My boyfriend/soulmate committed suicide 4 months ago. I made him my life for the past 7 years. His depression and desperation got the best of him. As I lay here writing this I can’t help but feel his depression overcoming me, and the need to be with him. I don’t want to leave my house, I feel what is the point. I am in counselling, its not helping. I am slowly withering away. My friends have all abandoned me. I don’t want to be pityed, I am tired of people looking at me and knowing they are thinking “poor-thing.” I just lost my job (not because of anything I did), and have’nt been able to tell anyone because I have no one to tell. I think back of how happy I was with him and know that no one will ever take his place in my life. This is a constant minute by minute battle. I don’t think I have what it takes to do what he did (end his life). I am all alone, all the time. The friends I had are judging me and I know they are thinking that its my fault and they don’t understand my grieving the way I have.
7 comments
No, those are not real friends…true friends would be by ur side every step of the way getting u thru all that ur going thru becuz of ur love that had past of depression, i may not kno u but i’m here if u ever need help.
No he wouldn’t want you to do that
what you’re going through is terrible and if i had to go through the same thing i think i would be lucky to have lasted 4 months and i consider myself mentally strong (having survived over half a life of bullying and depression) but i dont even compare to you. Your story touched me and im sure your soulmate still watches over you, he’s still with you you know? you may not be able to see him but i bet you can feel him and his memory will always be with you so in a way he is still alive :). If you even need a chat feel free to message me.
Thank you so much, its so hard everyday. But it is nice that someone is listening to me.
I have read so many books about what happens to him after he dies, its almost become an obsession. Its the only thing keeping me going, reading book after book. It prevents my mind from going crazy. I will continue my quest to have contact with him through meditation.
what did you discover?
What have I discovered? I’ve discovered that if I took my life, I would still have to deal with the pain and the suffering on the other side. I miss my baby so very much, and I am so blessed and thankful for his family who have stepped in and showed me so much love. I really wouldn’t know where I would be without their support. His birthday just passed and I celebrated it as much as I could.
I still miss him and feel that no one will ever replace him aor the love that I feel for him, but I trying to focus on myself innerly.
I believe fully that suicides should not be shunned upon in this society, instead it should be talked about openly. There were so many signs that I really should have paid more attention to, but nobody ever thinks that anyone, more importantly someone so close to you is capable of such an act. I miss my baby so much and I hope and pray and say good night and i love him every night before I go to bed, as I will continue to do so….RIP CP xoxoxo