The first step

My story really starts out when I was about 7 years old. I didn’t discover this fact about me till the past few weeks. I was touched by my grandfather. He use to tickle me but I never wanted to think him tickling me was bad. It all use to always be bad dreams until a week ago. We I was in the hospital I started thinking about my dreams. And the dream was always my grandfather would tickle me but stick his hand down my pants and so on. My grandma would always tell him to stop. But I never wanted to think it happened. I wanted it always to stay a bad dream. But I know now I needed to be realistic with it. So I sat down and it turned out my grandfather touched me.

That only was the beginning though. In about fifth grade I started hanging out with “older” guys. Just hang out kiss and that’s it. Until I enter six grade being “in love” with one of those guys. Erik was the perfect guy skinny, blonde hair, blue eyes, tall, great smile. But some how I got mixed up and started letting this “love” I thought we had go farther and farther. I use to sneak out to see him. I would sneak him in and he would put me on top of him and tell me to dry hump him. I honestly had know idea what I was getting my self into. And I can remember it like it was yesterday when he slipped off my shirt. And toke my bra off. I was still in a training bra. I let him do it though because I thought he would love me. But soon his love went farther and he invited me over. And he started off by letting me smoke with him and then he toke of my clothing. He undid his pants and started having sex with me. All I could think about was backing up and trying to get out of the house. But I keep hitting my head against the wall. He didn’t stop until he was done. And the only thing he said to me before I left was good job. I felt scared and didn’t know what to do. Then again I didn’t stop having sex with him. Because it keep him around. Until one day are condom broke. Thank the lord I did not get pregnant but after that happened he didn’t talk to me again..

You would think I would have stopped but I didn’t. I have had with about eight guys already and I’m a freshman. Some of the guys where nicer then others but a lot of them weren’t. One of the guys I dated we lasted seven months the whole time I was lying to him about my age telling him I was 16 when I was 12. And at the end of the relationship I told him I was pregnant to keep him around. Soon enough though I felt the guilt and told him how sorry I was that I lied to him and I shouldn’t have lied about my age or about having his kid. An I can still hear to this day the six letter word that he said to me was insane. He keep repeating him self. About how crazy I was. After him I had my first night stand with a boy. His mom walked in on us. And he told her I was his current girlfriend but he used a different name. He was ashamed to even call me by my real name.

To make it worse about the next year, I met a really cool guy named kyle. But to find out he didn’t think of me to be a friend. He told me we were going to go see a movie. And he ended up parking in a parking lot and taking my clothes off and you can guys what happened. I tried to ignore that it happened. I didn’t tell anyone and to be honest this is the first time any one will ever know about this.

The next guy I guess to say was 22 years old I was 13. he said I should have sex with him. And at that point I lost all respect of my self any ways so I didn’t care. And we did but I one night I was at my dads in Lansing and he lived right down the street. He told me to sneak out to see him so I did. But he told me he was going to pierce my lip for me when I went out. That was the deal. But instead of doing that he grabbed me pushed me against a building. I couldn’t scream I just looked at him and cried. I said no please. I tried saying I was on my period and he had sex with me the other way. And said I love you. And told me he had to go home. So I sat down against that wall held my self and cried. I soon got up brushed it off and went back in my house and fell asleep. I tried saying it was a bad dream. And it always turned out to be kinda like that. I would be able to push it off. But the guy I thought loved me got put in jail. And for some stupid reason left his facebook up and his parents read everything. And they called my parents.

After that, I for sure lost all hope in myself about a week later I was caught for shoplifting. And I got lucky enough for them not to put it on my record. But if that wasn’t bad enough I found out my friends started cutting and it got so bad I couldn’t look at her. She had them all up her legs and arms. And I had enough so I told the consular. You people out there might think that was a wrong move. But I know it was a right move. She currently is know longer my friend because of that but I saved her life. That was my middle school years.

The summer of 2011 got me 4 pregnancy scares with the same guy named Adam. We were in love he met all my family. And everything was great between us. Till he started smoking pot. Then And I mean those people were nice when there were clean. I know this because I had them all over my house to hang out we would watch movies. Or I would have there backs if they needed somewhere to stay. But one day, Adam thought I was having a thing behind his back. And he became abusive. He would get made hit me. Push me swear at me. And it got so bad once I called one of his friends to come get him. His best friend SAM. Because he thought me and SAM had a thing. But we didn’t so I tried getting SAM to come over and help me convince Adam that we didn’t have a thing. But Adam dumped me a week later. And didn’t want anything to do with me. Because he didn’t believe me. I let go of him.. and tried living life to the fullest summer ended great. But school started and homecoming came around and there was my friends brother he toke me to homecoming. And he got mad at me because I told him I would not date him. So he started putting stuff on facebook about me. And started getting mad all the time and yelled at me. I let him go easy but I lost my best friend over her brothers lies. To end my story that puts me at my first post. Halloween night. I seen SAM he hung out with my friends boyfriend. So me and my friend went to her boyfriends house hung out. Sam came in through me against the bed and felt me up. And this is were my first post begins.

I’ve been called every name in the book. And I have changed please respect me posting my story and if you don’t like please don’t comment. Place and names have been changed for safety.. Thank you.. if you like please leave comments ill keep everyone who reads updated.