failed attempt

I’m 15 years old. My parents are divorced and have been since i was 2. My dad cheated on my mom with my now step mom. My mom remarried when i was 14. Ever since i was about 5 and started gymnastics, my step mom didn’t like me. She never actually told me that, but she hit me over and over so i could tell. She’s hit me with her fist, a book, a chair, and a belt.She has even threatened to stab me with a knife.

My stepdad sexually abused me multiple times around age 8. The nights i stayed at my moms house and was there all the next day, he would come home for lunch and touch me. I didn’t have a clue what was happening because i was little. I thought it was okay for family to touch you there.

My parents and the rest of my family didn’t believe me when i tried to tell them about my step mom, and later step dad. They all said I needed to stop lieing. Thats when i started to cut. I have scars on my wrists that i say are from pony tails and on my arm which i say are from my dogs. When that wasn’t working i went into the cabinent that held all medicine. I took everything that was in there. I was rushed to the hospital and they pumped my stomach. I now sleep with a knife under my pillow in case one night i feel the urge to just end everything, end the nightmares i cant get rid of, leave all the memories behind. I still cant bring myself to do it.