I struggle every day with mental illness. The type thats never quite medicated correctly. I am also a recovering alcoholic. I could never bring myself to go to AA, I just stopped so that I didnt lose my family. I think about how my whole life has always been about waiting and how I have made stupid choices to try and make a quick new outcome and how its just dug me deeper into this pit. I was raised Catholic, so there was always that fear of  hellfire, but then I wised up and realized it was probably bullshit. We may or may not be here for a reason, but one thing I can say is that we do impact others, not only in our actions, but in our presence. I was severely suicidal until I was about 19 when I became pregnant with my first son. I now am 35 and have 3 sons. My oldest is now a LOT like me. I read what a lot of the other members write and I see that my biggest focus has to be him. I do not want to lose my sons like this, so I will not let them lose me like this.  Everyone has purpose. Everyone!  If not to your parents, its to your friends, your kids, and if none of the above, its your presence in this world. The fact we are all so sad just shows we give a damn, and we can help someone, anyone-  even if its a kid 10,000 miles away that doesnt even have clean water to drink. We dont know what lies out there after this, but you never do know what will happen while we are residing on this godforsaken mudball we call earth. I think I will take a walk in the woods since its slightly less cold out. Â
ps. the new series COSMOS on nat geo, or fox….watch it. it may make you feel better. just for an hour, at least 🙂
4 comments
If we’re here, logic demands that there be a reason why – maybe not in the metaphysical sense most people think about when they think about reasons and ultimate questions. But we are here. I don’t think anyone needs to know the reason why to know that living better tomorrow than you did today is a good idea.
I haven’t heard of this Cosmos show, though – any relation to Carl Sagan’s epic series of epicness? Because if so, blasphemy! Only Carl Sagan can do Cosmos. 😛 But I’ll check it out anyhow because I’m a Saganite and it’s kinda required. Haha…
Yes, lorax- this new Cosmos is a modern take on the original Sagan series. I am also a Saganite, but very much a fan of Neil deGrasse Tyson. Hope you like it!
Are we not all here by an accidental chain of events that kick started evolution? The fact that the Earth was the perfect distance from the Sun to inhabit life and that the gases in our air spread in such a way that it gave the Earth an atmosphere capable of keeping the strongest sun rays out and water from evaporating into space thereby allowing us to live. Then, the fact that two specific people met at a specific time and copulated on a specific date in order to make you. Sure, this all sounds like we’re all born uniquely however, we are merely unique accidents. Just like a plane crash and a car crash; both accidents, both unique and both needing to be cleaned up. Identically to the car and the plane, I see myself as an accident needing to be cleaned up.
~A Cannibal Baby
An accident or the result of? I think the key is to let go of the self and to fall in love with the beauty of life AND death. We may not be “special” in a god-made sort of way, but we still have a microcosm we inhabit. Somewhere, somehow, your actions made a difference and it doesnt matter if they were good or bad- just that they were. It took me a loooong time to learn to be in the moment. Its still hard, when I experience the same shit, different day- as far as accidents go- accidents do not HAVE to be cleaned up, we choose to clean them up, and not all accidents are bad!!!