Hello,
I found this site really randomly but here is my story ….
So ive just turned 20, im no longer a teenager anymore 🙁 when i was 18 my mum had problems with money, was always upset because of it i didnt really no what to do, so i turned to prostitution i only done it to help my mum with money troubles, i done it for a little while!
I met this girl while doing it she done it as well she seemed really nice we became really good friends, i was friends with her for over a year, everytime i wanted to stop escorting (nice way of saying prostitute) she would always pull me back into it by making out it was really glamouores and we could do all these amazing things!
She was a horrible ***** as well she would always boss me around and tell me what to do and she didnt like the fact i stood for myself, were not friends anymore and havent been for the past 3months! When we first broke mates for about 2 and half months she done nothing but email, txt me everything and try to get me to be her friend again i was having none of it because she was such a ***** and because i dont want to be escorting no more, so i ignored her!
Now she is threating me saying shes going to come to my house and tell my mum what i used to do, and tell the whole of my area were i live what i used to do! I havent even done anything wrong she is such a ***** i think she mentally needs help she has like to split personailties and its so annoying!
Im really depressed, dont no what to do even thinking about moving away just so i can start again and forget about my past and also because im so worried about my mum finding out i feel sick to the stomach even thinking about it! I dont even leave my house anymore because im scared ill bump into her or incase people already no! I sleep just to try and forget about it, when i wake up i eat, listen to music to try and help me and then go back to sleep again! Im scared of my mum finding out i dont care about what anyone else think about! In the day time im ok but in the evening and night time thats when i start worrying thinking shes going to come round any min and tell everyone everything! I am scared yes ill admit that im not scared of her im just scared of my mum finding out! Even though i done it to help my mum its still not something i want her to no about!
I have no friends left because i was always with her and she was like you dont need your other friends and telling me they werent even my friends and she was a true friend but she wasnt she wasnt at all! I do nothing but cry all the time, i have no-one to talk to about any of this, she wants to ruin my life! My life is already ruined as it is what more could she possibly do part from tell everyone and everything and then if that happens i actually dont even no what im going to do , i will kill myself i cant even live with myself as it is just thinking about what i used to do! Im not proud of it at all i hate myself for doing escorting but i felt i had no other choice!
My mum also dont even appreciate the money ive given her, she has a boyfriend who now lives with us, and its almost like i dont even exsit anymore! she chooses her boyfriend over her kids! I hate her boyfriend as well because before he moved in everything was fine! My brother and my mum dont even talk anymore and that kills me so much im always trying to bring them together but nothing seems to give! I dont have a dad he left me when i was little! Recently found him last year, he made no effort at all to see me or to be apart of my life and i had to go through that all over gain, i just got used to calling someone dad and actually having a dad for it be taken away from all over again all because he didnt even care!! I really do feel like i have no-one, whenever i see people i put a smile on and pretend like im ok and everythng it perfect when its not when every nght i cry myself to sleep!
please dont judge me on what ive told you, im sure everyone has a past there not proud of! mines just a little worse :'(
9 comments
love_19, you said it best… Almost everyone has done things in their past that they regret… for one reason or another. That was one chapter of your life… and you’ve moved onto the next chapter. There will be people in your life who help you move forward… and there will be some who get in your way. Don’t let someone else make you re-live your past… You’re in control of your life.
I honestly don’t think the consequences would be as intense as you fear… Sometimes the worst part of a situation is what we expect to happen… and not what actually happens. Regardless of what she does or doesn’t do, you lead your life… People will stick by you… both in the real world and on this site.
@distant.road … Thank you for your comment, i understand that im in controll of my life but sometimes it really dont feel like i am, like im living in fear and its stupid i shouldnt be scared of what might happen i should just face it but its easier said than done, And thank you for all of you who have commented and read this and not judged me i was really nervous about writing this on here
Kourtney xx
who you are is not what you’ve done. and I promise theres no judgement here okay? you sound like a really sweet person. I agree with distant.road,we have all done things in our past that we aren’t proud of but our mistakes don’t define who we are. it sounds like this girl is blackmailing you,i’m so sorry.:( she might have some mental disability that she needs help with. but I would tell you even though I know it’s easier said than done,just keep your chin up.the only way someone can blackmail you is if they have something over your head. what would happen if you told your mom yourself? i know that’s really scary. 🙁 but if you take away her ammunition,she has no power over you anymore. also,you could just deny it. I wouldn’t even acknowledge the situation. hang in there okay? everyone makes mistakes,it doesn’t define who you are,and also,everything you did was to help someone else,your mom. i think that makes you a pretty great person,to care about other people like that. take care of yourself.
@ellachristina .. Thank you for your comment i really do appreciate it, i was thinking about telling my mum myself so that this girl wouldnt be able to blackmail me no more but im just really scared i dont no what she would think, i just dont want her to be disappointed in me as all ive tried to do is make her proud of me! If the girl does carry out what shes saying then yes of course i will deny the whole thing, but what if she has proof, it still just worrys me that the fact she can just come right now and say everything! I just really hope she dont do anything but i will have to see what happens!
Thank you x
It tells a lot about a person when you see the things they would do for their struggling loved ones. You are by far the most caring person I’ve encountered. What you did was unsafe and damaging no doubt, but it shows how much you love your mother. I see a beautiful person, and there is not one bit of judgement here. When it comes to the situation with that girl, just ignore the texts/calls/emails. All she will do is drag you down to the place that is most unsafe and damaging. With the situation about your mother and her new boyfriend, the biggest reason why it might seem like you’re completely out of the picture is because your mother is clinging to someone to whom she can share very personal things with. Your mother is struggling too, and she probably just needs comfort and love. Keep showing her love and comfort. She loves you, I know this from past happenings. Hang in there girl, I know you can make it. Be strong, and take care of yourself.
-Jamie
<3 <3
@MadeToFade … Thank you for your comment, your comment kinda made me have a little more faith in myself! I do ignore her thats all i ever do, i dont want all this drama i just want to be able to get on with my life but she wont let me! I will conuntine to ignore her and just hope she dont carry out what she is saying, im sick of crying and sick of being scared of what might happen, I understand what you mean with my mum and her boyfriend, And thank you 🙂 your comment ment alot xx
I will never judge you, Kourtney… and I hope nobody else would, either. Unfortunately, I know that’s not realistic. Human nature will incline people to judge. But please, please, please never let something hinder you. We all do things within a certain chapter of life. Invariably, the next chapter begins and we might move on. I know facing it is easier said than done… No doubt about it. But, ultimately, you are who you are… and you do what you choose to do. Many will stand by you.
Nope i wont judge you
There is a story behind as always..
This time let you ne yourself and care more about yourself
Tell her what you want to be tell her you wont her friends anymore
And if she did tell about your past
Just move awayyy far aaawaayy..
And i know its hard to do..
But it wont be a bad decision
Cause you are strong (doing that job for your mom amazed me) you will find your way
Leaveee herrrr !! Dont reply her messages !
It’s been quite a while, but I hope everything has worked out for you. No reason to judge you. You did what you felt you needed to. I wish you the best.