to die three separate times and needless to say, I’m still here. It seems like my pain has gotten worse this year. I truly feel like I’ve been cursed. I don’t trust ANYONE cause I’ve been used time and time again. It seems like the people that cause hurt and pain don’t suffer. I just can’t do anything right. No one cares or understands. Not looking for pity I just want to escape.
From the bottom of my heart, I see a man I wanna be but couldn’t be.
by Rotted_Flesh
written by Rotted_Flesh
You want me to be the best that I could be
When you never showed me the very best that you could be.
From the bottom of my heart,
I see a man I wanna be but couldn’t be.
You are nothing like me.
I know you’re watching me watch you fail.
I can see the look in your eyes, you’re getting pale.
Please lose your blues or know that I don’t give a fuck, I could live without you.
Please lose your blues.
Time and time again I wanted to tell you I love you,
I forgive you, but I can’t hold you.
Oh god what […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Hello all. 🙂
I tried to keep this short – and failed. I just needed to rant. Not about anything in particular. I seriously need some sleep, so please forgive any bad writing.
Today I used my wheelchair for the first time. It’s on loan for six weeks. Who knows, maybe in that time I’ll get outside more and it’ll help me start to feel less depressed. I’ve been so much worse lately, and I think spending more time in the house and with relatively little natural light has caused a lot of that.
This evening I went to a local light-themed festival. People make installations, play music […]
I just need to pick a date already. I could do next week on the 11th, it’ll make it a year since the rape. I could do the last day of 2015, or on my birthday in January. I can’t be here anymore. I have absolutely no purpose in life. I think about suicide every single day. I wake up thinking about it it’s the only thing that consistently stay on my mind. I’m in school but I’m pretty much failing to the point where I’m on academic probation. If I do bad this semester there kicking me out. I used to do so well. […]
I don’t know what to do. I want to so bad, I want to just quit, but they called me selfish, they called me an attention-seeker and that’s just made it worse. I’m done. I’m giving up, giving in. I don’t care anymore. Why should I care what they say if I’m just going to die anyway? I’ve thought about it for three days now so don’t fucking tell me I can’t.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/07-Six.m4a
I know that a lot of you probably don’t like screamo, or just can’t understand it, but I was playing some songs I haven’t listened to in a while, and this hit just a little bit too close to home. It reminds me of my ex, and weirdly enough, the girl I’m chasing right now. It isn’t healthy to feel this way, but sometimes it feels so good to just hurt. Anything is better than the numbness I feel each day, which steals all the happiness away, along with my pain. Thanks to anybody who takes the time to read. I know that people […]
I want to commit the gravest of all crimes, I want to kill someone…. myself; my last act on earth will be to murder thy self, my own self-destruction.
Why? Well, when life gets to a point where there’s no real pleasure left, just struggle, then surely it’s time to go. I see those around me having such a good life and as I approach 50 I feel the time has finally arrived. I know that if I keep going I will always live in the shadows wishing I was dead, I don’t want that, better to get it over and done with. Knowing there will […]
You like Iris by the GooGooDolls, A Drop In The Ocean by Ron Pope, who like because he’s just so genuine, you like You’re Beautiful by James Blunt because it’s just a classic, and for anybody to not have heard it is a tragedy. You love to sail, but don’t think it’s a sport, same thing with golf except you don’t play golf. You quite pop a while  ack, but when you did drink it you liked Mountain Dew the best. You sand that Italian song for choir last year because when it’s translated it means so  much to you. You used to watch Supernatural […]
When you keep opening up and giving someone your all, then they turn around and fuck you over every time, it slowly starts to take a toll on you. You start losing pieces of yourself, and friends start to leave you. You slowly start to hate yourself because of what you’ve turned into and you eventually get pushed to the edge and slowly start falling off into a downward spiral of tears and other horrible things. You know they are the only one that can help you because they are the only one you want, but every time you just get hurt worse […]
I grew up in a psychologically and often physically abusive household with my biomom and an overbearing 6 foot 7 “step dad” who would make me work my fingers to the bone and pick on me etc. from a small child, I was close to my grandparents and begged and pleaded with my biomom and stephitler to let me live with my grandparents. They finally did to my suprize.
Problem was, my dad was there and at that time was very physically abusive when he was drinking. When my grandfather died in December 1995, the abuse got worse. My grandma tried to stand up to him […]
So I’ve been stepped up to “Home treatment” team. Which is laughable because the situation I’m in at the moment means no one can actually visit me at home, because it would actually cause more stress and end in too many questions (can’t really explain more than that).
They’ve basically said I can meet with the home team once they call me (should be tonight or tmro) and I’ll have access to the crisis house in my city if they feel it’s needed.
I just want to die. Its getting worse.
I’ve been honest with my partner they know I’m suicidal, they’ve said I should find something to […]
I.. ugh.. everything’s getting worse.. i could use someone..
Text me or kik me.. please.. its in a previous post..