I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m down to the bottom again. Even though I’m surrounded by tons of people everyday, I feel more alone now than ever. I was raped when I was little. And since then I’ve been having nightmares. But lately the nightmares have gotten so bad that I can’t sleep but when I finally do cry myself to sleep, I just wake up crying everytime. So I started to cut and burn. I still do sometimes. It’s the only thing that helps anymore. Sometimes I just cut to see how much blood will come out or I wonder which spot I’d have to cut to have so much blood come out that I die. I’ve thought about suicide so many times before. I want to do it. I want to end this pain that I have. I just sit here everyday and I cry. I’ve gotten into fights with all my best friends and they won’t even talk to me anymore. I feel so broken inside. I feel like my life is falling to peices and I can’t put them back together again. I just want to feel happy again. Truely happy.
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howdy welcome to SP where the cool kids hang out 😉
Im sorry to hear Forever.
How old are you now may i ask?
Did you speak with someone when it all happened, ie a therapist, parent. doctor?
Just remember, we have no control over what happens to us when we are young. Yu have to understand this.
The mind is like a tape/cd/tv …if you keep replaying ‘the same program’ in your head over and over, then not only will you get bored, but also not move on to ‘better life experiences’.
Don’t let your past taint your future.
Cutting/reliving the past/arguing/hating …. these arent who you are. You are better then that.
If you open up and talk about your problems you can fix them and then move on from them. Life will get better, promise.
Feel free to chat should you wish.
Ad Astra
Speaking of nightmares..I never have them. On occasions I might but ive noticed something very weird recently..I can sleep in my own bed..wake up with no dreams, no nightmares or at least no memories. I lay down on another bed in the house, shut my eyes for a second and I’m having nightmares, hearing screams…etc. its only in that room..I don’t understand why that is but I’m not kidding..ill wake up in the middle of the night in tears every single time..so maybe its not you..I don’t cut on myself..although my ex did that some..not all the time. He cant calm down..has to be doing something all the time..he would be perfectly fine and then out of the blue come running at you with a knife & stab it into the couch right next to me..look me in the eyes and say next time it can be you..I wouldn’t have to say anything to him..I told people..I told him he needed a doctor..has he seen one..no..so please see a doctor..get that medicine that makes you feel better.
Being with people isn’t what stops you from feeling lonely. Being CONNECTED to people is. Do you feel any connection with anyone at all? Do your friends know what you went through? Does anyone? Perhaps talking about it with someone you trust will help. I hope things improve for you.
With the seriousness of what happened to you the best thing to put you back on the road to happiness is talking to someone.
Either normal or alternative counseling.
Because that violation needs help to be dealt with and overcome so your mind and spirit can recover.
You can be happy again.
When you feel comfortable just go to someone you trust and tell them.
I’d recommend a counselor who deals specifically with rape because they have the experience to relate better to you.
Wishing you brighter days in the future.