defective?

I’ve went through my whole life feeling like I was different from everyone else. I knew I was smarter than the grades I got through every grade of school. When I went to college I failed out in two semesters. I just have nomotivation to do anything and it seems like it gets worse as time goes on. I can’t find a job because I have criminal history, so I’m leaching off of my dad. The fact that no one else my age is in the position I am makes me feel like I’m lagging behind, destined to fail. Most of the time I barely have energy to get out of bed and shower or eat. The one girl I thought would be with me through everything is gone, a five year waste of life. All I have learned in life so far is that some people are just made to suceed and others like me are defective. We slip in and out of peoples lives without them seeming to care. Eventully the mask that you use starts to blur and you don’t. Know who you are anymore. I’ve learned that the world is a harsh place where the main focus is yourself. No one is sincere and few care about the values they apear to have. I think that it would be my duty to prevent more problems that would be caused in other peoples lives by having to come in contact with me. So many so calledfriends and family are always happier when I’m not around. Even when I am they just ignore me or tease me. I don’t want to deal with this thing people call life if all it is is pain and suffering with a few moments of satisfaction to string you along and try to keep you from offiing yourself.