…how one person can affect your life so much. I pride myself in being a strong person. I always have been. No one’s words have ever hurt me. Except… for one person. He broke my heart, left me with nothing. Called me names. Said I wasted months of his life. I found that he was the one person whom I can’t fight. He’s also the one person that can make me hurt like no one else can. He’s also the only person that can make me feel weak. It’s not healthy to have him in my life. That much I’ve figured out. But I’ve also realized life isn’t worth living without him by my side. I thought time was the only cure, but I’ve realized things are only getting worse as time goes on. Thanks to him my mood has changed a lot, and I’ve lost three of my best friends because of arguments I probably started. Being a “strong” person, I won the arguments, causing the friendships to end. I don’t want this to happen anymore. I’ve changed too much because of one guy I can’t stop loving, even though I’m pretty sure he wants me dead. As I said, things are only getting worse. And I feel I’m slowly giving up…
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Why do you want to live with a jerk like him?! I just don’t get it at all. I think that loving someone who mistreat you isn’t called love but obsession! :/
It probably is. It’s just difficult to get over him, a lot more so than other relationships.
Strength is not flexibility. If you aren’t flexible then you are brittle. He found your weak point a *pow*. You broke. When things were sunny and warm he protected that weak point and you remember that feeling. Now he’s gone and he left in a highly dickish way.
I know you must be replaying every detail of your relationship in your head constantly. You are going to have to let go. Not permanently but for a little while. Just give yourself space. Memories of him are clogging things up. There are other parts of your brain that need exercise. Go fondle a kitten or sing or dance or balance a checkbook. Yes, everything reminds you of him. That’s OK. Clench your left hand into a fist and look at it. Now slowly open your hand. Pretend that the pain of that moment is flying away. Then check to see if anyone around you is looking worriedly at you. If so, smile at them. Evil grin is optional. This process will put your broken pieces back together.
After you have some time to breathe you can go back to your memories. Feel free to dig around. New insights will occur to you. Things will make more sense. This process will temper you.
Once tempered you will be stronger, especially at your weak point. Tempering also grants flexibility, so future blows will not break you. Yes, you will be rattled and bounced and even bent by future calamities, but never again broken.
One day you will become so strong and flexible you will shed every blow. You will be deadly, aware, and completely self sufficient. That is the day you will meet someone who is your true equal. Your love together will simply be one more great thing in a rich and full life.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write that. It means a lot. And thank you for understanding. I’ll think about everything you said 🙂
Moar hugs! Hugs for everyone!
I agree with what @SeeSmith said. Everything. Especially the evil grin part.
I will definitely take the evil grin into consideration.
You deserve a guy who loves you don’t give up try to move on and yes it does take time maybe more time than you think he’s a jerk ur Prince Charming will come one day
Thank you. 🙂
“I’ve lost three of my best friends because of arguments I probably started. Being a “strong” person, I won the arguments, causing the friendships to end.” Fucking hilarious. Some people are such sore losers. They act like a victim, you point out the times they wronged you, but which you had previously decided to move past, and then they call you names and turn into a bleeding heart victim again. If they weren’t so determined to always be “right” and never admit when they’re wrong, they could have admitted their faults and maybe the friendship could have been repaired. (Hey, I always try to admit when I’m wrong, if I have proof that I was wrong, that is.)
Eh. Maybe it’s just best not to hang around with people who make you feel like starting arguments because *they* were being dramatic, inconsiderate, or difficult.
That’s true. And yeah, I don’t really hang out with people that make me want to start arguments anymore. Kinda already left them, haha.
That sounds more like obsession, because you can see the damage he does, everything he has taken away from you, and still don’t realize that it’s just a one sided love. I have someone close to me that has been in that same situation for 27 years, and trust me, the more you hang on to it, the more difficult it is to break away from it. Just one thing… have you asked yourself, what does it make him so special, and so different from the other 7.something billions of people on earth? there’s always the possibility to find someone better, less abusive, and that is actually a good influence for you, but in order for that to happen you have to let go of this toxic person.
Wild guess here, but did your friends leave because of that guy? if that’s the case… well… they might be a bit right, even if you won those arguments. Sorry if i sounded harsh in any of this, but you already see what this guy is doing to you… it’s only up to you to break away from it and look for better horizons. I wish you luck, and if i offended you in anyway, i’m sorry.
That’s true. It’s just hard to get over this one person, but I hope I will eventually. And yes, actually, one of them did leave because of a disagreement about this guy. Thank you for what you said 🙂
Talk to me if you need to Jenna. We’ve known each other long enough…I hope you know talking to me is always an option