When I lost me

It all started in Jan of 2001 I had a house fire and lost everything, actualy it started way before that with the abuse as a child from my grandfather, then later with my 2 ex husbands. But in Jan 2001 was the start of me lossing myself. It was a usual day I had got the kids ready for school, the night before I had a arguement with my husband about his drinking and his stealing my sons ridalin. So it wasn’t a good start to my day to begin with. I went to work ended up a hour later getting a call from the police.My boss had someone drive me. I was devestated everything was gone. We had just bought the house 6 months prior and I had just gotten married and sold my mobil home cause my new husband didn’t like it cause it was mine not ours or his i should say. Anyways as days went on after the fire I got more and more weary and stressed with dealing with the insurance company,trying to maintain my family routine and work. Then on top of it all dealing with my new husband that had been abusing drugs and alchohol and said it was my fault for the drugs which was my sons ridilin that i didn’t hide it well enough, i even got a safe to put it in, and that didn’t work i didn’t hide the key well enough. So i ended up talking to the school and he only took his meds there. As weeks went by I ended up having episodes where i couldn’t remember anything i just as i call it shut down. my parents got worried and had me see a specialist they thought it was seizures, things got worse with my husband and more abusive to the poit i tried to cut my wrists one day while house was empty i took a bunch of ambbian and good thing i was so out of it to cut very well. and also good that my friend decided to come by and check on me. I was hospitalized for a few weeks. and soon after i got out i left my husband. It is 8 years later and I am still coping with all that happened in the past some days are good others are tough. I was in a relationship 2 years ago with a man who became abusive and i left. Now I am with someone that I am not affraid of, for the first time in my life i am not affraid i can open up to him and i do not fear he will hurt me, he is a very good listener. he has his faults but i am not affraid to tell him when things bother me. he is a little controlling and a little possesive but he is trying to wrok on that and not be. I hope my story helps someone else I am glad i didn’t go through with suisude i would not have seen my daughter graduate college and would not have seen my new grandbaby comming. Yes i still struggle but i don’t think of ending it anymore. it is hard someday to cope cause i can’t afford to get help or meds but my husband is helping me cope the best he can.