I very much hope that at least one person
in the entire world reads this,because
it would make me feel as though someone
somewhere gives one single flying fuck about me.
I did a stupid thing I put my heart out there
and ended up getting crushed
So here’s the story is:
Jasmine, her boyfriend James,and his brother Nick where having a
sleep over at jasmines house.They only invited Nick because
Jasmine thought I would come over to keep him company.
He had recently been dumped and he was a bit sad.
But I was at my dads house for the weekend.
So since Nick felt like a third wheel James asked if I would test him
so he would have someone to talk to I said sure so Jasmine gave him my number
told him I was cool and fun to talk to and we started texting.
We texted from about 3pm to 5am the next morning.
When i woke up at 11am I had a super cute good morning text.
I had recently suffered a super bad break up so I didnt really want a
boyfriend at the time.I just though of Nick as someone to talk
to while I was dying of boredom at my fathers house.
We talk for about 3 hours that day. He stoped replying at around 2pm
I went back to my house around 3pm and straight over to jasmines.
She told me they had just left back to there house
,20 minutes away. That may sound like nothing
but at the time I was 15 so that seems like hours.
I was sad because i wanted to meet both of them.
But months went on Me and James stayed buddies,
I completely forgot all about nick. Then one day I got a text saying
“Hey its Nick. Sorry i stopped texting you. I dropped my phone in water,
I just got a new one today so I asked James to give me
your number because I really like talking to you.”
We talked every second of the day for a month straight.
Then one day we were talking on the phone and we got into a playful argument
,i don’t remember what about, eventually he agrees with me
on the subject. I tell him “You don’t have to agree
I don’t own you. He responded “I know but i wouldn’t want to upset my girlfriend”
From then on we considered ourselves dating even though many people
didn’t think that it counted. I kind of agreed with people
and thought it was a little stupid but i had was convinced
that we would meet very soon. The days pass
then the weeks and before long we have been “dating”
for a month and we still hadn’t met. We had only seen each other in pictures.
Then while i was on vacation he randomly breaks up with me.
He tells me I’m very ugly and would rather just be friends
it completely crushes me. I but i try not to let it ruin my summer
I delete his number and move on. He texts me on my birthday
About 2 months after our breakup. He tells me when he said that i was
unattractive he was high on acid (LSD). He begs me to take him back
I knew it was a dumb idea but I thought we would actually
meet this time
He was so sweet in the begging. Sending me cute love letters,
writing me poetry,writing me songs,he was constantly telling me how he he couldn’t
wait to meet me because he liked me so much. We scheduled and rescheduled our
meeting so many times i lost count. He always had some stupid excuse.
then after a while we stop texting as much, he stop calling completely,
and didn’t even bother to try and make planes to meet
because it seems pointless. He gave up on us, I tryed my hardest to meet him
i would tell him my mom would drop me off go to the gym around his house
and pick me up when she was done.He would say okay then when i ask for his
address he would say i couldn’t come.
Eventually 3 months pass by and by this time i had real
strong feelings for him I thought I loved him. So I decide it was best
that we break u because I was tired of getting my hopes up
and trying so hard on a relationship that was going no where.
We didn’t talk for about a month. Then he texts me a couple days ago.
He asked why i gave up on him. I told him he gave up on us
way before I gave up on him. We end up just have a talk
like if everything never happened and we are just friends.
We have a pretty funny conversation. The next day everything gets fucked up
he asks me about us having a fun night together. I play along with it (jokingly).
Then he tells me he’s being serious. Says he will pick me up whenever I’m ready
I flip out i tell him everything that I was holding back.
I make him feel like complete and utter shit. Jasmine even tells me to let it out to be a *****
because he deserves it. So I did. And it felt damn good I told him i didn’t want to speak
to him until he grew up,learned how to actually be in a relationship,
learned how to treat a girl,and when he actually cared about me for more than just sex.
I was never going to talk to him again but today jasmine asked if I have talked to him
I say no. She told me she thinks I should apologize and put the
entire situation behind us so we can move on.I felt
completely betrayed.My best friend, who told me to tell him off,
is telling me I was harsh and I should apologize and be friends
with him, possibly even try to get him back. i feel totally alone.
I have no other close friend no one else to talk to about my issues.
So it’s either do what she says or argue with her and face complete
and utter isolation.
So I tell him I’m sorry and that it was never my intention to
hurt his feelings. He says i really did hurt him bad
but he excepts my apology. But it’s like now what?
Do i have to suck it up and be his ” friend ” because if i don’t the only real friend I have
will make me because its the ” right” thing to do?
Its not fair I don’t want to see his name on my phone I don’t want
to have to have conversations with him he seriously hurt me a lot.
if anyone actually reads this your probably thinking it’s stupid
since we never met and its not that big of a deal but to me it is
because it makes me feel like no one will ever like me because
someone who tells me they have feelings for me can’t even get in his car and drive 20 minutes
to see me.It makes me feel ugly and worthless it makes me sad and angry and it makes me want to cut
it makes me want to cut so deep that I bleed out and die. because if that’s what guys do
when they care about you then what is the point?
I’m afraid to die alone and that’s the path I’m on the friend I have don’t care about me my parents don’t care
about me, my siblings don’t care somone who says I’m there girlfriend and they love me doesn’t care
about me, no one fucking cares about me
I’m at rock bottom
I want to just kill myself
11 comments
Hey there. I read your entire post. I’m sorry that you feel so sad. You may not believe this, but I think your parents would care if you told (one of) them that you feel this way. If you were my daughter, I’d want to know how you feel and I’d give you a big hug right now. Your life is precious and I’m glad you wrote this down – it may help your healing to begin.
i really wish i could but everytime i talk to my mom we argue and my dad just tell me to stop messing with those stupid white boys cuz they lead you to heart break and disopointment
/gives a flying fuck. And I’m sure others do too.
First off I think you were right to tell the guy off, and let it all out. Personally I saw him being the one who was in the wrong, and you the one trying to be considerate and just overall TRYING. He obviously isn’t the greatest type of guy, and though he may have proven to have good conversations – from the rest that I see he had some problems. I’m sorry that the guy, Nick, lead you on like that and turned out to be a jerk.
I don’t think you’re stupid, or any of this was your fault, or anything of that sort. It’s all pretty understandable. People are people, and some can be major jerks – so that’s why you leave them in the past and don’t let them get you down – because they’re not worth it and YOU are. I hope you know or come to realize you’re NOT ugly and you’re NOT worthless. Not everyone( or guy ) is like that – but obviously they’re out there and you just have to be aware of them.
As for your friend, Jasmine, I don’t know them – but I would find out why she thinks you should have apologized. I think telling him off was justified, but I don’t know all of the situation. But if the friend doesn’t want to support you then there is a problem… Just something to think about.
Mind if I ask why you aren’t getting along with your family either?
I’m sorry if I didn’t help much or misunderstood. Or if I put out some bad thoughts or opinions of my own. Also be aware of the danger of cutting, it can be a bit drastic and can leave scars. As a cutter myself I warn you that it can be a bad habit and hard to break – course that’s if you haven’t started.
Hopefully others with better insight and advice post too. I hope I helped at least a bit. I hope you can stay strong and leave this in the past – and to move on away from “rock bottom”.
Good luck. And if you ever want to talk more I’m willing to listen( tickin.will@gmail.com ) and/or you can keep posting ’cause I know others are willing to listen and help too.
Boys when they are young are just that, boys, not responsible men. Girls/Women are far far more mature and resposnible for their age then guys are, so know this too.
Look for people to surround yourself with that are good to themselves and good to you.
Don’t waste your emotions and time on those that often dont respect other people. They will only drag you own. You’re better then that.
Stay well.
As I grow older I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do. ~Andrew Carnegie
I would blame it on age or gender but I have younger male relatives who are perfect gentlemen in various stages of their teens and younger female relatives who have a lot to be desired in way of attitude and responsibility.
Some people are irresponsible and incosiderate. And more than likely they will continue to be that way until their treatment of people makes them lose something precious.
Sad thing is those types prey on kind and gentle individuals like yourself.
I agree with adastra that actions are considerably more representative of a person’s character than what they say.
Had Nick really cared about you he would have made the effort to come and see you.
He was just being immature and mean.
His actions have no bearing on who you are as a person.
Let your caring about yourself give you strength. From your post you seem pretty intelligent and wise. And a person who is considerate and respectful. Those qualities in addition to the many more I am sure you possess mean that you are a person worth something.
Try not to let others validation or invalidation of you affect how you feel about you.
At the end of the day the only one who truly looks out for self 100% is self.
May be tough to hear but you best love yourself unconditionally first….from within. No man will provide that for you. They will just be filling a void that is perpetually inside of you until you figure out why or how it is you do no accept, love, and appreciate yourself.
You are worth it, and you deserve to feel good…you want someone to care…the person that needs to care is YOU, for YOU! That’s how it works….good luck.
I live by a rule when it comes to any type of virtual “relationships”
– nothing is real until it’s real – until then it’s no different than a video game or some type of interactive TV show or movie – it’s just NOT reality.
I’ll leave you to interpret and decide whether you want to use or apply the rule
objective dawg
You’ve already been given lots of really good advice. The only thing that I can think of to add to that is this – it occurs to me that your friend, Jasmine, might have had pressure put upon her by her boyfriend, James, about his brother. Perhaps you could talk to her about that – try and salvage that friendship if at all possible, if you want to that is.
Personally I think that you did the right thing in telling him how you felt. Any relationship you could have had wouldn’t have stood a chance with you keeping that bottled up anyway. IF (and it’s a big if) you decide you can forgive him then fair enough but if not – that’s YOUR call and not Jasmines or anyone elses. If you don’t want to talk to him, then don’t.
I hope you find a way to not be so alone. Perhaps if you sat your mum down and asked her to listen to you – that you REALLY needed to talk, she’d listen? Just a thought anyway.
Good luck.
Thank you to everyone who answered you made me feel a lot better about the situation.I did apologize before I even wrote this but today he texted me saying I was being mean for no reason I told him my reasons and he said whatever forgive and forget right. I deleted his number and I never want to speech to him again.If Jasmine has a problem with that then she can go to hell.
I have low of self asteam issues that I know I need to work on because I feel ugly/worthless/stupid/fat/disgusting/etc. I do try to talk to my mom but she says she thinks Nick and James are fake and to just never talk to them again and since Nick is 19 and I’m 16 she says i don’t need to be with a 19 year old.Then she walks away and says nothing else.
He tried to say I let myself get hurt because he told me he was a jerk but he acted like a sweet heart so I didn’t believe he was a jerk. But whatever he is my past and I don’t care about him. I’m going to try and care about myself and better myself for me and no one else.Its going to be hard but if i don’t try I’m going to end up dead
Hi, read your story, and I think you were 100% right in telling him how you felt. that being said, try and not waste another second on this guy. I don’t understand why your friend Jasmine would try and set you up with him, except some people really like to play matchmaker. This time she failed. Matchmaking at it’s worst. hang in there, there will be many guys who you;ll meet, some will be OK, some cads, but your prince is out there. Don’t settle, you are young. ‘Cutting” creates external scars and they’re not pretty, can get infected, are painful; therapy, IE: talking helps heal the emotional scars which are also painful. Keep writing your feelings, your words may just help someone else! Live, create your happiness…