Over the past month, i have written several notes. They all begin will the word sorry. Because even when im thinking about death, i am worried about offending or hurting others. I dont know why I am even writing this. I kind of want to feel like someone is listening, im not sure. Ive been so sad lately. Ive fallen into this hole of depression. Last time i was this deep was 4 years ago. I dont know how i got out honestly. Its not that i want to die or anything, its just that i dont want to live.
Im in love with this boy. Hes the only one who knows the extent of my depression, because hes also my best friend. And one of my friends ex boyfriends. But i have been in love with him for 5 years. And ive been too afraid to say anything. But hes saved me twice so far. The notes i write are mainly for his benefit. I wouldnt write one for any one else. Hes the only reason i would feel bad about leaving.
If you want to hear more im obviously willing to tell more, but i already feel like im annoying someone by writing this.
9 comments
Maybe you are annoying someone. But not everyone and probably not most of us. Don’t be afraid to say what you have to say.
Is this boy involved with someone? Maybe you should try telling him how you really feel.
I think I will tell him. He isnt involved with anyone right now, but I am still close with his ex, and i dont really know how he feels about that. But i guess only he can tell me
Why are you afraid to say anything? Five years is a long time. How old are you, if you don’t mind?
I really dont want to ruin the friendship we have. I know hes not the type of person to care or reject me cruelly but I still worry about losing him
You sound like a sincere thoughtful and compassionate human being. I notice maybe you always put others either ahead of you or value then more than yourself maybe? Maybe a codependent anonymous local group can help with this and find those than can relate to you. We need more sincere people like you in this world. I hope you stay strong and love yourself a lot more.be well and once again stay strong
Totally with you @Mnt!
I would love to hear more. Please
It sounds like we feel pretty similar in some areas
Hi
You should talk honestly to this man you love. He can help you.
And you are not annoying people. You are a sweet!
I feel like I would hurt him by telling him I still want to kill myself. I dont want to make him feel any pain or distress from something I am going through, you know? And I am so worried about him not returning my feelings. It would really suck if my 5 years go completely unreturned, or if he doesnt want to talk to me after I say something.