2012….Great.

let me start by saying, i tried to kill myself in 2003 by slitting my wrists, i made a mistake of doing it outside and i made such a scene that i was found before i could end what i had started (pity).I have never spoken to any of my friends about that night.The only person who knows what happened is me so i hope i press publish (Which will be a big moment for me ).Roll forward to 2012 and the battle inside is in full flow.I havent had a job since 2003 either which hasnt helped me (i have something wrong with me which makes it nearly impossible for anyone to employ me).Ive already decided on a date and place for the end however im gonna have one more last throw of the dice of life.There isnt one thing that has set me off, its more too many things in my life are gone and its taken alittle part of me with it each time.It was new years eve couple of days ago and out of the 9 new years since my failed attempt, ive spent every single one on my own.On the outside everything seems to be fine with me but inside im fighting, i am losing the war slowly but surely.Most of my friends have got kids or are married, they are settled and all that, so i cant go to them about my problems cause they have their own life’s to live and anyways, i dont wanna bother them.Everyone seams to be so happy compared to me!.Im sorry if this post is all over the place, im just throwing out my feelings however they come out.My life is the same crap everyday, day in and day out.I go to sleep crying and wake up crying.Theres no one for me to hold, no one for me to cuddle, no one to keep warm, no one to cry/laugh/smile/talk with and i dont believe there ever will be.I dont have the chance to meet new people or a girlfriend.One more chance…………….